Gone fishing

Rightio, well I'll be away for the next week looking like a drowned rat in North Wales. Be good, play nicely and I'll see you when I get back.

Have a good week.

Green

It’s my last day at work for the next week. Hooray! Yesterday was fine apart from when the chap who sits opposite me suddenly disappeared under his desk and started to throw up in the bin. Strangely, I didn’t actually notice this and it was only when the person I sit next to pointed this out that I was aware of what was going on. I don’t really know the chap very well, he only recently joined the organisation although I did have some contact with him in his previous job and actually spent a few days with him in Slovenia a couple of years ago. However, this did not involve seeing the contents of his stomach.

I jest about it but actually he was really, really ill and he has various medical problems (mainly a really bad back – if you have back problems then probably multiply that by about 100 and you might have some idea of what his is like), but even so this was totally unexpected. All the colour had drained out of his face and when he finally sat back in his chair there was a look that seemed remarkably like fear on his face - as though he was really scared by what had happened because he just didn’t know what it was but thought it was due to something serious. I found it upsetting to see that in his face. Fortunately, I think it is rare that you see genuine fear on someone’s face, but yesterday I really think that I did.

Anyway, I have a nice evening ahead and then I am off to North Wales tomorrow morning. My sister sent me an e-mail yesterday to tell me not to pat any chickens while I am away. Wise words. I assured her that the only chicken I would be coming into contact with would be in breadcrumbs and deep fried – because obviously that is much better for you.

The picture at the top is of Trafalgar Square and I just think it is so cool that it has been turfed over for a couple of days. Shame it’s not for longer because I don’t think I will have the chance to see it, but I think that is just such a brilliant idea!

Running

I had lunch with a friend the other day and we were chatting about what is happening with G at the moment, which she was suitably enthusiastic about and was really pleased for me. I also had a bit of a chat about my slight concerns about a potential impact on A. My friend just said to me “you owe A nothing, you have given every opportunity for the two of you to be in touch, but when things get difficult obviously A’s instant reaction is to run away and not face things. That’s not your problem”. I know that is true - although in reality I do in some ways owe A a lot, but not in the sense of having to pay back a debt, if that makes sense. In part I can understand why A has responded by running but it isn’t the way that I deal with things - everyone is different though. I actually cannot see what there is that is so terrible that requires A to run away but the decision to deal with things in that way is not mine to make. There is a part of me that just wants to say “why do you have to keep running? What would be the worst thing that could happen if maybe instead of running you just stopped and reached out?”

Anyway, I would never do anything deliberately to hurt A but the other day I realised that I cannot ask G to do something just to try and help out my ex. That would be decidedly weird and I would basically be prioritising someone who has refused to have anything to do with me for a couple of years, over someone who I am going out with. That’s not fair or reasonable – or a good foundation for a relationship! A is a very private person. I know that. I respect that. But I can't make unending sacrifices in my own life for someone who has clearly demonstrated that they want nothing to do with me, particularly if that negatively impacts on someone else. I love A very much and always will, the offer of my friendship doesn’t go away, but there is only so much I can do if it is all so one-sided.

There’s a song by the Goo Goo Dolls called ‘Name’ and for some reason it seems apt in the circumstance. The lyrics are here, but as with all songs it works rather better with the music. Anyway, in some small way it taps into whatever it is that has been in the back of my mind recently. There’s a lot in that song that resonates but maybe just in part it is my way of saying “You can trust me”.

Depth

My success at preparing people for interviews has continued. I helped someone last Friday who has been trying to get promoted for the last couple of years and yesterday she found out that she had got the job. In my new found hugginess (I’m not entirely sure where this has come from!), I went over and gave her a hug and she thanked me for my help and for focussing her mind on exactly what she needed to get across and said that it had made a real difference. I may have few areas in my life that I am really good at, but it seems that preparing people for interviews is one of them.

Someone I work with is trying to convince me that I should get some exercise. She thinks I should go running with her in the park. I have assured her that this is not going to happen. Getting out of bed in the morning is about as much exercise as I get. However, she was going to the gym yesterday lunchtime and I did ask her to run a few miles for me. I figure that it is a bit like neutralising your carbon emissions. But instead of planting a tree or making a positive contribution to society, I give my colleague a nice warm glow (both literally and metaphorically) by getting her to exercise on my behalf. She came back from the gym and told me that she had run for fifteen minutes on my behalf. I certainly felt better for it, particularly when I ate some chocolate cake yesterday afternoon.

