I knew I couldn't be trusted

I did have my doubts that all was entirely right with the booking for the place G and I are staying at in February. Monday night proved to me that I should perhaps have relied on my instincts more. The phone rang and a very nice lady was on the phone to say that they had been expecting us to arrive that evening – a month early. I think she thought the mistake was hers, but I think I may not have been entirely clear when I booked... *looks slightly guilty* Anyway, she was very apologetic and said the booking was fine for February. I phoned G and said that I should never be trusted to arrange things and if ever that responsibility falls to me again, I must be given a full script to follow, possibly including a check list.

The new fireplace is looking good. If you’re very lucky, I’ll post a photo at some point. However, it’s a good job I intended to redecorate, as my skirting boards are a complete mess, having been somewhat damaged and there are glue marks where the previous fireplace was held in place. They also didn’t cut the carpet very well in a couple of places, so last night I filled in the gaps they had left with some trimmings of carpet. Despite that, the fireplace is really nice and will look even better once the room has been redecorated.

If you’re looking to up your reading then I you might be interested in a site I have mentioned before – that being DailyLit. There are hundreds of books on there (the vast majority are free) and you can set it up so that you get an excerpt sent to you each day. Choose a book, choose how often you want it to be sent, choose what time and 675 emails later you could have read the whole of War and Peace or The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes in a mere 131 instalments or The Time Machine in 38 instalments. It also has the added bonus tat it could be the perfect way to read a book at work without anyone knowing. Use your time at work constructively for once – and earn your salary at the same time#.

Oh and I have no words to describe the Arsenal score last night. *hangs head*


# This blogger will accept no responsibility for any disciplinaries or dismissals resulting from reading books at work.

Endings

I finished reading The End of the Affair on Friday. What an excellent book. It was so well written and just so easily evoked the thoughts and emotions the characters were going through and took you back to the moments when it unfolded. It was very 'English', very thought provoking and challenging. Some have said that Bendrix is a character that is not very likeable, but I didn’t find that. He isn’t someone who you would particularly like, but that isn’t the same as disliking him. I think he came across as a troubled man who was looking for answers – and perhaps he was more honest than most about what he really felt, which was not always very palatable, and maybe that is difficult for people to deal with.

Sometimes it’s good to read someone else’s account of circumstances to which you can in some ways relate. Whilst the book is fiction, it is actually based on real events in Graham Greene’s life and you can feel the depth of emotion that was poured into it. The book tells the story of two people, Sarah Miles (a married woman) and Maurice Bendrix, who had a relationship and the aftermath and self-questioning that came when Sarah broke it off unexpectedly with no word of explanation. Bendrix was left with unending questions and no real understanding of why that was – did it mean that the relationship meant nothing and that Sarah had just moved on to her next ‘conquest’ with no thought of him? The questions continually haunted him until one day, some years later, he saw her briefly and from there his questions took a new course.

“I cannot say how many days passed. The old disturbance had returned and in that state of blackness one can no more tell the days than a blind man can notice the changes of light”

An idea was inadvertently planted in his mind by Sarah’s husband – that a private detective might be able to help find the answers. So Bendrix contacted one and one of the things that the detective uncovers is Sarah’s diary. There laid before him is the truth of what happened. One night during the war they had spent the night together and a bomb had flown overhead and landed nearby. When Bendrix went down to survey the damage another bomb came over which was a direct hit. Sarah rushed downstairs to see what had happened and there he was lying ‘dead’ on the floor. She went back upstairs distraught and made a bargain with God, a God in whom she did not believe, that if Bendrix would live then she would learn to believe in God.

“Let him be alive and I will believe. Give him a chance. Let him have his happiness. Do this and I’ll believe. It doesn’t hurt to believe. So I said, I love him and I’ll do anything if you’ll make him alive, I said very slowly, I’ll give him up for ever, only let him be alive with a chance, and I pressed and pressed and I could feel the skin break and I said, people can love without seeing each other, can’t they, they love You all their lives without seeing you, and then he came in at the door, and he was alive, and I thought now that agony of being without him starts, and I wished he was safely back dead again under the door.”

