“There are friends one makes at a youthful age in whom one simply rejoices, for whom one possesses a love and loyalty mysteriously lacking in the friendships made in after years, no matter how genuine.”
Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
Of late I feel as though my relationships with some people are not as I would hope. There was obviously the stuff with A which has made me think about things, but that’s not typical and was a side-effect of having had a romantic relationship more than anything else. But then there was my friend who I had a run in with several weeks ago, who basically told me to get lost by sending me an e-mail that was somewhat scathing of me. I don’t actually accept most of what was said in that e-mail and had we been able to talk about it things would have looked different (that doesn’t mean it would have been resolved, just that we would have been dealing with reality rather than perception borne of having wound each other up a lot). Then there’s another friend who I was just getting to know and suddenly it all seems to have died a death (through silence rather than anything else). I suppose on my part I realised that I was probably not actually doing my friend any good, so I took a step back and have left it to them to do whatever they want to do. I don’t want to make people feel hassled or unhappy, but these days I seem to find myself scratching my head a bit about it all.
I also look at my more long-standing friendships and see how I have neglected a number of those, and on top of all of that I think I am beginning to wonder if it is possible to get any real depth in friendships these days – and if it is, how do you achieve it??
Don’t get me wrong, I do have good friends. I have friends who know the very worst about me and have been there for me in really difficult times. But somehow I feel as though I have lost the plot a bit and am just not doing a very good job of being a decent friend to people and that somehow I have got my priorities and expectations skewed. Not that things being a bit of a mess is entirely down to me, but the bit that is down to me is what I am responsible for and can do something about. So, I’m going to take some time to think these things through over the next few weeks, some of which I will probably write about here on occasion, in the hope that I can work out if I can do things better. I can’t promise it will all make sense but hopefully by the end I will at least feel as though I have got somewhere. For me, half the battle is gaining understanding, when I have that then I can at least recognise what it is that I am dealing with and maybe somehow change it. I am someone who believes that anyone can change, myself included.
Maybe that William Styron quote is right and you reach a certain age where you just cannot expect to have friendships that are as meaningful or have those qualities that you get from friends you have known since you were a child. I hope not, but we shall see.
2 comments:
If only we had the option of pushing the rewind button on life.. but I guess life is not that simple too many obstacles and complications.
Please don't be too hard on yourself.
....
A friend just emailed me this joke so thought I would share it with you.
An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With laboured breath, he leaned against the doorframe, gazing into
the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted
Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table,
landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seeminglybringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife . .
.
.
"F*ck Off!! ",she said, "They're for the funeral"
Made me smile. TFx
You're not the first person to tell me that I am too hard on myself! It just seems odd to me that in the space of a couple of months that I seem to have had various issues with friends. Does no harm to see if I need to get my act together, unless I open a whole new can of worms of course...
The joke made me smile too. Thanks.
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