There is a small part of me that is feeling a bit out of my depth with the current relationship stuff. All is well and it’s going fine, but G seems quite enthusiastic about it, which obviously is good – and I am enthusiastic too – but there is a part of me that just thinks this is all going kind of fast and I’m not sure that my poor brain can keep up. It’s not that I don’t want the relationship or anything like that, it’s just that I think maybe I am in shock that someone would want to go out with me, and then *actually* go out with me and not run away in horror (I may be slightly exaggerating there…). I am meant to be meeting some of G’s friends on Friday night and I am slightly scared by this! Mind you, I actually know one of G’s friends and when she found out we were going out her response was “nice woman, good choice”, so maybe I shouldn’t be too scared… Anyway, if it all goes badly at least I go away on holiday the next day and I can just hope that G has forgotten the whole thing by my return. I think maybe I just need to take a few deep breaths and pretend to be a proper adult for once. *gulp*

Blazing

For some reason I felt rather shocked by the news that the Cutty Sark went up in flames yesterday. Maybe it is as a result of going there on various school trips so it has become an intrinsic part of my identity. A bit wooden in places, creaks a bit and highly combustible, yep that sounds about right…

On Saturday night I was talking with my parents and sister about Madeleine McCann. Whilst I think that what has happened is awful and potentially very tragic, I find the mass coverage of it very odd. If she isn’t found soon and a ‘better’ story comes up will the media slink off into the shadows? Yes it’s good that it has received so much media coverage, but surely totally disproportionate when compared to all that is going on in the world. Is it just me who found the one minute silence yesterday really odd? What are you meant to think about in a one minute silence when you have no idea where the person is or what to do for the best? It has just made me wonder why this story has received so much coverage, which is what we were talking about on Saturday night and then yesterday on the BBC they ran an article on it. The thing is that I think a lot of it is that it makes a good story. I know that sounds cynical but I think it is probably true. A lot of children go missing, some never to return but they don’t get any coverage at all. Young children from middle class families help to make a story.

Anyway, when we were talking about it on Saturday I made some comment about how we used to walk to school on our own when we were about 6 or 7. My father took this as a slight on his parenting skills and as though i was suggesting that he was somehow negligent– there are many things that I could criticise about my father’s ability as a parent, but letting us go and play in a field isn’t one of them. 25 years ago there was nothing odd about wandering about on your own at that young an age and we used to go off to the local playing fields and play and nothing ever happened and there wasn’t this fear that it would. Now would parents let their children wander about like that? I think not. We live in a different age, one where you can’t let your children go off and play without adult supervision or seemingly even sleep in a hotel bedroom. Maybe it’s a good thing that the life and fate of one child has such a big impact across nations and if it brings her home, should anyone criticise that? Maybe not, but if she isn't found soon, we'll see how much longer she stays there in the headlines.

Punishment

Well, it was a very good weekend and I got lots done and now have one week of work to get through before going away on holiday. Yay!

Yesterday I went and got a hair cut, which was basically the last day I had available before I went on holiday to get it done. I don’t actually like Sunday trading. I think it is bad for society to be able to work (or even shop) seven days a week. Everybody needs time to rest and every day seemingly potentially being able to be the same doesn’t strike me as a good thing. If shops weren’t open on a Sunday people would actually still find time to go shopping or do all those other things that suddenly have become so vital to do on a Sunday - instead of maybe spending time with their family or doing something relaxing. I am, of course, entirely a hypocrite having gone to get my hair cut yesterday, but I was hopeful that the hairdresser would cut one of my ears off by accident as a suitable punishment. Unfortunately this did not prove to be the case and I was actually pleased with the hair cut.

I was slightly alarmed by this story. In part just by the fact that a gorilla managed to escape from the zoo but also because it managed to track down (and bite) an admirer. Of all the people it could have attacked it was a woman who seemed totally besotted with him. My personal theory is that the woman was stalking the gorilla and the gorilla got so sick of getting her love letters and banana parcels that when he saw her turn up at the zoo he went on a rampage. She won’t be writing many letters for the foreseeable future now, will she? Job done.

