On the flight back from the Gambia I was watching the film “You, Me and Dupree”, which as it turned out was actually a better film than I had expected it to be. However, as I was watching the film, I felt frustrated by it because the husband would have had a much better time of things if he had just actually talked to his wife about what was going on instead of trying to fix everything on his own. I know that the film is a comedy and also a major part of the plot would have been missing if they just sat down and talked about it over a cup of tea, but I was on a flight and had time on my hands. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it...
Anyway, when I see things like that it always reminds me of how important I think communication is. That may sound like an obvious point, but one of my greatest frustrations is poor communication between people. I see it at work a lot - if we were able to talk about things and people could air their concerns then they would be dealt with much quicker, but instead we are hit by a wall of silence and morale just sinks. I try and take time to find out how people in my team are doing , but if I then try and get answers to issues for them I find that it falls on deaf ears and people more senior are just not interested.
I think over the last several months I have seen how not communicating properly (or at all) really frustrates me. Of the two friends who things ended up a mess with of late the first said she never wanted to hear from me again and the second just went absolutely silent (and I still have no idea why).
Looking at that first situation, obviously there is a certain amount being communicated by the fact someone has said never to get in touch. I am still not entirely sure why we suddenly went to a situation where I was told in no uncertain terms not to make contact and that I was being stubborn and controlling to have been in contact to that point. My jaw absolutely dropped at that because I wasn’t being stubborn or controlling, as far as I was aware we’d had a run in but were going to try and sort it out, but I *think* (although only in retrospect) that my friend must have thought she’d already said something about not being in touch. Except she hadn’t. The only reason I found out quite how serious things were was via a third party and so I got in contact and said “er... hang on... what’s going on?” or words to that effect. At which point I got the rather vitriolic reply as outlined above.
I could easily turn round and accuse my friend of being controlling and so on for ‘dictating’ whether we can be in contact or not, but I suspect she would see it as “taking control” rather than being controlling. It’s all about perspective, I guess. I don’t say that because I do actually see my friend as controlling but more to illustrate that the very things I was accused of were exactly what she could have been seen as doing and it’s easy to accuse people of things when maybe with a wider perspective or a bit of empathy for where the other person is coming from, it all seems a bit different.
But the thing is that if you refuse to communicate then you don’t ever get that perspective. You never get to hear the other person’s point of view and all you have is whatever perspective you get from filling in the blanks from your own imagination. You never get to tie up loose ends, you don’t have the chance to explain, and you don’t have the opportunity to put your side of things.
It just doesn’t strike me as the most helpful way of dealing with things. Instead of taking a bit of time and space to pause for breath and to try and be rational, ultimatums were given. Sometimes a bit of time helps to fix things and sometimes it just shows that there is nothing left, but at least you have that opportunity to work it out. However, instead the decision was based (at least in part) on miscommunication and anger, which aren’t the greatest help in making an objective decision.
There are times when I think it would help if I explained things to my friend from my perspective (I’m not entirely sure *who* it would help though!), not necessarily to bring about some grand reconciliation, but just because it gets rid of misunderstanding. I have managed to get some real clarity on things in my own mind and I reckon my friend might actually be interested in what I have realised and find it helpful, but I would never get in touch because I have already been accused of things that aren’t even true and I just end up adding fuel to the fire by making contact. I was also kicked in the teeth enough already and have no particular desire to be rejected again. My friend would also have to majorly back down to make contact with me and that is quite a big thing to have to do (not that I think she actually does want to get in touch). I’m not the sort of person who would throw it back in someone’s face if they did get in touch, but pride can be a big thing and sometimes you can feel as though you have so clearly said what you want that there is no way back. In the grand scheme of things my explanations and thoughts on the matter don’t make any difference anyway. But I do still scratch my head at what was actually constructive about banning all communication.
The second situation is just plain weird. I was getting on just fine with my friend and we’d recently spoken on the phone and that was all perfectly normal and we exchanged texts and an occasional e-mail - but then suddenly there was nothing. That definitely made me scratch my head and I wondered if I had offended my friend somehow, but if I did I can’t think how. If I upset my friend then it wasn’t deliberate but that’s the thing, it’s just speculation on my part. It may well be some completely different reason that caused my friend to go silent, but I just have no idea. The lack of communication means that I will never know. Although having said that, with my recent history of receiving scathing e-mails, I am not sure I want to know if the reason is critical of me!
I’m sure many a war has been started or a heart broken by miscommunication and it just strikes me that things would be much less complicated if we were just a bit better about finding ways to constructively talk about things and to resolve them. Whether that resolution is one of reconciliation or going separate ways.
I am someone who likes to be at peace about things and with other people. I have learnt to my cost the long term impact of not resolving situations and not forgiving people (the situation with my father being a prime example of this) and so I am now always willing to leave the door open to some kind of resolution, even if reconciliation is not possible. But that is reliant on communication of some sort and in both those recent friendships I guess actions spoke louder than words.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Stranger at the door
I’m beginning to wonder if pretty much everyone has a key to where I live. I would suspect that the cat was inviting in any stranger who happened to knock on the door, but the cat moved to Cardiff this weekend and so is off the hook. I got home Friday night to find that someone had been in the house - it turned out to be the surveyor. Then I got home last night and someone else had been in the house and left a parcel in the hall - I assume that it was a neighbour trying to be helpful.
A seemingly endless amount of people appear to have access to the house and wander in and out at will. I think an electrician is coming round on Wednesday, my landlady’s dad will be there Thursday, my landlady’s son might be about at the weekend. I have to tell you dear reader that I am beginning to suspect that even *you* may have a key to my house. If you do happen to drop by, do make yourself at home – have a cup of tea, put the TV on and I’ll be home about 7, so if you could have my dinner ready for then that would be appreciated.
I phoned my solicitor yesterday to check that the money I am transferring has been ending up in his bank account rather than making some stranger very rich. I am transferring the remainder of the money across in advance of completion on Friday and have had to set up several payments in order to complete the transaction. I’m not entirely sure what I would have done if I had found out that the money had disappeared into the ether – nor, for that matter, what I would do if one day I found mysterious sums of money had turned up in my own bank account. Anyway, given today’s theme of giving people access to my home, possessions etc, why not have a free for all on my money as well??
By the way the photo above is of the little figures I bought to go on the chocolate log to help you get into the Christmas spirit.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Remarkable Things
A slightly bizarre thing happened at the weekend. When I was at my parents’ house on Saturday and my dad made a “joke” about his drinking when I was growing up. I just told him that what he said wasn’t very funny because what he was like when we were growing up wasn’t a joke.
We just returned to watching the TV but then a few minutes later dad suddenly said “I’m sorry, I know I treated you really badly when I was drinking a lot. There’s nothing I can do about it now though.” I didn’t really know what to say to that and just said that given what he was like, I didn’t think it was something he should joke about and we just left the conversation there.
Perhaps that sounds a bit heartless, but the thing is that I’m not really sure he does actually know what he was like. If you have conversations with him now (about anything) there are all sorts of things he will say that are just things he has imagined. For example, a while ago I was talking to a friend of my parents and said to him “I hear you’re thinking of moving to the flats they’re building by Waitrose”. The chap just looked at me blankly and said he had no idea what I was talking about and had no plans to move there at all. Who was the source of that disinformation? My father, of course… It’s not that he had lied, it’s that he spends too much time with his own thoughts - you could mention the most innocuous thing to him but when it’s been mulled over in his mind for a few days it can have morphed into the most headline grabbing story you can think of. My father could have made his fortune working for The Sun.
So I’m not really sure that he knows what he was apologising for because he will have edited and reinvented the past anyway. Anyway, he doesn’t drink much any more and instead his weird and unexpected mood swings are more down to the strokes he has had rather than anything else. Still, it was an interesting turn of events that he apologised.
We just returned to watching the TV but then a few minutes later dad suddenly said “I’m sorry, I know I treated you really badly when I was drinking a lot. There’s nothing I can do about it now though.” I didn’t really know what to say to that and just said that given what he was like, I didn’t think it was something he should joke about and we just left the conversation there.
Perhaps that sounds a bit heartless, but the thing is that I’m not really sure he does actually know what he was like. If you have conversations with him now (about anything) there are all sorts of things he will say that are just things he has imagined. For example, a while ago I was talking to a friend of my parents and said to him “I hear you’re thinking of moving to the flats they’re building by Waitrose”. The chap just looked at me blankly and said he had no idea what I was talking about and had no plans to move there at all. Who was the source of that disinformation? My father, of course… It’s not that he had lied, it’s that he spends too much time with his own thoughts - you could mention the most innocuous thing to him but when it’s been mulled over in his mind for a few days it can have morphed into the most headline grabbing story you can think of. My father could have made his fortune working for The Sun.
So I’m not really sure that he knows what he was apologising for because he will have edited and reinvented the past anyway. Anyway, he doesn’t drink much any more and instead his weird and unexpected mood swings are more down to the strokes he has had rather than anything else. Still, it was an interesting turn of events that he apologised.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Caution
Despite my planning ahead, I did end up going back to Oxford Street yesterday. This was partly because my landlady asked me if I would go and buy a shirt for her son because she wouldn’t have the time to get him a Christmas present. I do know her son, but not very well, and I spent ages looking at various shirts to come up with something suitable. I reckoned that even if he hated the colour he’d appreciate the one I picked because it was non-iron.
