Not knowing

So last night was fine. G has nice friends and we just chatted away and had a pleasant time. We were actually meant to be going to see the White Stripes in concert on November but apparently the tour has been cancelled so that won’t be happening now. I will therefore stay at my total of having been to one popular music concert…

As I say, last night was fine, it really was, but I still actually headed home feeling kind of subdued. There were two reasons for that really. First, it was fine seeing C and we chatted away and had a laugh. Neither of us mentioned A at all, which is as it should be, but there was a point when it was just me and C and there was this slightly uncomfortable silence between us. I filled some of the silence with some brief banter but I think ultimately we both knew that there was something (someone) that was a bit of an issue between us. I don’t want to talk to C about A. Whatever A told her was in confidence and that is fine, I’m not asking for confidences to be broken. But I know that C knows things about me that probably aren’t that complimentary and that C knows things about my past relationship that probably I don’t even know (!). On the other side, C knows that I have my own side of the story and possibly a different understanding of what happened. But I don’t want to broach the subject because it is unhelpful to everyone concerned and would touch on things that are probably best not discussed. The only person for me to have those conversations with is A and that’s not a possibility.

Anyway… the other issue was that it is no secret that I am not a fan of alcohol, so being at a pub is not always the ideal place for me. G was by no means drunk, but certainly had had a bit to drink and was ‘merry’. It just made me feel wary, not because I thought G would do anything awful but because alcohol makes people less predictable and lowers their inhibitions a bit, potentially meaning that they do or say things that they wouldn’t if they were sober. G made a couple of comments to people that I just thought crossed the line, they weren’t offensive or nasty, they were just unnecessary and reminded me of why I don’t like alcohol. I did actually say to drop those particular lines of discussion but G took some convincing that somehow they were inappropriate things to say (basically humour over-stepping the mark rather than anything else) – and the reason was alcohol. I just always feel on my guard when people have been drinking a bit and I don’t like feeling like that. I have just seen the ill-effects of alcohol too many times and it makes me wary. Don’t get the wrong impression, G is lovely and I also know that I am overly sensitive about alcohol, but even so it’s something that bothers me.

The evening *really* was fine, by the way, and G phoned me later which was a somewhat drunken but very sweet conversation. Everything is ok between us, there were just a couple of things that hit a raw nerve with me last night.

Another song that I heard for the first time in ages was “I don’t know you anymore” by Savage Garden, which if you listen to it is kind of self-explanatory. Or you can read the lyrics here. Ignore the video that goes with it, but here’s the song: