Gone Away

So, my landlady has ‘gone away’ for a few days. It’s up to you whether you choose to think that it’s true that she has gone to Cardiff for a few days for a job interview and then to visit her son or that I did in fact find someone kind enough to bump her off and all they wanted in return was for me to be happy. Oh and a fake passport and a whole new identity. And a house in the Bahamas. *evil laugh* But oh, it was so worth it...

Yesterday morning was as irritating as many have been of late. My landlady reminded me of the need to keep my room today, what with me being five years old, rather than a paying tenant. Then she said “Last year the house was on the market for months and it wasn't much fun” Great, so by keeping my room tidy I am therefore making the house more saleable, thus raising the chance of losing the roof over my head AND I get to be miserable as well. Woo hoo! Just in case the previous offer of 'assistance' doesn’t work out, do feel free to put in your bid for bumping her off.

On the way up to my office yesterday I was in the lift with another woman and she leant backwards and accidentally pressed a button setting the lift alarm off. Concerningly there was the sound of a phone ringing and then a message to say that it was not possible to connect the call and to press the alarm button again to call security. So she pressed the alarm button again. I did point out to her that as there wasn’t an emergency she didn’t actually have to automatically follow the instructions. She looked at me kind of surprised, at which point we both walked out of the lift, so I have no idea if well-honed emergency procedures were launched to rescue a (non-existent) stranded person or if we should have just breathed a sigh of relief that we didn’t really need help as no-one would have known. If I disappear one day, do send help.