I managed to get a couple more presents as well but the thing that made me feel as though I’d had an amazingly successful day was that I managed to get some little Christmas figures to go on a cake. I’d been looking for some for the last few weeks and had commissioned various people to keep an eye out for them but couldn’t find anywhere that sold them. But yesterday I thought I’d try Sainsbury’s and they had various figures to choose from, so I am now the proud owner of a Father Christmas, a snowman and a couple of Christmas trees. Being a domestic goddess, these will feature on a chocolate log that I will whip up in the next couple of weeks.
I also went to the Science Museum briefly. Incidentally if you want to buy some gadgety type gifts then that is a really great place to go and get them. Anyway, I actually went there because I wanted to know when they are showing the Imax film of Polar Express. If it had been on about the sort of time I’d got there I would have stayed and watched it but as it turned out I would have had to wait over an hour. I actually decided that I would take my mum to go and see it and so will try and go back some time in the next couple of weeks to do that.
Last night I was at my parents’ house and managed to write all the cards that need posting and so am just left with the ones that I will send to a few people at work etc. What with moving house imminently I just feel as though I really need to get my act together on these things or else I won’t do them at all.
But let me close with two cautionary tales. First, if you are tempted to open your Christmas presents early then you should be aware that this is now an arrestable offence, apparently. Second, on a non-Christmas note, if you have digestion problems and intend to fly you may wish to consider in advance how you might cover up any ‘odours’ other than by starting small fires.
I managed to get a couple more presents as well but the thing that made me feel as though I’d had an amazingly successful day was that I managed to get some little Christmas figures to go on a cake. I’d been looking for some for the last few weeks and had commissioned various people to keep an eye out for them but couldn’t find anywhere that sold them. But yesterday I thought I’d try Sainsbury’s and they had various figures to choose from, so I am now the proud owner of a Father Christmas, a snowman and a couple of Christmas trees. Being a domestic goddess, these will feature on a chocolate log that I will whip up in the next couple of weeks.
I also went to the Science Museum briefly. Incidentally if you want to buy some gadgety type gifts then that is a really great place to go and get them. Anyway, I actually went there because I wanted to know when they are showing the Imax film of Polar Express. If it had been on about the sort of time I’d got there I would have stayed and watched it but as it turned out I would have had to wait over an hour. I actually decided that I would take my mum to go and see it and so will try and go back some time in the next couple of weeks to do that.
Last night I was at my parents’ house and managed to write all the cards that need posting and so am just left with the ones that I will send to a few people at work etc. What with moving house imminently I just feel as though I really need to get my act together on these things or else I won’t do them at all.
But let me close with two cautionary tales. First, if you are tempted to open your Christmas presents early then you should be aware that this is now an arrestable offence, apparently. Second, on a non-Christmas note, if you have digestion problems and intend to fly you may wish to consider in advance how you might cover up any ‘odours’ other than by starting small fires.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Success
My landlady arrived back for the weekend last night, so I had to turn the heating back down – and let me tell you it is now officially *freezing* where I live. I was *so* cold in bed last night. I shall have to think of some way to rectify that...
I had a fairly productive evening yesterday, as I decided to go and do some Christmas shopping on the way home from work. I went to Piccadilly Circus and then Oxford Street, which were both very busy but I decided they would be even more busy today so I bit the bullet and went shopping. I got a few presents, including one for the Secret Santa person that I don’t know - which is some handcrafted fish shaped chocolates. That’s exactly what you were going to suggest isn’t it! They were strangely mesmerising (the alternative was some chocolate mice but then I would have come in under budget). Anyway, John Lewis is the place to go if I have now inspired you.
I had a browse for some other bits and then decided that I would buy them on the internet so when I got home I ordered various Christmas presents and have pretty much finished my shopping now. Although there are a couple more things still to buy. I also realised that my mobile phone was due for an upgrade, but I didn’t like any of the phones that were on offer and so did the same as last year and instead opted to reduce the cost of my contract, so that’s a saving of £10 a month.
I have now written a total of 11 Christmas cards which means there is still a long way to go, so I aim to try and get the remainder written by the end of the weekend (this may be somewhat wishful thinking). I have a few bits to do today which will hopefully involve meeting up with a friend (who is the one who has nowhere to live at the moment). She sent me a text earlier in the week and said she wanted to talk to me about something but that she isn’t sure if she feels up to seeing anyone. So we’ll see if that happens or not.
Oh and my landlady said to me last night that she has told her dad he can come and stay with me on Thursday night. Most kind. (Please note, this is in no way connected to the first paragraph *shudder*).
I had a fairly productive evening yesterday, as I decided to go and do some Christmas shopping on the way home from work. I went to Piccadilly Circus and then Oxford Street, which were both very busy but I decided they would be even more busy today so I bit the bullet and went shopping. I got a few presents, including one for the Secret Santa person that I don’t know - which is some handcrafted fish shaped chocolates. That’s exactly what you were going to suggest isn’t it! They were strangely mesmerising (the alternative was some chocolate mice but then I would have come in under budget). Anyway, John Lewis is the place to go if I have now inspired you.
I had a browse for some other bits and then decided that I would buy them on the internet so when I got home I ordered various Christmas presents and have pretty much finished my shopping now. Although there are a couple more things still to buy. I also realised that my mobile phone was due for an upgrade, but I didn’t like any of the phones that were on offer and so did the same as last year and instead opted to reduce the cost of my contract, so that’s a saving of £10 a month.
I have now written a total of 11 Christmas cards which means there is still a long way to go, so I aim to try and get the remainder written by the end of the weekend (this may be somewhat wishful thinking). I have a few bits to do today which will hopefully involve meeting up with a friend (who is the one who has nowhere to live at the moment). She sent me a text earlier in the week and said she wanted to talk to me about something but that she isn’t sure if she feels up to seeing anyone. So we’ll see if that happens or not.
Oh and my landlady said to me last night that she has told her dad he can come and stay with me on Thursday night. Most kind. (Please note, this is in no way connected to the first paragraph *shudder*).
Friday, December 08, 2006
Scared
I was feeling somewhat pleased with myself that while I was on holiday I managed to get a Secret Santa present for someone at work. “Sorted” I thought. But now I’m also going out for lunch with the people who are in the team that I will be moving to in January and it seems they are also doing Secret Santa. The person I have to buy for I have never even met, so it’s going to be a challenge. I am never very inspired when it comes to buying presents so if I haven’t even got a clue what the person looks like, let alone what they might like as a gift, it is my idea of torture trying to come up with something. I have until Tuesday so had better get thinking...
I sent a text to a friend last night to ask what she wanted for Christmas and she replied and gave me her husband’s phone number said I should ask him as he would know what had been suggested to other people already. Later I went to text him and looked at the number she had sent me and texted her back and said “Er... isn’t that your mobile number?” It isn’t entirely beyond me to have sent him a slightly “inappropriate” text – after all I was actually the stand in if my friend had failed to turn up for their wedding, so it’s a good job I noticed.
Yesterday at work we were talking about the chap N who we work with. Someone said to me “the thing that bothers me about him the most is that he is just the sort of person who would come into work one day and kill us all. So I’m always really nice to him in the hope that I won’t be one of the people he slaughters”. I’d never really thought about that before but someone else said that he thought exactly the same thing and is really wary of aggravating this chap too much in case he seeks revenge! Scarily, I can actually see what they mean. I can just imagine that as the police took him away he’d be telling them how unfair it was that he’d been deprived of one final sandwich or asking to take a plate of biscuits with him because it would be a shame to let them go to waste. I’m just hoping that he hasn’t got access to weapons so I’d better make sure he doesn’t find the axe I have stashed away in case I need to use it on my landlady.
I sent a text to a friend last night to ask what she wanted for Christmas and she replied and gave me her husband’s phone number said I should ask him as he would know what had been suggested to other people already. Later I went to text him and looked at the number she had sent me and texted her back and said “Er... isn’t that your mobile number?” It isn’t entirely beyond me to have sent him a slightly “inappropriate” text – after all I was actually the stand in if my friend had failed to turn up for their wedding, so it’s a good job I noticed.
Yesterday at work we were talking about the chap N who we work with. Someone said to me “the thing that bothers me about him the most is that he is just the sort of person who would come into work one day and kill us all. So I’m always really nice to him in the hope that I won’t be one of the people he slaughters”. I’d never really thought about that before but someone else said that he thought exactly the same thing and is really wary of aggravating this chap too much in case he seeks revenge! Scarily, I can actually see what they mean. I can just imagine that as the police took him away he’d be telling them how unfair it was that he’d been deprived of one final sandwich or asking to take a plate of biscuits with him because it would be a shame to let them go to waste. I’m just hoping that he hasn’t got access to weapons so I’d better make sure he doesn’t find the axe I have stashed away in case I need to use it on my landlady.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Cold
What has happened to the weather?? It was so cold on the way in to work this morning. Last week I was in temperatures of 36 degrees and this week there are arctic winds (well maybe not arctic but it’s very cold...). Mind you maybe this is what December is meant to be like and we have just forgotten because we’re so used to global warming.