Smiling - again

I have had a very good weekend so far. Friday night I met up with the current distraction, G, and we went for a drink before going over to G’s. A couple of G’s friends were at the bar, so we had a chat with them and one of them out of the blue said “so are you two together?” and there was that slightly awkward pause because neither of us quite knew what to say, as we hadn’t actually discussed this. After a few moments G said “er, yes I guess so”. Later that evening (without an audience!) we had a bit of a chat about it and decided that we are actually going out with each other - and I still have a smile on my face now!

Yesterday I met up with a friend for lunch and that was good. We don’t actually know each other all that well, but we always manage to find plenty to talk about and so that was a pleasant couple of hours. Then I went to try and get a haircut but was too late so went home and started some chores. I got out the electric hedge trimmers and cut back the hedge at the entrance to where I live. I had a chat with one of my neighbours first and she said that her father in law may come over this week and cut back the rest of the hedge, which would be great as it is taking over. Then I did some tidying up and hoovering, dashed to the supermarket and then went over to my parents’ house for dinner as my sister and nephew were there. I had a really nice evening there, despite my dad still being a bit of a pain. I think I was just feeling very relaxed though and we just chatted and had a bit of a laugh and my mum did her usual thing of saying highly inappropriate things and me having to tell her off(!). As I was about to walkout the door, I spotted a spider and mum said she’d sort it out and then kept tormenting me because she kept trying to convince me that it was in her hand – as I backed off down the hall. My mother is totally insane sometimes.

Product

This week has flown by, I can’t believe it is already Friday. I have a good weekend ahead. I have a nice evening planned with the current distraction and then tomorrow I am meeting up with a friend in the afternoon and in the evening I think I am seeing my sister and nephew over at my parents’ house. Thee are also various other things to fit in such as mowing the grass, trying to cut back a hedge and other such domestic delights.

Last night I went and bought some blackouts to go behind my curtains because now the days are getting lighter there is loads of light in my room first thing in the morning and it wakes me up. I find that weird because when I was growing up I never used to draw the curtains at night and could sleep for well over 12 hours with no problem at all. Anyway, I need to put some blackout curtains up (which aren’t black incidentally) to make my room a lot darker. I stood there in John Lewis for ages trying to work out which ones I needed to buy and asked the advice of one of the staff who advised me and then pointed out that I would have to turn up the bottom of the blackouts. This is not my forte. I went to an all girls’ high school but we were not allowed to learn ‘typical’ female activities and so I have little skill in this area. So this may not be one of my wisest moves and I may have to call in the assistance of my mum. You can judge my level of skill in this area by the fact that while I was standing there looking at the various options I just kept thinking that nine of them were the right length and it never even crossed my mind that I might have to actually do something to the curtains to alter them so that they were the right length. I am truly a product of my generation.

Yesterday I had a chat with a chap at work about how my life is going at the moment and he was just absolutely lovely. He said he’d been a bit worried about me a few months ago and was so pleased for me that things seemed to be going well at the moment.

There is that part of me that is a bit nervous about how well things are going and finds it odd that things are good. But I figure that so long as I take things at the right pace and make sure I talk about things if I need to then hopefully all will be well. Right now, all is well.

Fair Play

A couple of weeks ago finally got round to applying for a new driving licence. I still had a paper licence and I had never changed it because I changed address so often that it didn’t seem worth the effort (or potential cost) so I just left it as my parents’ address. Anyway, I sent off my application and a cheque, although I was a little dubious whether they would accept it as the photo came out a bit pale, and a couple of days ago they sent my cheque back and said that I don’t need to pay anything. I’m not really sure why as part of what they had to do there is a charge for and part there isn’t so it seemed remarkably generous to err on the side of not charging me, but I’m not complaining. Hopefully the new licence will turn up soon - with its very serious looking photo. Eek.

I forgot to say yesterday that one of the things that was mentioned in my appraisal was my strong sense of “fair play” i.e. I try hard to make sure that people are treated well and fairly. I think that is rather a dying art where I work and was pleasantly surprised to have that formally noted. Not that I think anyone else is likely to care, but as it turns out it does actually matter to me that people see that in me and that they recognise that I try hard to make sure that staff are treated well and their views are represented etc.

