Monday, January 28, 2008

Feeling the moment slip away

I ended up having a very nice weekend, which included a remarkably large amount of time spent washing my friend’s carpet. Someone (not my friend's, it was before they moved in) spilt some coffee on the carpet and left a big stain. My friend has tried to get it out but has just spread the coffee over a bigger area, so I was trying to undo the damage. It did make a huge difference but I think I could have done a better job if I’d had more time. A Vax is a marvellous thing though.

We went for a walk in the New Forest on Saturday, which was very pleasant, despite getting a bit lost and having to wade through a river, as a lake had mysteriously sprung up, which wasn’t marked on the map. Fortunately, there were no ‘serious conversations’ during the weekend, which was a relief and we just enjoyed each others company. The only problem during the weekend was how slow the M3 was on the way home, which was due to people slowing done to look at the aftermath of an accident on the opposite carriageway. A really nasty accident judging by the state of one of the vehicles. I am not one of those people that slows down to look at accidents, but as everyone ahead of me was slowing down, it was kind of difficult not to notice what had happened.

My friend collects the caps off plastic milk cartons and I asked her why and she said she didn’t really know, but someone at work collects them and gives them to some charity. I know that recycling schemes don’t include the caps from milk cartons so was kind of interested in what they could be used for. As it turns out there are two schemes in Hampshire that collect them, but it is worth reading this slightly amusing take on it. In case you are wondering and can’t be bothered to read the links, they are turned into pellets that are then turned into things like milk carton caps. Couldn’t they just wash them??

On Friday I suddenly realised that I have been an absolute fool over the stuff with A – and just thought “A really is never going to get in touch”. I just realised that I’d known the answer all along and for some reason had just never understood that I did before, but I suddenly had a moment of clarity, not in some profound “the answer lies within you and you’ve just never seen it before sense”. I just realised that I know enough about A, the circumstances that surrounded our relationship, the stuff in the run up to when A broke off contact and so on to know the truth. I guess I judged the situation by what I saw as fair and reasonable but A saw it differently. It’s as simple as that. What a shame I took so long to realise it.

I leave you with a video of one of my favourite songs “Feeling the Moment” by Feeder






Feeling the moment slip away
Losing direction you're losing faith
You're wishing for someone
Feeling it all begin to slide
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you

Turning to face what you've become
Bury the ashes of someone
Broken by the strain
Trying to fill that space inside
Am I just like you
All the things you do - can't help myself

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one
Am I just like you
All the things you do

Don't ever feel
That you're alone
I'll never let you down
I'll never leave you dry
Don't fall apart
Don't let it go
Carry the notion
Carry the notion back to me

Feeling the moment slip away
Feeling the moment slip away

Cause I'm just like you

How do you feel when there's no sun
And how will you be when rain clouds come and pull you down again
How will you feel when there's no one

Am I just like you?

9 comments:

Tom Foolery (TF) said...

Random, in a strange sortof way I'm so pleased you have now found clarity with the A situation.
.
Go forth with guns blazing ;-) TFX

Tom Foolery (TF) said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tom Foolery (TF) said...

(Deleted)

Was that a stutter or echo I hear..

titration said...

Wow you must be a very good friend to scrub carpet! :) and I just blogged about an "A" I have a past distance thing with today too. I hear you.

Random Reflections said...

TF - I just thought I was very popular! Finding clarity is good -it does make me feel a bit sad though. That's to be expected I suppose.

titration - it became an obsession! I did a good job of it too.

I really appreciate that you understand. That helps a lot.

the vicious chicken said...

Hi Random,
When I read this post I found myself feeling happy for you, as your realisation seemed like a good thing for you, even if it was also a sad one... and I'm not sure if that's the case, or if you just feel sad, but either way I hope you are OK.

...sorry, I don't think I've put this very well - but I wanted to say something.

Take care,
VCxx

Random Reflections said...

VC - Thanks. As you say, I do actually think it's a good thing (and a long time coming), but has an edge of sadness to it too.

You put it just fine. Thank you.

Let's Kill Saturday Night said...

I understand how you feel.

Random Reflections said...

LKSN - Thank you. I hope things are looking a bit better for you.