I went to the leaving do last night and that was ok. There were gushing speeches and people clapped at appropriate moments. The weird chap I work with, N, had to go to something else last night and so he made sure he was the first person to arrive and ate and drank as much as he could and then dashed of after about 20 minutes.
Earlier in the day we’d had some sandwiches left over from a meeting and when he saw them he took about eight sandwiches and then he saw some other food and piled that on too, then he saw some fruit and took some of that as well. He takes away people’s good will because in the past people often brought in cakes or biscuits but now because he seems to take most of them people aren’t so keen. On a few occasions I have had to speak to him about sharing – what am I, his mother??
He has also been complaining about the cost of our Christmas meal and wanted to negotiate a cheaper rate for himself with the restaurant, which we told him he wasn’t allowed to do. He’s worried about how much alcohol, will cost and sent a few e-mails to people to see if the managers would normally pay for the alcohol rather than everyone paying. I don’t know about the other managers but I have point blank refused to pay for any alcohol for him. I don’t mind for the others but he just sees it as an entitlement and just because we earn more than him doesn’t actually mean we can afford to pay for all his drinks. I just said to them that if he was worried about how much drinks would cost then he shouldn’t drink any alcohol.
Last night I chatted to the woman I will be managing when I move jobs. She seems really nice and it should be good working with her. I am looking forward to moving jobs. Morale seems to be slipping in my current team again. My boss seems even less interested in our work than ever and the belief is that our new head of unit is trying to get rid of him, so he’s just given up. I can’t wait to move on.
I went to the leaving do last night and that was ok. There were gushing speeches and people clapped at appropriate moments. The weird chap I work with, N, had to go to something else last night and so he made sure he was the first person to arrive and ate and drank as much as he could and then dashed of after about 20 minutes.
Earlier in the day we’d had some sandwiches left over from a meeting and when he saw them he took about eight sandwiches and then he saw some other food and piled that on too, then he saw some fruit and took some of that as well. He takes away people’s good will because in the past people often brought in cakes or biscuits but now because he seems to take most of them people aren’t so keen. On a few occasions I have had to speak to him about sharing – what am I, his mother??
He has also been complaining about the cost of our Christmas meal and wanted to negotiate a cheaper rate for himself with the restaurant, which we told him he wasn’t allowed to do. He’s worried about how much alcohol, will cost and sent a few e-mails to people to see if the managers would normally pay for the alcohol rather than everyone paying. I don’t know about the other managers but I have point blank refused to pay for any alcohol for him. I don’t mind for the others but he just sees it as an entitlement and just because we earn more than him doesn’t actually mean we can afford to pay for all his drinks. I just said to them that if he was worried about how much drinks would cost then he shouldn’t drink any alcohol.
Last night I chatted to the woman I will be managing when I move jobs. She seems really nice and it should be good working with her. I am looking forward to moving jobs. Morale seems to be slipping in my current team again. My boss seems even less interested in our work than ever and the belief is that our new head of unit is trying to get rid of him, so he’s just given up. I can’t wait to move on.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Retiring
I started writing my Christmas cards last night. I wrote about six cards and then quickly ran out of enthusiasm. I need to apply myself though and get on with them, partly because I can also send out my change of address. It has also prompted me to contact various people who I think I have out of date addresses for, so it is fairly sociable doing it, in its own way. I have, however, had a complete mental blank on a couple of people’s surname, which must be a sign of old age.
Anyway, I phoned BT yesterday and have sorted out a new phone line with them. That was all relatively painless. I already have an account with BT because my parents’ phone is in my name, so they didn’t have to run a credit check on me and will set it up for me next Friday. They’ve given me a brand new phone number which is really easy to remember, but I’ll resist the urge to post the number here to show how easy it is.
I keep thinking of all the things I have to do and the people I have to contact. I haven’t had to arrange home contents insurance for such a long time that now I have absolutely no recollection of what a normal amount is to insure your property for and they want to know what sort of locks you have and so on and I don’t know the answers because it wasn’t something I paid much attention to when I last went to the flat. Also, because I have always ended up living in places where someone else has already been living there already, I haven’t had to sort out utilities since I was at university, so I am going to have to work out who to contact and how and what it is that I am meant to tell them. I also have to think of all the people I have to inform like my car insurance and credit card and so on. I feel as though I have quite a full head at the moment. Still, I’ll get there in the end and it will be worth it.
Tonight is the leaving do for my old head of unit. It is only since she has retired that I have realised quite how much of a bully she was and how utterly depressed it made me working for her. Now she’s retired I feel as though I have had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and am just hopeful that my new head of unit is not as bad as her reputation suggests she is. Anyway, tonight I’ll go to the leaving do and wish my old head of unit farewell and there’ll be speeches saying how wonderful she was and we’ll all politely nod and she’ll go off into her retirement in blissful ignorance of how miserable she made so many people.
Anyway, I phoned BT yesterday and have sorted out a new phone line with them. That was all relatively painless. I already have an account with BT because my parents’ phone is in my name, so they didn’t have to run a credit check on me and will set it up for me next Friday. They’ve given me a brand new phone number which is really easy to remember, but I’ll resist the urge to post the number here to show how easy it is.
I keep thinking of all the things I have to do and the people I have to contact. I haven’t had to arrange home contents insurance for such a long time that now I have absolutely no recollection of what a normal amount is to insure your property for and they want to know what sort of locks you have and so on and I don’t know the answers because it wasn’t something I paid much attention to when I last went to the flat. Also, because I have always ended up living in places where someone else has already been living there already, I haven’t had to sort out utilities since I was at university, so I am going to have to work out who to contact and how and what it is that I am meant to tell them. I also have to think of all the people I have to inform like my car insurance and credit card and so on. I feel as though I have quite a full head at the moment. Still, I’ll get there in the end and it will be worth it.
Tonight is the leaving do for my old head of unit. It is only since she has retired that I have realised quite how much of a bully she was and how utterly depressed it made me working for her. Now she’s retired I feel as though I have had a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and am just hopeful that my new head of unit is not as bad as her reputation suggests she is. Anyway, tonight I’ll go to the leaving do and wish my old head of unit farewell and there’ll be speeches saying how wonderful she was and we’ll all politely nod and she’ll go off into her retirement in blissful ignorance of how miserable she made so many people.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Glowing
Right, a few things to report. First let’s start with the good news. I have, at last, exchanged on buying my flat!! I spoke to my solicitor a couple of times yesterday to discuss various things. He is such a nice chap and also left a message on my voicemail congratulating me on it and so on. The completion date is set for 15 December, so only just over a week to go. I finally have some certainty that this is actually going to happen because now we have exchanged we are contractually obliged to go through with the purchase. Anyway, in just over a week I will have a home of my own. Woo hoo!
It’s definitely time to move, as last night I was trying to arrange a new phone line with BT when suddenly the phone line went dead. Then I realised the oven had also gone off, as had all the appliances. The only electrically powered items that were still working were the lights. I messed about with the fuse box and managed to find the one that had tripped the system but could not find what had actually caused it to happen in the first place. Basically the TV, video etc don’t work in the living room because I can’t get that circuit to come back on, but I can’t work out why. I texted my landlady to see if she knew what the problem might be (it wasn’t that I thought she would telepathically work it out more that she might know what makes the fuses blow from past experience). Anyway, she replied this morning and her advice was basically the equivalent of when you phone the IT help desk at work and they say “have you tried switching it off and back on again?”
On other matters, when I got back from my holiday British Airways had e-mailed me a couple of times about the contaminated flights that had been searched. I assume that this was because I flew to Moscow on BA recently, so therefore I might be concerned that I am radioactive. Their website wasn’t very much help so I have no idea if I was on one of the affected flights, but I have noticed lately that I do seem to glow in the dark and no longer need to cook my food in an oven because just by touching it it is instantly cooked. It worked a treat last night when all the power went out. It’s amazing how life works sometimes. Every cloud and all that...
I haven’t actually been feeling 100% since I got back from the Gambia and am just slightly wondering if I might be showing symptoms of malaria. I was taking malarone while I was away which is a very good anti-malarial but none of them are 100% effective. I had a look on the internet to see what the symptoms are and found the following
“The first symptoms of malaria are like having the flu. You may have:
a headache” [I had a really horrible headache yesterday which seems to have subsided but there’s a bit of a background ache in my head. Alternative explanation: I just haven’t drunk enough liquid and my body is still craving water having returned from somewhere really hot]
“aching muscles” [since I got back from the Gambia I have had a strange aching in my legs. Alternative explanation: I sat on a cramped plane for over 6 hours and my legs are still recovering]
“tummy ache” [I have been feeling a bit sick since I got back and have been a bit loathed to eat food at various points because I haven’t been feeling too great. Alternative explanation: it is really common to pick up some type of stomach bug while in the Gambia]
“weakness or lethargy” [when I woke up yesterday morning I had to force myself out of bed and just wanted to fall back to sleep, which is really unlike me. Alternative explanation: it was a Monday morning feeling and only weird people would have been excited at the prospect of going back to work after a week away]
I have also been feeling a bit cold and so on, which is also a symptom of malaria. I am generally someone who even if I had a limb hanging off would say “oh it’s fine, it’s just a graze”, but I think I’d better keep an eye on this one. The incidents of people from the UK who go to the Gambia getting malaria is actually rising, which is not because malaria is getting more prevalent but because the Gambia is becoming a destination where people can go to on a cheap last minute deal. Quite a lot of people either leave it too late to get the proper vaccinations or decide that it adds too much expense to their holiday and so don’t bother to get them. Apparently if you get malaria it feels like your head is going to explode, so anything that can be done to prevent this has to be a good thing. Malaria can also be fatal and potential death does seem a good incentive to avoid getting it as well.