Developments in matters of the heart have on occasion made my mind turn to stuff with A. It’s made me wonder if I’ve changed my mind on whether I would still want us to be in touch or if somehow A doesn’t matter so much any more. I have to say that the answer is no because the thing is that it has always been about missing my friend and the hope that one day we would be able to be back on decent terms. That hope still remains. I also realised that I am still concerned to protect A. It’s too convoluted to explain here but there is something that could open a (small) can of worms for A, and I have been going to efforts to ensure that doesn’t happen. Despite the fact that A has done me no favours whatsoever since things ended between us, it’s not my style to do something that might cause a problem for other people, and there is a part of me that wants to ensure that nothing happens which is to A’s detriment. I mean that as a general thing, it’s not that this connection that has come up is some massive thing, but even so, I just want to do what I can to ensure that things are ok for A. I guess it’s that sense of fair play again.

Oh and last night? A great evening *grins*

Dangerous

A couple of days ago I saw that consideration is being given to banning people from smoking whilst they are driving. I haven’t got strong feelings about smoking one way or the other but there is something that makes me think the world is starting to go mad if we ban smoking. They reason they want to ban it is because it’s dangerous – meaning unsafe rather than that it is bad for your health. I guess if you light the cigarette by taking both hands off the steering wheel whilst doing 80mph on the motorway it could be seen as somewhat dangerous. But is smoking really all that dangerous (apart from the obvious health reasons)? Is it really any more dangerous than talking to a passenger or changing the radio station?

As I’ve said before, I think it is good to ban people from using their mobile phone when driving. That has an impact on people’s ability to focus on where they are and reduces their reaction times etc but I don’t really think smoking falls into the same category. If people have an accident whilst driving, then there’s always the option of prosecuting someone for driving with undue care and attention if smoking whilst driving is a contributing factor. I don’t know why they allow people to drive any more, it is obviously far too much of a risk for everyone. I will be purchasing a donkey and cart as my next vehicle and will of course avoid smoking whilst driving it in case I set the donkey’s straw on fire.

In other news, I had to get my appraisal signed off yesterday and generally it was a good appraisal but there were a couple of comments that I wasn’t very happy about which were connected to the job I had last year. It was odd because it brought back all the horrible memories of how miserable I was in that job and although I didn’t agree with the comments I just wanted to get the form signed and forget about it. Probably not the right approach but I didn’t want to talk to my old boss about it. I did mention it in passing to someone I used to work with and I showed her the form and she said I should ask for it to be changed and should redraft it and ask for a couple of comments to be deleted. So that’s what I did and my old boss just backed down and made all the changes exactly as I had asked! I felt so much better after that and as though that time in my career (if that’s the right word) might not actually haunt me for the rest of my life!

On a good note though, the person I helped prepare for an interview came and told me she got the job. I was so pleased for her and gave her a big hug (I’m not generally known for hugging colleagues, I’m just generally in a good mood at the moment) and she said that the help I’d given her had made such a difference. It’s really sad that she will be leaving but I’m really pleased for her.

I spent a bit of time last night preparing a nice meal for this evening, as I have company tonight… *grins*

Flaws

I meet up with my friend C most weeks for a cuppa and a catch up. We were housemates at university and were reasonably good friends then and stayed in contact afterwards and our friendship has just gone from strength to strength since. I can’t really think of anything that I couldn’t say to her – not that I do tell her everything about my life, I just know that if there was something that I needed to say that I could say it.

She’s very driven, much more so than me but is very easy to talk to and is very down to earth. I was over at her house a couple of weeks ago and she was talking to me about someone she’d had an argument with a couple of days before. In all the years we have known each other, which is getting on for half my life, we have never ever come close to falling out and I can’t really imagine C falling out with anyone. Anyway, she and her husband were over at a friend’s house and the wife of the couple they had gone to see just started to make slight digs at C. Normally such things would be like water off a ducks back but, understandably, C did not appreciate someone deliberately trying to wind her up. In the end the conversation deteriorated so much that C walked out. She went and got in the car and her husband followed but the friend’s wife kept opening the car door to add an extra few morsels. In the end they drove off but after a couple of minutes C decided that they should go back so that she could apologise for her part in what happened and just to clear the air a bit. So they did and then went home.

