This too shall pass

I met up with a friend last night and we had a quick bite to eat and then watched the world go by sitting in Trafalgar Square. While we were there Critical Mass cycled by – that actually makes it sound as though they were moving at a reasonable pace but given the sheer volume of people and the number of traffic lights there, it actually took quite some time. But then I think that is part of the point of what they are doing.

My friend had to go home reasonably early and so I wandered toward the station to take the tube home but instead of getting on the tube I went to Waterstone’s at Piccadilly (which incidentally is the biggest bookshop in Europe) and browsed the books there for a while. I think there’s just something a bit unappealing about going home at the moment. What with students keep coming to stay and the latest two being very noisy and seeming to make the house very busy, it doesn’t really feel as though I am going home to peace and quiet but that instead it is more like having to contend with other people invading my space and my privacy and that even when I am in my room I can still hear the boys crashing about and talking loudly. So the thought of going home doesn’t appeal much at the moment because being there is just a bit of a hassle.

It’s funny because there has always been something odd about where I live. I have never been known for spending much time with my parents even though they only live about a mile away but since I have lived here, I have gone home far more often than I have over the last several years. Maybe some of it is that as you get older you learn to deal with your parents better, but I think it is more to do with how the place where I live at the moment is very dark inside and so I like to escape and sometimes I can’t think of where else to go apart from wandering over to see my parents (and mum usually feeds me too).

I know it’s only a short term thing that the boys are here and I know that in a couple of months I should have a place of my own - which is light and airy - but just for now I don’t want to rush home at the end of the day and when I am at home I feel as though I would probably rather be somewhere else. Somewhere more peaceful and more calm. In fact somewhere that I feel as though I am not constantly having to compromise what I want for other people – for my landlady so that she can make a bit of money out of having students to stay or for the students so that they don’t feel as though they have to sneak round the house unnoticed. It’s not that I mind other people being about but I would like to think that I might get a bit of consideration from somewhere, but to expect that from a couple of teenage boys might be a but much to ask. I know that all that is going on at the moment is tapping into something deeper within me, stuff to do with mattering and I need to think about that and I know that ultimately this will pass but until then I will feel something that I have felt over a number of years in the various places I have lived - a bit of a visitor in my own home.