Anyway, if you hear of a radioactive explosion in London then it is probably just me, so don’t be too alarmed.
It’s definitely time to move, as last night I was trying to arrange a new phone line with BT when suddenly the phone line went dead. Then I realised the oven had also gone off, as had all the appliances. The only electrically powered items that were still working were the lights. I messed about with the fuse box and managed to find the one that had tripped the system but could not find what had actually caused it to happen in the first place. Basically the TV, video etc don’t work in the living room because I can’t get that circuit to come back on, but I can’t work out why. I texted my landlady to see if she knew what the problem might be (it wasn’t that I thought she would telepathically work it out more that she might know what makes the fuses blow from past experience). Anyway, she replied this morning and her advice was basically the equivalent of when you phone the IT help desk at work and they say “have you tried switching it off and back on again?”
On other matters, when I got back from my holiday British Airways had e-mailed me a couple of times about the contaminated flights that had been searched. I assume that this was because I flew to Moscow on BA recently, so therefore I might be concerned that I am radioactive. Their website wasn’t very much help so I have no idea if I was on one of the affected flights, but I have noticed lately that I do seem to glow in the dark and no longer need to cook my food in an oven because just by touching it it is instantly cooked. It worked a treat last night when all the power went out. It’s amazing how life works sometimes. Every cloud and all that...
I haven’t actually been feeling 100% since I got back from the Gambia and am just slightly wondering if I might be showing symptoms of malaria. I was taking malarone while I was away which is a very good anti-malarial but none of them are 100% effective. I had a look on the internet to see what the symptoms are and found the following
“The first symptoms of malaria are like having the flu. You may have:
a headache” [I had a really horrible headache yesterday which seems to have subsided but there’s a bit of a background ache in my head. Alternative explanation: I just haven’t drunk enough liquid and my body is still craving water having returned from somewhere really hot]
“aching muscles” [since I got back from the Gambia I have had a strange aching in my legs. Alternative explanation: I sat on a cramped plane for over 6 hours and my legs are still recovering]
“tummy ache” [I have been feeling a bit sick since I got back and have been a bit loathed to eat food at various points because I haven’t been feeling too great. Alternative explanation: it is really common to pick up some type of stomach bug while in the Gambia]
“weakness or lethargy” [when I woke up yesterday morning I had to force myself out of bed and just wanted to fall back to sleep, which is really unlike me. Alternative explanation: it was a Monday morning feeling and only weird people would have been excited at the prospect of going back to work after a week away]
I have also been feeling a bit cold and so on, which is also a symptom of malaria. I am generally someone who even if I had a limb hanging off would say “oh it’s fine, it’s just a graze”, but I think I’d better keep an eye on this one. The incidents of people from the UK who go to the Gambia getting malaria is actually rising, which is not because malaria is getting more prevalent but because the Gambia is becoming a destination where people can go to on a cheap last minute deal. Quite a lot of people either leave it too late to get the proper vaccinations or decide that it adds too much expense to their holiday and so don’t bother to get them. Apparently if you get malaria it feels like your head is going to explode, so anything that can be done to prevent this has to be a good thing. Malaria can also be fatal and potential death does seem a good incentive to avoid getting it as well.
Anyway, if you hear of a radioactive explosion in London then it is probably just me, so don’t be too alarmed.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Naughty or Nice
I saw Santa yesterday! It involved a very long queue but we eventually got to see him, although I think my nephew wasn’t entirely impressed by the whole experience. It involved going on a train to get to Santa’s grotto but that then meant that we were pretty cold by the time we got to actually see him. I’ll leave you to work out for yourself whether I was being naughty or nice while I was sitting on Santa’s knee.
I spoke to the estate agent on Saturday to find out what the latest on buying my flat is. It seems I still haven’t exchanged but hopefully will do in the next few days. I need to phone my solicitor today to find out what he thinks because the estate agent isn’t always the most reliable source of information. Anyway, we may be looking at a completion date of somewhere around 14 December, which would be quite good as I am on leave the following week until the New Year (assuming something I need to do at work is done in time).
I’m a bit confused about what is happening with the sale of the place I am currently living in. My landlady has sent me a couple of texts that suggest she has accepted an offer, including one that said the purchaser was coming to have another look at the place last Friday. But then she sent me another text to say that some people were coming for a viewing on Saturday and today – and the house is still definitely on the market. So, that all seems a bit odd. However, apparently my landlady’s solicitor is meant to be writing to me to ask me to state that I will move out of the property prior to completion. I really have no idea what the point of that is given that I will be gone very soon, but I suppose it is just another example of her being very ‘efficient’. *Tries to focus mind on being nice about my landlady so I get lots of presents from Santa*
I spoke to the estate agent on Saturday to find out what the latest on buying my flat is. It seems I still haven’t exchanged but hopefully will do in the next few days. I need to phone my solicitor today to find out what he thinks because the estate agent isn’t always the most reliable source of information. Anyway, we may be looking at a completion date of somewhere around 14 December, which would be quite good as I am on leave the following week until the New Year (assuming something I need to do at work is done in time).
I’m a bit confused about what is happening with the sale of the place I am currently living in. My landlady has sent me a couple of texts that suggest she has accepted an offer, including one that said the purchaser was coming to have another look at the place last Friday. But then she sent me another text to say that some people were coming for a viewing on Saturday and today – and the house is still definitely on the market. So, that all seems a bit odd. However, apparently my landlady’s solicitor is meant to be writing to me to ask me to state that I will move out of the property prior to completion. I really have no idea what the point of that is given that I will be gone very soon, but I suppose it is just another example of her being very ‘efficient’. *Tries to focus mind on being nice about my landlady so I get lots of presents from Santa*
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Paradise Found
Some of the time while I was away we went to Jinack Island also known as Paradise Island. This was the bit of the holiday that required a boat ride. I took some sea sickness tablets and they seemed to make things a bit easier although I felt slightly green around the gills by the time the journey was over. The sea was very rough and the sun was beating down and this wasn’t the best combination. We were on a pirogue which was not the most stable form of transport either (it did have a motor though). Anyway, I made it to the other side and resisted the urge to kiss the golden sand. We actually landed in Senegal, so I managed to go to two African countries while I was away and then we walked along the beach to the place that we were staying. A place with no electricity, no running water and no light at night apart from the moon and hurricane lamps and, as I said yesterday, I’ll show you what the en suite bathroom consisted of when I get my photos back.
We were staying at an eco resort (resort being a somewhat misleading word) in straw huts that fortunately had mosquito nets, which weren’t particularly useful for mosquitoes, as you don’t get those at the coast, but they did help to protect us from the bugs that were there. The others all found bugs in their beds at various points during the night and my friend actually was bitten by some ear wig type thing while she was asleep (which quickly woke her up). But it was a really beautiful place and if you like bird watching then this is the place to go.
One of the people who helped to run the place took us to his village and I felt a bit like the “great white hope” there and was actually a bit uncomfortable with the way the children swarmed around us like we were something special. It felt a bit like we were gawking at them in their somewhat basic village. Mind you they are probably not all that poor there as apart from the rice they grow for them to eat, they also grow very large amounts of cannabis. Apparently it is legal to grow it on the island but that is only because officials are too scared to go on to the island because of a curse. Lovely.
I did have an offer of marriage while I was on the island, which after careful consideration I decided to decline. I just felt that if I was going to give up my life to live amongst rice and cannabis then that was probably worth more than three cows. *thinks* Maybe it’s because I am so picky that I am still single. The chap who took us to his village was also rather friendly, and this will sound rather more creepy than it actually was, but he was somewhat tactile when he spoke to me and on a few occasions would sort of run his hand across my back or some other part of my anatomy as he walked past. The first night we were there he did come to my hut as I was about to go to bed and ask me to join him at the fire. I politely declined.
The only downside to being there (apart from the boat trip to get there and back) was that in the earlier hours of Wednesday morning I realised that I was dreaming that the friend I fell out with and I managed to sort things out and we were back on good terms with each other. I woke up in the morning and felt really happy that we’d sorted it out, but then suddenly I remembered that it was just a dream and actually there’s no solution to this one. My heart sank and I just felt really sad and disappointed after that and still do to a degree. I feel quite happy generally and had a good time away but it just had an element of sadness to it because of that dream.
Even so it was a good couple of days on the island, involving bugs and lizards, much lounging about in the 36 degree heat, I *wasn’t* sick and I could have married a Gambian. Paradise indeed.
We were staying at an eco resort (resort being a somewhat misleading word) in straw huts that fortunately had mosquito nets, which weren’t particularly useful for mosquitoes, as you don’t get those at the coast, but they did help to protect us from the bugs that were there. The others all found bugs in their beds at various points during the night and my friend actually was bitten by some ear wig type thing while she was asleep (which quickly woke her up). But it was a really beautiful place and if you like bird watching then this is the place to go.