The thing is that I know my friend and how unlike her it is to get into a situation like that. Don’t get me wrong, she gave as good as she got and it certainly wasn’t all one sided. It was interesting though when we chatted about it afterwards that it has really undermined her sense of who she was. In a lot of ways all I did was repeat to her what a friend said to me last year when I majorly fell out with a friend – that it is one example drawn from a whole range of examples. One example does not sum up who you are. Ultimately you have to look at these things in the round, accept your failings, but see the events in your life in the context of all that happens. Yes there are some things that are inexcusable, but generally we are more complex beings than that which can be summarised based on one event or one set of actions or one relationship. It doesn’t necessarily explain, or indeed excuse, particular behaviour, but just because one person thinks or says something about you doesn’t make it true. It should perhaps give us pause for thought, maybe it should make us consider why we acted that way in those particular circumstances, but it doesn’t automatically mean that you are some terrible person who has no redeeming characteristics (no matter what some might think of me!).

On occasion I am troubled by the friendship that went so wrong last year. Not because I have any massive guilt trip about it and not because I want the friendship back but because I don’t like the things that it potentially showed about me. But then when you talk to other people about things going on in their lives you find that they too have similar experiences. There are things that they have done or said that they feel equally shamed by and yet you consider their life in context and you consider your own life in context and you realise that normally the good outweighs the bad. That you have friends who love and respect you, that when it really matters you are there for your friends and them for you.

We are all flawed and imperfect and to some degree selfish, and those in our lives whom we want to love are destined to disappoint and frustrate us in some way.

We are all flawed and need to forgive and be forgiven

We are all flawed but maybe that is the best that we can offer.

Stunning

Apologies for the lack of updates. I’ve been really busy and didn’t have time to write anything. So, what have I been up to?

Friday night was really great. My sister and I went to see QI being recorded on Friday night, which was very, very funny. It was great to see Stephen Fry, Alan Davies, Bill Bailey and others in person and it was really great to see how it all worked and was just a really good evening.

On Saturday I drove down to Southampton to stay with a friend and that was good. We went to the Maritime museum, which isn’t the most stunning exhibition but it was fairly interesting and we spent a bit of time chatting about the Titanic after seeing a bit about it there. I was really tired and when we got back to my friend’s house and I fell asleep on the sofa for a bit being the terribly sociable person that I obviously am. I managed to drag myself up off the sofa after a bit and we had dinner and then watched the Eurovision Song Contest, which was as dire as ever. That’s my excuse for falling asleep once again, which I hadn’t actually realised I had done until I saw them recap some of the songs at which point I realised that some of them were totally unfamiliar. I’m not sure this was a loss particularly though. I think the UK did the right thing in entering a song that was really a bit of a joke because we are never going to win because of the block voting and also because a lot of other countries seem to hate us, neither of which work in our favour...

I got back yesterday evening after a pleasant second day in Southampton and just caught up on a few bits, like my washing and I also phoned a couple of people.

The most disgusting point of the weekend was when I accidentally dropped some nail scissors down the toilet, which unfortunately had not been flushed. I managed to retrieve them (after flushing the loo first) but they will need to be boiled in some water for a bit before they are put back into use.

The most scary point of the weekend was when I was walking along the pavement in Southampton and I suddenly heard a bloke swear very loudly behind me and the next things I knew there was a bloke lying on the pavement next to me. He’d come off his bike and was looking somewhat stunned by it all and just said “that turned out better than it could have”. I had a chat with him to see if he was ok and he told me that he’d been cycling to the bike shop to get it fixed because there was a problem with the back wheel which meant that the back brake didn’t work. It was only as he went down the incline on the road I was walking along that he realised his front brake had also failed and he was faced with the strong possibility of hitting one of the cars waiting at the traffic lights, hitting me or going through the lights because he wasn’t able to stop – so he had to stop himself by just making himself come off his bike at high speed. He came out of it remarkably well and he had cut himself a bit and was rather shocked, but that was about it. A lucky chap.