One of the people who helped to run the place took us to his village and I felt a bit like the “great white hope” there and was actually a bit uncomfortable with the way the children swarmed around us like we were something special. It felt a bit like we were gawking at them in their somewhat basic village. Mind you they are probably not all that poor there as apart from the rice they grow for them to eat, they also grow very large amounts of cannabis. Apparently it is legal to grow it on the island but that is only because officials are too scared to go on to the island because of a curse. Lovely.
I did have an offer of marriage while I was on the island, which after careful consideration I decided to decline. I just felt that if I was going to give up my life to live amongst rice and cannabis then that was probably worth more than three cows. *thinks* Maybe it’s because I am so picky that I am still single. The chap who took us to his village was also rather friendly, and this will sound rather more creepy than it actually was, but he was somewhat tactile when he spoke to me and on a few occasions would sort of run his hand across my back or some other part of my anatomy as he walked past. The first night we were there he did come to my hut as I was about to go to bed and ask me to join him at the fire. I politely declined.
The only downside to being there (apart from the boat trip to get there and back) was that in the earlier hours of Wednesday morning I realised that I was dreaming that the friend I fell out with and I managed to sort things out and we were back on good terms with each other. I woke up in the morning and felt really happy that we’d sorted it out, but then suddenly I remembered that it was just a dream and actually there’s no solution to this one. My heart sank and I just felt really sad and disappointed after that and still do to a degree. I feel quite happy generally and had a good time away but it just had an element of sadness to it because of that dream.
Even so it was a good couple of days on the island, involving bugs and lizards, much lounging about in the 36 degree heat, I *wasn’t* sick and I could have married a Gambian. Paradise indeed.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Out of Africa
I’m back sunned, relaxed, rested and recuperated. I had a very good time away which I’ll write about over the next few days. To give a brief taster though, there were marriage proposals - including my friend’s dad trying to sell me for three cows (let me tell you, I am worth so much more than that!), there were lizards, there were cold showers, there were boat trips without being sick (woo hoo!), and I have a whole new understanding of “en suite bathroom” *shudder* Only a photo will be able to convey this though. So I’ll have to send off my photos to be developed.
When I was about to leave for my friend’s parents’ house last Thursday night the cat decided that she would show how much she would miss me by doing a poo on the living room carpet. It was obviously very touching that she was so distressed at me leaving but not what I wanted to be dealing with at that moment. I did, however, resist the urge to leave it there for my landlady to clear up. When I headed to the airport yesterday I did suggest to my friend that she would have to find some way to surpass the cat’s way of conveying her distress at me leaving but she politely declined to share in the same way, so we just gave each other a hug instead. You’ve got to take what you can get.
I’ve now returned to Christmas being even more obvious here in the UK. The Gambia is mainly Muslim so there was no real sign of it there at all. But as we are now in December, I officially give people permission to mention the word. It also means the return of 'Tis the season which may help you to get into the festive mood. The archives are very funny if you have the chance to browse them.
When I was about to leave for my friend’s parents’ house last Thursday night the cat decided that she would show how much she would miss me by doing a poo on the living room carpet. It was obviously very touching that she was so distressed at me leaving but not what I wanted to be dealing with at that moment. I did, however, resist the urge to leave it there for my landlady to clear up. When I headed to the airport yesterday I did suggest to my friend that she would have to find some way to surpass the cat’s way of conveying her distress at me leaving but she politely declined to share in the same way, so we just gave each other a hug instead. You’ve got to take what you can get.
I’ve now returned to Christmas being even more obvious here in the UK. The Gambia is mainly Muslim so there was no real sign of it there at all. But as we are now in December, I officially give people permission to mention the word. It also means the return of 'Tis the season which may help you to get into the festive mood. The archives are very funny if you have the chance to browse them.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
African Adventure
Okey dokey. It’s almost time to depart on my hols. Just one more day of work to get through and then I am free for a week of sun, sand and… some more sun. I am going to the Gambia to see a friend from university who works there. I am off to stay with her parents tonight because they are going as well and we will set off for the airport at some ridiculously early hour tomorrow morning.
I’m not really sure what we’re doing while we’re there beyond staying at my friend’s house for a few days and we’ll be going to a resort for some of the time as well. Getting to the resort will involve a boat trip and so I have been warned to bring travel sickness tablets, not because it will be a particularly rough trip but because I have a history of throwing up when there is any combination of a boat and water (my friend was with me at the Great Barrier Reef, so believe me she knows…).
I’ve realised I should have one more anti-malarial tablet than I do, but am going to take them at their word that I can start to take them “one to two days” before I set off, as its probably more important to continue the course for longer at the end. Should I die of malaria then I’ll know this was not the right decision. Mind you, I was talking to someone at work who told me that someone we work with took the same anti-malarials and was rushed to hospital with kidney failure, so it seems that if death is after you there may be no escape.
I was talking to my credit card company a couple of days ago and I mentioned that I was going to the Gambia (it was relevant, I wasn’t just bragging!) and the woman replied “Are you going hunting?” Hunting?? Er... yes I am and have packed my spear for that very purpose. I shall, of course, post pictures of my successful kills, including the severed head of a lion.
I also checked with my solicitor about what they wanted me to do about giving them the rest of the money for the purchase of the place I am buying. They told me that I should hang on to my money as I may as well gain the interest because it was unlikely to delay anything by me waiting until I got back to give it to them. Hopefully I will exchange in the next week anyway. I’ve signed all the documents and done everything I need to so that can happen while I am away. Hopefully…
Anyway, I’m off to Africa! I’ve never been there before so that’s a *whole* *new* *continent*. Woo hoo! Bring on the sunshine.
I’m not really sure what we’re doing while we’re there beyond staying at my friend’s house for a few days and we’ll be going to a resort for some of the time as well. Getting to the resort will involve a boat trip and so I have been warned to bring travel sickness tablets, not because it will be a particularly rough trip but because I have a history of throwing up when there is any combination of a boat and water (my friend was with me at the Great Barrier Reef, so believe me she knows…).
I’ve realised I should have one more anti-malarial tablet than I do, but am going to take them at their word that I can start to take them “one to two days” before I set off, as its probably more important to continue the course for longer at the end. Should I die of malaria then I’ll know this was not the right decision. Mind you, I was talking to someone at work who told me that someone we work with took the same anti-malarials and was rushed to hospital with kidney failure, so it seems that if death is after you there may be no escape.
I was talking to my credit card company a couple of days ago and I mentioned that I was going to the Gambia (it was relevant, I wasn’t just bragging!) and the woman replied “Are you going hunting?” Hunting?? Er... yes I am and have packed my spear for that very purpose. I shall, of course, post pictures of my successful kills, including the severed head of a lion.
I also checked with my solicitor about what they wanted me to do about giving them the rest of the money for the purchase of the place I am buying. They told me that I should hang on to my money as I may as well gain the interest because it was unlikely to delay anything by me waiting until I got back to give it to them. Hopefully I will exchange in the next week anyway. I’ve signed all the documents and done everything I need to so that can happen while I am away. Hopefully…
Anyway, I’m off to Africa! I’ve never been there before so that’s a *whole* *new* *continent*. Woo hoo! Bring on the sunshine.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Has anyone got a stamp?
Dear Obsessive Landlady
Thank you for your texts instructing me on various issues. Why let basic pleasantries get in the way of communication? Why bother to pick up the phone and speak to me when you can instead use txt spk to give your orders? Of course your ability to phone me is somewhat limited by you disconnecting the telephone service last week, so it is understandable that you would be too tight to actually phone me on my mobile.
I was somewhat alarmed to get home on Monday night to find that someone had been in the house leaving lights on, had shut the cat in the living room and moved my clothes and other items about in my bedroom. Whilst I have been somewhat perturbed by your actions in the past, I was truly impressed and astounded that, given you live in Cardiff, you must have tidied my room by mere power of thought. Upon inquiring with you I was disappointed and not entirely pleased to learn that it was your 70 year old father who had in fact been in the house. Whilst I understand that certain traits run in the family, I had not realised that your propensity to go through my clothes and underwear had been inherited from your father. Although I am sure you know your father well, I do not and so his having gone through my possessions is not something that I welcome. However, I shall add him to the list of suspects of who may have purloined my top and suit trousers.
I felt that we had made a major break through recently when you at last acknowledged your obsessive nature. However, I feel that we have sunk to a new low in that you are now controlling events from afar. Should I end up in prison for your murder, I will seek inspiration from you by not being limited by either geography or the law in terms of my dealings with the outside world. Prison life may not be much different to now in that my current living conditions mean that I inhabit a room that is 7’ by 8’ and my actions are presided over to the minutest degree. Of course, I will only end up in prison once they have prised the bloodied axe from my hands.
But let me return to that point about the law. There is that little inconvenience known as tenancy law, which I naively believed gave me the right to some notice if you or one of your ‘agents’ wished to seek entry to the property and allows me not to have my own private space invaded just because the landlord wishes I were more tidy. Given that I am 31 years old it is not necessarily surprising that I have more possessions than would normally fit into a cell sized room.
I see that in your judgement I am good enough to look after your cat and clear up its excrement, but I should perhaps point out that ‘judgement’ and ‘being judgmental’ are not the same thing. Might I be so bold as to suggest that your judgement is somewhat impaired whilst your ability to be judgmental is spot on. It is perhaps normal to focus praise on someone’s achievements but in this case I think it is not necessarily something of which to be proud. I might also add that there is a difference between empathy and being a control freak. I will leave you to ponder which of those traits you most ably exemplify.
I am aware that you will be in residence this weekend, which will coincide with me being on holiday. I would ask that you resist the urge to reorganise my possessions as you see fit. However, in anticipation of my return next week I shall sharpen my axe.
Best wishes
RR
Thank you for your texts instructing me on various issues. Why let basic pleasantries get in the way of communication? Why bother to pick up the phone and speak to me when you can instead use txt spk to give your orders? Of course your ability to phone me is somewhat limited by you disconnecting the telephone service last week, so it is understandable that you would be too tight to actually phone me on my mobile.
I was somewhat alarmed to get home on Monday night to find that someone had been in the house leaving lights on, had shut the cat in the living room and moved my clothes and other items about in my bedroom. Whilst I have been somewhat perturbed by your actions in the past, I was truly impressed and astounded that, given you live in Cardiff, you must have tidied my room by mere power of thought. Upon inquiring with you I was disappointed and not entirely pleased to learn that it was your 70 year old father who had in fact been in the house. Whilst I understand that certain traits run in the family, I had not realised that your propensity to go through my clothes and underwear had been inherited from your father. Although I am sure you know your father well, I do not and so his having gone through my possessions is not something that I welcome. However, I shall add him to the list of suspects of who may have purloined my top and suit trousers.
I felt that we had made a major break through recently when you at last acknowledged your obsessive nature. However, I feel that we have sunk to a new low in that you are now controlling events from afar. Should I end up in prison for your murder, I will seek inspiration from you by not being limited by either geography or the law in terms of my dealings with the outside world. Prison life may not be much different to now in that my current living conditions mean that I inhabit a room that is 7’ by 8’ and my actions are presided over to the minutest degree. Of course, I will only end up in prison once they have prised the bloodied axe from my hands.
But let me return to that point about the law. There is that little inconvenience known as tenancy law, which I naively believed gave me the right to some notice if you or one of your ‘agents’ wished to seek entry to the property and allows me not to have my own private space invaded just because the landlord wishes I were more tidy. Given that I am 31 years old it is not necessarily surprising that I have more possessions than would normally fit into a cell sized room.
I see that in your judgement I am good enough to look after your cat and clear up its excrement, but I should perhaps point out that ‘judgement’ and ‘being judgmental’ are not the same thing. Might I be so bold as to suggest that your judgement is somewhat impaired whilst your ability to be judgmental is spot on. It is perhaps normal to focus praise on someone’s achievements but in this case I think it is not necessarily something of which to be proud. I might also add that there is a difference between empathy and being a control freak. I will leave you to ponder which of those traits you most ably exemplify.
I am aware that you will be in residence this weekend, which will coincide with me being on holiday. I would ask that you resist the urge to reorganise my possessions as you see fit. However, in anticipation of my return next week I shall sharpen my axe.
Best wishes
RR
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Insight
I feel absolutely exasperated at the moment (landlady stuff) and cannot even put it into words at the moment! So instead, I shall give you a possibly slightly bizarre insight into my life. I think this originally came from Zanne Ado
1. Dated outside your race? Nope
2. Singing in the shower? Not where I currently live as my landlady would probably appraise my singing note by note. But it has been known when I have lived elsewhere…
3. Spit in someone’s drink? Nope.
4. Played with Barbies? Nope.
5. Made someone cry? Sadly yes.
6. Opened your Christmas presents early? Not without explicit permission.
7. Lied to a friend? I would imagine so but can’t think of an example right now.
8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera? Probably in my youth when watching some moving installment of Neighbours.
9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours? Nope.
10. Ran through the sprinklers naked? Nope.
11. Ate food that fell on the floor? It’s food, you can’t waste it.
12. Went outside naked? As a young child but I think it would be more than the world could cope with now.
13. Been on stage? Yes.
14. Been on stage naked or close to it? Nope.
15. Been in a parade? Yes.
16. Been in a school play? Yes.
17. Drank beer? I have tasted it but I don’t like alcohol.
18. Gotten detention? Nope, which as I was not very good a doing as I was told when I was at school is surprising.
19. Been on a cruise? Nope.
20. Broken into a house? Nope.
21. Gotten a tattoo? Nope.
22. Gotten piercings? Nope. That would involve jewellery of some sort and I’m not a big fan of jewellery.
23. Gotten into a fist fight? If defending myself from my dad counts then yes, but otherwise no.
24. Gotten into a shouting match? In the past, but if I shouted now I think I would just end up coughing a lot, which tends to look a bit pathetic!
25. Swallowed sea/pool water? Yes, and I try not to think what else was probably in that water.
26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose? In my youth but I actually hate the feeling of being dizzy.
27. Laughed so hard it hurt? Oh yes, I love that feeling.
28. Tripped on your own feet? Occasionally, but fortunately it’s not one of the things I have inherited from my mum who has done that a number of times and sustained serious injuries as a result. Ouch.
29. Cried yourself to sleep? Yep.
30. Cried in public? Yep, including most recently in my office.
31. Thrown up in public? Yep, Great Barrier Reef, a beautiful square in Bratislava, in the toilets at work. For someone who hasn’t been sick very often, I certainly do it in style!
32. Lied to your parents? Not about anything major - my mum would say I just tend not to tell them things.
33. Skipped class? A few times at uni, it was inhumane to schedule lectures at 9am. Or 10am... or 11am...
34. Cried so hard you threw up? Nope.
35. Had a one night stand? Nope.
36. Left restaurant without paying tab? Nope.
37. Been Fired from a job? Nope.
38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairdresser? Nope.
39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar? Nope.
40. Been winked at and loved it? On the few occasions it has happened I have appreciated it, but it has tended to just make me laugh which probably isn’t the best reaction.
1. Dated outside your race? Nope
2. Singing in the shower? Not where I currently live as my landlady would probably appraise my singing note by note. But it has been known when I have lived elsewhere…
3. Spit in someone’s drink? Nope.
4. Played with Barbies? Nope.
5. Made someone cry? Sadly yes.
6. Opened your Christmas presents early? Not without explicit permission.
7. Lied to a friend? I would imagine so but can’t think of an example right now.
8. Watched and cried while watching a soap opera? Probably in my youth when watching some moving installment of Neighbours.
9. Played a computer game for more than 5 hours? Nope.
10. Ran through the sprinklers naked? Nope.
11. Ate food that fell on the floor? It’s food, you can’t waste it.
12. Went outside naked? As a young child but I think it would be more than the world could cope with now.
13. Been on stage? Yes.
14. Been on stage naked or close to it? Nope.
15. Been in a parade? Yes.
16. Been in a school play? Yes.
17. Drank beer? I have tasted it but I don’t like alcohol.
18. Gotten detention? Nope, which as I was not very good a doing as I was told when I was at school is surprising.
19. Been on a cruise? Nope.
20. Broken into a house? Nope.
21. Gotten a tattoo? Nope.
22. Gotten piercings? Nope. That would involve jewellery of some sort and I’m not a big fan of jewellery.
23. Gotten into a fist fight? If defending myself from my dad counts then yes, but otherwise no.
24. Gotten into a shouting match? In the past, but if I shouted now I think I would just end up coughing a lot, which tends to look a bit pathetic!
25. Swallowed sea/pool water? Yes, and I try not to think what else was probably in that water.
26. Spun yourself in circles to get dizzy on purpose? In my youth but I actually hate the feeling of being dizzy.
27. Laughed so hard it hurt? Oh yes, I love that feeling.
28. Tripped on your own feet? Occasionally, but fortunately it’s not one of the things I have inherited from my mum who has done that a number of times and sustained serious injuries as a result. Ouch.
29. Cried yourself to sleep? Yep.
30. Cried in public? Yep, including most recently in my office.
31. Thrown up in public? Yep, Great Barrier Reef, a beautiful square in Bratislava, in the toilets at work. For someone who hasn’t been sick very often, I certainly do it in style!
32. Lied to your parents? Not about anything major - my mum would say I just tend not to tell them things.
33. Skipped class? A few times at uni, it was inhumane to schedule lectures at 9am. Or 10am... or 11am...
34. Cried so hard you threw up? Nope.
35. Had a one night stand? Nope.
36. Left restaurant without paying tab? Nope.
37. Been Fired from a job? Nope.
38. Wanted to make out with your massage therapist, therapist OR hairdresser? Nope.
39. Had a drink "sent" to a stranger at a bar? Nope.
40. Been winked at and loved it? On the few occasions it has happened I have appreciated it, but it has tended to just make me laugh which probably isn’t the best reaction.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Late
I seem to think that a couple of weeks ago I had been blogging for a year. What do I have to say about that? Not a lot beyond having met some very nice people through blogging (both in person and in cyber-space) and my blog not being as I had expected i.e. I had never intended to say anything particularly personal. But what can I tell you? It’s cheaper than paying a therapist.