Things continue to go well in terms of matters of the heart. I’m not sure I can really explain what is going on at the moment. In some ways it is kind of complicated and in others it is very simple. I’m also assuming you’ll be kind enough to let a girl be a bit coy about some things - but I’m just accepting it for what it is, which is something enjoyable and that is doing my ego an awful lot of good and it’s with someone who is lovely and very kind and who really matters to me. ‘Tis good.

Sifting

I spent most of yesterday marking yet more application forms – for jobs that haven’t even got anything to do with me. It’s always slightly nerve-racking sifting forms because you mark them first and then compare your marking to that of someone else who is doing exactly the same thing. There’s always that fear in the back of your mind that you’ll think an answer is absolutely brilliant and the other person will look at you as those you are totally insane and sit there and laugh at you. However, as it turned out the other person marking the forms came up with almost identical marks to me and we didn’t have to have a punch up in order to reach consensus.

Some of the forms were quite good, most of them were appalling and there was one that I just did not know what to make of it. Applicants were asked to give an example of managing resources. It is perfectly acceptable to give an example from your personal life, but I think we’d expect some discernment to be used in what that would be. So when the example one person used was about how she chose her outfit for a fancy dress party, I was almost crying with laughter. There was a part of me that thought “Aww… there’s something really lovely about that example”. She went into so much detail and was obviously very pleased with what she had achieved – and yet, it wasn’t quite what was required… I’d include the example here but somehow I think that would be entirely inappropriate.

The person who was assessing the forms with me said that she once got an application from someone and candidates were asked to give an example of when they have shown determination. One chap said that he had been using a rowing machine in a pub and had been rowing really hard. At one point he had to sop so that he could get off the machine and be sick. However he then got back on the machine so that he could complete the task. Well, I guess that did indeed show determination but maybe not the kind of determination that was being sought…

No complaints

I had an interesting day yesterday. I got a message from a friend to say that she’d been asked to leave where she’s living. I feel so bad for my friend because she is so upset about it. Not just at the fact she now has to move but the circumstances of it which are just so unfair and based on complete fabrication by her landlady. It makes me feel really mad to think about it and also makes me feel really sad for my friend. Anyway, she’s going to stay tonight and maybe tomorrow night so that she can just get away from where she’s living and have a bit of space to think and decide what she’s going to do.

It’s funny because all those years ago when I got kicked out of home by my father I was so grateful for the kindness that people showed me in giving me places to stay. I’d always said to myself that if ever a friend was in trouble and needed somewhere to go that I wanted to be able to offer them somewhere to go. I know what a difference it made to me and I’m just glad that I am now in a position where I am able to do that. Sometimes it’s strange the way things work out.

I was talking to a friend at work yesterday who has been going through some real hassles at work and a new job she had lined up has fallen through. She’s really gutted about it and doesn’t really want to have to explain to people why it hasn’t worked out (because it isn’t any of their business) so we’re now trying to come up with a suitable excuse so that she can get rid of any nosey enquiries. Anyway, as it turns out that was the least of her problems because she also found out yesterday that someone has sent her an anonymous threatening letter. The circumstances of it are totally bizarre and she reckons she knows who sent it and she was asking me what I thought she should do - to which I said she should go to the police about it. It sounded totally horrible and the person had cut bits out of the newspaper and made this really threatening message to send to her.

Anyway in comparison to all of this, my life is a sea of calm at the moment. I can’t say that I am complaining.

Endings

Going back to work yesterday was actually fine. I am in a good mood at the moment so although I would normally have been somewhat bored I was actually just feeling very chilled about things.

The person who I sit next to is really nice, and very bright and capable, but she is also the most forgetful and disorganised person I know. Often she will come into work and then realise that she has forgotten to key in at the flexi machine or lost a building pass or left her scarf somewhere. Today she spent some of the day trying to track down where she had left her glasses. She tried the cinema with no success and the Indian restaurant she’d had dinner at and various other places he could have left them, but with no success. Then towards the end of the day someone sent out an e-mail to say that he had the key to a locker that had someone’s CD player in and asking the person who owned it to collect the key from him. C just hung her head and said “that’s mine”. I just sat there and laughed at her. I did actually offer to go and get the key for her but she said that she’d better go and face the humiliation herself. I can’t understand how someone that competent can be so badly organised.