I was at my parents’ yesterday and mum knows that I write a blog, although nothing more than that. Her latest thing seems to be asking me where it is, what it’s about etc etc. Somehow I just don’t have the urge to tell her how to find it though. It means I have to remove every trace if I visit it whenever I use their computer though. I think it would just be very weird if my mum read it.
Talking of weird things, there’s this, which is basically a way to analyse something someone has written to see what gender their writing style comes out as. From my writing it has decided I am female, which is a relief. But this assertion is based on the fact that I use words such as “and” and (*thinks* ooh prime example there) “was”. Do men really not use those words very much? Does that mean men only ever construct very short sentences and never think about anything in the past? Apparently male words are things like “the” and (there I go again) “it”. Men are obviously a highly developed gender. Anyway, if you blog, or want to dig out an old school essay, you may wish to analyse your writing style - or find out about other people. I am sure it is highly scientifically accurate.
I keep meaning to comment on a blogger who I am often impressed by, that being Sarsparilla, who I think is really good at expressing herself and hit’s the nail on the head with all sorts of things she says. I could mention any number of her posts that I think have been brilliant but I’ll just mention her latest one and given that I have written a bit about blogging today, one she wrote a while agoabout that very subject and personas. I will add this to the list of things I need to return to at some point - how similar am I in real life to what is in my blog? For now, I will leave you to ponder that for yourself.
I was at my parents’ yesterday and mum knows that I write a blog, although nothing more than that. Her latest thing seems to be asking me where it is, what it’s about etc etc. Somehow I just don’t have the urge to tell her how to find it though. It means I have to remove every trace if I visit it whenever I use their computer though. I think it would just be very weird if my mum read it.
Talking of weird things, there’s this, which is basically a way to analyse something someone has written to see what gender their writing style comes out as. From my writing it has decided I am female, which is a relief. But this assertion is based on the fact that I use words such as “and” and (*thinks* ooh prime example there) “was”. Do men really not use those words very much? Does that mean men only ever construct very short sentences and never think about anything in the past? Apparently male words are things like “the” and (there I go again) “it”. Men are obviously a highly developed gender. Anyway, if you blog, or want to dig out an old school essay, you may wish to analyse your writing style - or find out about other people. I am sure it is highly scientifically accurate.
I keep meaning to comment on a blogger who I am often impressed by, that being Sarsparilla, who I think is really good at expressing herself and hit’s the nail on the head with all sorts of things she says. I could mention any number of her posts that I think have been brilliant but I’ll just mention her latest one and given that I have written a bit about blogging today, one she wrote a while agoabout that very subject and personas. I will add this to the list of things I need to return to at some point - how similar am I in real life to what is in my blog? For now, I will leave you to ponder that for yourself.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Dubious
I was kind of interested to read this story recently, which basically says that some four million of us have a phobia of using public toilets. It’s not that I find it odd that people might not want to use public toilets. Some people have genuine reasons to not be keen to use them and to be honest, you only have to have a basic expectation of hygiene to be somewhat reticent to use a public loo - but more than 4 million people have this phobia apparently. That’s four *million* people therefore meaning that, if my GCSE maths is of any use at all, something like 1 in every 15 people suffers from this phobia. That sounds a little unlikely to me. Surely the majority of those people, it is just because the toilets are in such a poor state - but then that suggests that 14 out of 15 people couldn’t care less. There’s also a difference between a phobia and just preferring not to do something and I suspect that most people fall into the latter category. Whichever way I look at this I can’t seem to convince myself that this makes sense. So, I have to admit to being a bit sceptical about this statistic.
Recently I also read that apparently, according to Penguin Books, if you read four books a year then you are a ‘heavy reader’. Four books? That’s one per season of the year. If that statistic is true then myself and many people who travel on the tube everyday are suffering from a form of OCD. I have slowed my pace over the last couple of years, but until then I was reading about 50 books a year - and not just ones with lots of pictures in them.
The thing that I find most difficult to accept at the moment though is that really irritating Asda advert where some small child shouts out “It’s Christmas”. The first time I heard it, I rather sharply replied that no it isn’t. Not that I suppose he noticed… I’m thinking of blacklisting all companies that decide to try and force Christmas on me in November. However, as this may well mean that I can never eat again, or buy pretty much anything for that matter, I may have to rethink this policy.
Recently I also read that apparently, according to Penguin Books, if you read four books a year then you are a ‘heavy reader’. Four books? That’s one per season of the year. If that statistic is true then myself and many people who travel on the tube everyday are suffering from a form of OCD. I have slowed my pace over the last couple of years, but until then I was reading about 50 books a year - and not just ones with lots of pictures in them.
The thing that I find most difficult to accept at the moment though is that really irritating Asda advert where some small child shouts out “It’s Christmas”. The first time I heard it, I rather sharply replied that no it isn’t. Not that I suppose he noticed… I’m thinking of blacklisting all companies that decide to try and force Christmas on me in November. However, as this may well mean that I can never eat again, or buy pretty much anything for that matter, I may have to rethink this policy.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Fault
I still have no phone line at home but my landlady texted me earlier to say that they're working on fixing the fault. I'm not really sure what she means by a 'fault' given that it was disconnected due to her asking it to be done but at least it might be fixed soon.
I spoke to my solicitor yesterday and he said that there was no progress at all on exchanging on the place I am buying, as the freeholder has still not come up with what she should have. Soon hopefully...
I have an exciting weekend ahead of doing such things as looking at some electrical applicances and going to the supermarket. I also need to sort myself out a bit to go away on holiday at the end of the week, I can't wait to go and spend a bit of time in some winter sunshine, although it will then be weird to come back to things being really geared up for Christmas. Right, anyway, had better get on.
Oh and I have now managed to hopefully successfully load that picture in last Monday's post so you can view my landlady's hygiene standards in all its glory.
I spoke to my solicitor yesterday and he said that there was no progress at all on exchanging on the place I am buying, as the freeholder has still not come up with what she should have. Soon hopefully...
I have an exciting weekend ahead of doing such things as looking at some electrical applicances and going to the supermarket. I also need to sort myself out a bit to go away on holiday at the end of the week, I can't wait to go and spend a bit of time in some winter sunshine, although it will then be weird to come back to things being really geared up for Christmas. Right, anyway, had better get on.
Oh and I have now managed to hopefully successfully load that picture in last Monday's post so you can view my landlady's hygiene standards in all its glory.
Friday, November 17, 2006
Content
I’ve just finished reading ‘The Kite Runner’ by Khaled Hosseini. It took me a while to warm to it but by the end I was really engrossed and found it rather moving. On the tube on the way home last night I was disappointed when I reached my station because I had to break the flow and stop reading. I’ve read some awful books this year and some really good ones and this book is definitely one of the good ones.
I had a pleasant evening yesterday and, as recommended by TF, it did involve (part of) an Easter egg and a bath. Various people texted me while I was in the bath and this included my landlady. She said that she’d got her son to try and sort out the phone and he had arranged for the phone company to phone my landlady to get the phone reconnected. In her text she said “Difficult [for her to call them] by mobile as they keep me waiting ages.” I actually have very little sympathy for that as she managed to call them in the first place to get the phone disconnected and didn’t seem to have any problems doing that, but now she’s trying to fix this for me, suddenly she’s worried about running up her phone bill. All of this would have been fine if she’d just bothered to ask me what my plans were in the first place. It looks as though my internet access over the weekend will be somewhat limited though.
I also exchanged a few texts with my friend L. She is still going through a really bad time, has major depression and has nowhere to live. This weekend she is in Manchester because she can’t find anywhere affordable in London to stay. She relies on being able to find cheap hostels and so on, so that she has somewhere to stay each night and this has probably been going on for about a year. A cheap hostel in London is still expensive and she finds it really tough. I’ve said to her that she can stay for a bit or maybe stay some weekends, but she finds it really hard to accept help and I think is scared that she would somehow outstay her welcome and then lose another friend. But to me, she just needs a bit of a break and not to be constantly moving from place to place, so I hope that she might at least come and stay on occasion and then she’d have somewhere that she could just relax and it would save her a bit of money as well. Hopefully we’re going to meet up next week, but she’s already said to me that she is doing really badly at the moment so there is every chance she won’t feel up to it.
By contrast, despite the phone irritations, still not knowing when I’m going to move house and various things ticking over in my mind, I actually feel strangely content with life at the moment. There’s a bit of me that thinks that by saying it somehow it will go away, but it’s true nonetheless that right now I feel pretty good about life generally and kind of at peace about things - and I’m liking it.
I had a pleasant evening yesterday and, as recommended by TF, it did involve (part of) an Easter egg and a bath. Various people texted me while I was in the bath and this included my landlady. She said that she’d got her son to try and sort out the phone and he had arranged for the phone company to phone my landlady to get the phone reconnected. In her text she said “Difficult [for her to call them] by mobile as they keep me waiting ages.” I actually have very little sympathy for that as she managed to call them in the first place to get the phone disconnected and didn’t seem to have any problems doing that, but now she’s trying to fix this for me, suddenly she’s worried about running up her phone bill. All of this would have been fine if she’d just bothered to ask me what my plans were in the first place. It looks as though my internet access over the weekend will be somewhat limited though.