In work terms, today is a bit of an ending to some things, which in its own way is a bit of a sad occasion. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t really make much difference to me personally but there is that part of me that does just feel sad about it. Anyway, on to new things…

Feeling Good

Well, I’m not often a fan of bank holiday weekends, but this one was very good. Very good indeed… *grins*

It’s funny because I am not someone who is at all confident when it comes to relationships and am also someone who is naturally risk averse. I could spend my whole life procrastinating about such things and end up waking up one day and realise that had I just got on with it things could have been rather different. So for now, I’m going with the flow, I’m moving forward, I’m taking risks, I’m enjoying the moment – and it’s great!

Do I know where all of this is going? Nope not a clue, but finding out is turning out to be better fun than I had expected. Maybe it will all come to nothing, but maybe it will be something. Until I find out, I’m just enjoying the journey. Oh yes, indeed.

I’ve put this song on my blog before but it seems apt. Once again, I leave you with “Feeling Good” and this time it’s not just some vague hope – I am feeling good!

Brief

It has been a pleasant weekend so far. Lawnmower purchased and the grass is now mown and a few other bits dealt with in the garden. Some tidying and cleaning done and other such domestic bliss.

Today there is a pleasant afternoon ahead in good company which may turn into an interesting evening *grins*.

That is all for now…

RIP

I am a bit confused by the seeming electoral ‘fiasco’ in Scotland. It seems that at the moment they think it is because there was confusion caused by the complicated voting system. The reason I find that confusing is because when we voted in the mayoral elections a couple of years ago we had to vote about three or four times (council elections, mayoral elections – candidate and separately for the party – and maybe something else too). I don’t remember there being major problems with that election. I’m not suggesting Scots are thick by the way, it’s just that they way they had to vote wasn’t unique and had been tried before.

What has happened to the weather? It is really cold today. But I am off out shortly to buy a lawnmower because my garden will shortly resemble a jungle if I don’t do something about it. I think today will be a day of domestic chores.

I was shocked (shocked I tell you!) to see that the goat that had to marry that bloke – people often seem to think the bloke got the rawer deal but I don’t suppose the goat was so thrilled - has died. It seems she choked on a carrier bag. Is it just me or is there something suspicious about that death? A bloke marries a goat and then the goat dies in mysterious circumstances – I mean how often does a goat choke on a carrier bag? It all sounds a bit too convenient to me. I feel a campaign for goat justice coming on.

Searching

I woke up in the early hours of yesterday morning and realised that I was holding a book in my hand. I sort of peered at the book and for a brief moment though the book was In Search of Adam – this proving the influence fellow-bloggers have on me, then my brain realised that book hasn’t even been published yet and then I remembered it was the middle of the night and I should be asleep anyway. I put the book on the floor and went back to sleep. Yesterday morning when my alarm went off I noticed that there were another couple of books on my bed, which I must also have picked up during the night. What is that all about? Did I have some major urge to read while I was asleep? These books were on the floor next to my bed by the way, I hadn’t been sleep-walking (as far as I know). Anyway, I have added a widgety thing in the side bar which is basically for In Search of Adam because it is obviously on my mind…

If you have a digital radio or the internet (hmm…) then you can listen to 6 music this afternoon and find out the result to the worst music lyrics ever. There are some real contenders…

If that isn’t enough to keep you occupied then you could trawl back through your e-mails and submit one to the British Library for posterity. It’s basically a collaboration between the British Library and hotmail (the all new hotmail!) – more details are here. Somehow I don’t think I want any of my e-mails to be turned into part of a historical document. My e-mails normally consist of me e-mailing people and saying “I haven’t done anything recently”, this can apply equally to my personal or work life. I could just set up a template really and send it as a standard reply to any e-mail. Anyway, if your life is more exciting than mine then get sending.

Annoying

I am probably not alone on finding it annoying when teenagers listen to tracks on their mobile phone without headphones. Well, I experienced this yesterday but it was certainly different to anything I have heard on the tube before. Two teenage lads were sitting on the tube and I was aware that one of them had switched on something on his phone and one of the boys was kind of smirking. After a bit my ears sort of tuned into what the boys were listening to and rather than it being music it was actually the sound of a female involved in a *cough* pleasurable experience. I was actually rather horrified by this because to my mind the whole thing was really degrading. In some ways I wanted to tell them to turn it off because I thought them playing it in public like that was horrible but I didn’t because, as is so often the case, people don’t challenge teenagers who are being obnoxious. Grr…

I was talking to someone at work yesterday afternoon and she has seen a chap who works for another organisation who she rather likes. So she decided to e-mail him and ask to meet up to talk about some work related issues. She envisaged perhaps a pleasant late afternoon chat over a glass of wine and more of a social chat once they’d got past the excuse of meeting to talk about work. His reply was to say that meeting up would be fine and his boss would love to come along as well. Oh… She showed me his e-mail and asked what I thought she should say in response. His e-mail ended with the line “Did you have a date in mind?” I told her that perhaps she should reply and just say “yes”.

Nothing to see

Sometimes I am too nice for my own good. Yesterday afternoon someone phoned me at work who I don’t know at all and said that I’d been suggested as a helpful person who might help them sift some application forms for some jobs. I said that I probably could help and we met up about half an hour later to discuss it. Two and half hours later we finished going through the forms, many of which were appalling applications, and I was able to return to my desk, upon which I switched off my computer and went home. I think there might be more of this to come after the bank holiday as well. What joy.

You are going to give me all your money.

I was over at a friend’s house on Monday night and, for some reason that escapes me, we decided to google one of our housemate’s from university. Four of us shared a house and three of us are still in touch and the fourth has disappeared off the face of the planet. We had a search on the internet but didn’t manage to find her, we did track down the chap she was going out with at uni though. He has such a unique name, if I told you what it was you wouldn’t actually believe that it was a real name, particularly as his surname basically refers to a bowel movement, that he was actually quite easy to find. This also revealed who he is married to and for some reason I was kind of surprised that he wasn’t married to my old housemate. I’m not sure why I had assumed they were married, I think maybe I’d heard that they moved to Australia together and it was something to do with that, but I was just really surprised by this.

You are going to give me all your money.

I was watching CSI Miami last night and it had a plot that involved blogging. Whilst I don’t watch the programme for its accurate portrayal of all aspects of life, I did think that they had made up so much for this particular episode – how easy it is to track someone back to their blog, how the time stamps on a blog post are significant, that bloggers often put subliminal messages in their blogs and you therefore have to scout the posts and work out how to decipher them. A load of rubbish – and let me tell you there are no subliminal messages on this blog. Fools.

You are going to give me all your money.

Summary

It’s the 1st of May already. How did that happen?? This year is flying by and it will be Christmas again before we know it.

Anyway, I thought I’d give a brief summary of where things are at the moment in terms of relationships. Well, the simple answer is: not really anywhere different than previously but what I am trying to do at the moment is broaden my horizons a bit and widen the network of people that I know or socialise with in the hope that something might end up coming out of it. So this is what I have been trying to do of late and actually with some degree of success because there have been a couple of somewhat ego-boosting moments, which has to be a good thing.

I suppose the thing that I find disheartening though is the amount of effort you potentially have to put in to broaden said horizons. I’m a fairly sociable and friendly person, I don’t generally have difficulty making conversation or finding things to talk about but potentially regularly meeting new people can get a bit wearing. So I am hoping that somehow I can fast forward through the process and find out what is at the end of it. I hope it’s something good!

It’s funny because my friend K giving me a bit of a talking to recently really helped. She just basically said to me that I obviously wasn’t all that happy with how things were at the moment and that I therefore needed to do something about it and then kept asking me what it was that I was going to do to change things. I think that’s often the way I work, I have to reach a point where I hit rather a low and then that spurs me on to do something about it. So I am now in the “doing something about it” phase. We shall see how it goes.

On a completely different note, this website is interesting. It’s the Press Photographer of the Year site. Although as a slight warning some of the earlier photos might be a bit distressing for some people. (click on the 2007 slideshow link, I can't directly link to it though).

To lighten the mood there is this site. Some may also find this distressing, but some how I think you’ll cope.