I also exchanged a few texts with my friend L. She is still going through a really bad time, has major depression and has nowhere to live. This weekend she is in Manchester because she can’t find anywhere affordable in London to stay. She relies on being able to find cheap hostels and so on, so that she has somewhere to stay each night and this has probably been going on for about a year. A cheap hostel in London is still expensive and she finds it really tough. I’ve said to her that she can stay for a bit or maybe stay some weekends, but she finds it really hard to accept help and I think is scared that she would somehow outstay her welcome and then lose another friend. But to me, she just needs a bit of a break and not to be constantly moving from place to place, so I hope that she might at least come and stay on occasion and then she’d have somewhere that she could just relax and it would save her a bit of money as well. Hopefully we’re going to meet up next week, but she’s already said to me that she is doing really badly at the moment so there is every chance she won’t feel up to it.
By contrast, despite the phone irritations, still not knowing when I’m going to move house and various things ticking over in my mind, I actually feel strangely content with life at the moment. There’s a bit of me that thinks that by saying it somehow it will go away, but it’s true nonetheless that right now I feel pretty good about life generally and kind of at peace about things - and I’m liking it.
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Reconnection
So, as you may have gathered, the phone line at home was actually disconnected (and still hasn’t been restored). I’ve been on a course the last couple of days and so haven’t had any access to the internet by any other means either. I texted my landlady on Monday night and told her the phone had been switched off and she texted back Tuesday night and said she’d try and do something about it the next day (Wednesday). That did rather annoy me because if it was her who was inconvenienced then she would have sorted it out straight away but because she’s living elsewhere she can’t be bothered. She did say to me over the weekend that sometimes she is “overly efficient” and indeed she was when it came to cutting off the phone but when it comes to getting her mistake fixed she’s not quite so efficient. I’m not convinced that she will get the phone line reconnected at all. Grrrrrrrrrr.
I can’t wait to move. Unfortunately, I still haven’t exchanged on the place I’m buying. I spoke to my solicitor at the end of last week and he had spoken to the vendor’s solicitor who had said it was all going to go through but now the freeholder is dragging her feet. She needs to provide a document before we can exchange and seems to need a lot of chasing to come up with it. But actually the delay may actually help me a bit as I am going away on holiday at the end of next week and whilst I want to exchange before then, I don’t want to complete until I get back. Anyway, hopefully sometime in the next week or so I will exchange and then it’s just a matter of coming up with a date on which to complete.
I was mulling over the friendship stuff again and I can tell you now that what I am going to write is not entirely coherent. I think I have concluded that a lot of what made that friendship go wrong recently was that I didn’t really trust my friend (and I suspect she may well have felt the same). To some degree I’m not really sure why I didn’t. Sometimes she said she would do things and then she didn’t do them, some of which was really important to me. and having someone say to you “Sometimes I say things to you and then I realise that I said it to deliberately hurt you and I feel pleased about it” doesn’t make it entirely appealing to trust someone though. We just never dealt with things properly and they chipped away at the trust between us.
Over the years, one of the things that I have realised is that spending time with people is important to me. I have a friend from university who a couple of times when she’s been due to stay for the weekend has then phoned and told me about all the other things she has fitted into the weekend as well. I find it frustrating when she does that and whilst to a degree I think that’s it’s quite rude, it’s also that I know there is that part of me that sees someone spending time with me as a way of knowing that they care about me and I matter to them. So if I get a call to tell me that what was meant to be a weekend turns out to be a Saturday afternoon, I feel a bit deflated by that.
There are different ways that people give and receive love and I think we probably need to see all of those different ways exhibited to some degree, but there is often one that is more important than another - and mine is definitely spending time with people and them with me. (In case you’re wondering the other ways are things like giving gifts, doing practical things for people, physical contact and saying encouraging and affirming things to people. I’ll come back to this another day). Anyway, with my friend who I fell out with, I raised it with her that she had quite suddenly stopped wanting to meet up etc - and the reply was that I just “wasn’t a priority”. This rang lots of alarm bells in my head. Apart from it not being a very nice thing to say, it was also something that tapped right into one of those things that makes me feel as though I matter. When she said that to me I backed off because if someone tells me they don’t want to spend time with me then that sends me strong signals. In reality I don’t necessarily have a need to see someone on a regular basis, it’s more about quality than quantity, but for someone to overtly say that to me tells me an awful lot - although hearing such things perhaps has a bigger impact on me than some. I actually don’t think I am explaining this very well because pretty much anyone would think there was something up if someone said to them that they couldn’t be bothered to spend time with them. I may have to try and explain it again at another point.
Anyway, I’m not actually trying to slate my friend because the thing is that she isn’t a nasty person or someone who is particularly untrustworthy. I have said the things as an illustration of what I’m saying about *me* and what makes me tick, but it doesn’t mean that they were the sum of either my friend or our friendship. Somehow the combination of the two of us did not bring out the best side in either of us though and I am definitely not beyond reproach in all of this. Possibly we could have done something about those things that were not very good but I know I would be given very short shrift if I even considered broaching that with her now. She made her views perfectly clear and there are some battles that are not worth fighting because you’ve already been told the outcome.
I suppose the point for me though is that I need to have an awareness of what makes me tick and that at times I need to temper my expectations and to recognise when they are perhaps unreasonable or just not likely to be realised. Having said that I‘m not actually cynical about friendships. It can be very disappointing at times but when it works, it can be a fantastic thing and I just want more of the good and less of the bad. I don’t suppose that is too bad an aspiration.
I can’t wait to move. Unfortunately, I still haven’t exchanged on the place I’m buying. I spoke to my solicitor at the end of last week and he had spoken to the vendor’s solicitor who had said it was all going to go through but now the freeholder is dragging her feet. She needs to provide a document before we can exchange and seems to need a lot of chasing to come up with it. But actually the delay may actually help me a bit as I am going away on holiday at the end of next week and whilst I want to exchange before then, I don’t want to complete until I get back. Anyway, hopefully sometime in the next week or so I will exchange and then it’s just a matter of coming up with a date on which to complete.
I was mulling over the friendship stuff again and I can tell you now that what I am going to write is not entirely coherent. I think I have concluded that a lot of what made that friendship go wrong recently was that I didn’t really trust my friend (and I suspect she may well have felt the same). To some degree I’m not really sure why I didn’t. Sometimes she said she would do things and then she didn’t do them, some of which was really important to me. and having someone say to you “Sometimes I say things to you and then I realise that I said it to deliberately hurt you and I feel pleased about it” doesn’t make it entirely appealing to trust someone though. We just never dealt with things properly and they chipped away at the trust between us.
Over the years, one of the things that I have realised is that spending time with people is important to me. I have a friend from university who a couple of times when she’s been due to stay for the weekend has then phoned and told me about all the other things she has fitted into the weekend as well. I find it frustrating when she does that and whilst to a degree I think that’s it’s quite rude, it’s also that I know there is that part of me that sees someone spending time with me as a way of knowing that they care about me and I matter to them. So if I get a call to tell me that what was meant to be a weekend turns out to be a Saturday afternoon, I feel a bit deflated by that.
There are different ways that people give and receive love and I think we probably need to see all of those different ways exhibited to some degree, but there is often one that is more important than another - and mine is definitely spending time with people and them with me. (In case you’re wondering the other ways are things like giving gifts, doing practical things for people, physical contact and saying encouraging and affirming things to people. I’ll come back to this another day). Anyway, with my friend who I fell out with, I raised it with her that she had quite suddenly stopped wanting to meet up etc - and the reply was that I just “wasn’t a priority”. This rang lots of alarm bells in my head. Apart from it not being a very nice thing to say, it was also something that tapped right into one of those things that makes me feel as though I matter. When she said that to me I backed off because if someone tells me they don’t want to spend time with me then that sends me strong signals. In reality I don’t necessarily have a need to see someone on a regular basis, it’s more about quality than quantity, but for someone to overtly say that to me tells me an awful lot - although hearing such things perhaps has a bigger impact on me than some. I actually don’t think I am explaining this very well because pretty much anyone would think there was something up if someone said to them that they couldn’t be bothered to spend time with them. I may have to try and explain it again at another point.
Anyway, I’m not actually trying to slate my friend because the thing is that she isn’t a nasty person or someone who is particularly untrustworthy. I have said the things as an illustration of what I’m saying about *me* and what makes me tick, but it doesn’t mean that they were the sum of either my friend or our friendship. Somehow the combination of the two of us did not bring out the best side in either of us though and I am definitely not beyond reproach in all of this. Possibly we could have done something about those things that were not very good but I know I would be given very short shrift if I even considered broaching that with her now. She made her views perfectly clear and there are some battles that are not worth fighting because you’ve already been told the outcome.
I suppose the point for me though is that I need to have an awareness of what makes me tick and that at times I need to temper my expectations and to recognise when they are perhaps unreasonable or just not likely to be realised. Having said that I‘m not actually cynical about friendships. It can be very disappointing at times but when it works, it can be a fantastic thing and I just want more of the good and less of the bad. I don’t suppose that is too bad an aspiration.
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