Despite moments of weakness she never did make contact with him and Bendrix was left not knowing that it was because she loved him that she had let him go. When he did finally find out the truth he was elated, but by then, it was too late, as she died before they could be reunited.

“I sat on my bed and said to God: You’ve taken her, but you haven’t got me yet. I know Your cunning. You take us up to a high place and offer us the whole universe. You’re a devil, God, tempting us to leap. But I don’t want Your peace and I don’t want Your love. I wanted something very simple and very easy: I wanted Sarah for a lifetime and You took her away. With your great schemes You ruin our happiness like a harvester ruins a mouse’s nest: I hate You, God, I hate You as though You existed.”

Sometimes I wish that there was some great meaning behind A having broken off contact with me all that time ago. That somehow there were something that would make sense of it all and help me to understand. I can look at it on the surface and offer explanations, but they’re not really the answer because they are my answers, not A’s. But somehow I think it would be so painful to hear the truth that perhaps I am better off not knowing. I had thought that anyway, but a while ago G said to me that a mutual friend had given the impression that A did not have a good account to tell of me. A hard thing to hear.

When I met up with my friend K on Friday she asked me about A and I just said I hadn’t heard anything. K said to me “the problem with you is that you take people at their word. If someone says they will do something, you believe them and assume they will do it. A promised not to let you go and that your friendship would survive, promised to be in touch with you when you bumped into each other a while back, swore to you that the two of you would come out the other side of this. You believed those promises and you still do. All you can do is be disappointed in A for not honouring them”. I shrugged my shoulders and just said that it is my nature to believe people. K then said “You also have to accept that A will probably never believe that you are honourable in your intentions and that the friendship in itself matters enough without their being some other strings attached.” I just nodded my head in agreement*.

I woke up in the early hours of Sunday morning and was dreaming that A and I did finally get back in touch and were on decent terms with each other and it felt like such a relief. But then I remembered that it was just a dream and the moment was lost. Maybe one day.

“I wrote at the start that this was a record of hate, and walking there beside Henry towards the evening glass of beer, I found the one prayer that seemed to serve the winter mood: O God, You’ve done enough, You’ve robbed me of enough, I’m too tired and old to learn to love, leave me alone for ever.”

* At some point I will try and explain why that friendship was so important to me and continues to matter to me even now.

Installation

Another weekend over, another Monday of not going to work. Working 5 days next week is going to be such a shock to the system...

Anyway, Friday turned out to be a good day (mainly). My friend K had sent me a text the previous day to ask if I was about on Friday to meet up. She is someone I used to work with and she has been off work sick since last April with a wrist injury that has caused her so much pain that she is basically permanently doped up. Hopefully the end is in sight and she will be back to work within the next couple of months (I did do a mini-celebration at this news). She is a really good pal and is the sort of person who says what she thinks, but not in an obnoxious kind of way. Just before she went off sick we went out for dinner and she gave me a really stern talking to about sorting my life out and kept pushing me to work out what I was going to do to get myself out of a rut. It was a testing conversation, but I knew what she said was right. She said to me on Friday that she felt quite upset when she had went home that night, as she thought she had been too hard on me. Apparently she even shed a tear or two (and she is not the sort of person to do that at all). I’m really looking forward to her coming back to work and we might meet up for lunch before then anyway, as she doesn’t live very far from me.

After lunch I walked back to where I work and as I walked into the building, I slipped over. I’m not really sure what happened, but it certainly hurt (although my pride was probably more hurt than anything else – but I do have a nice black bruise on my leg). Someone I vaguely know was walking out of the building at the time and was apologetic that she hadn’t caught me as I fell, but I assured that would have been more than was necessary. Then as I passed one of the security guards, I told him I was drunk on my lunch break and as he seemed to instantly believe this, I had to assure him that I was entirely sober.

G came over on Friday night and we watched Coronation Street which saw Vera Duckworth make her final exit. Her husband Jack, seemed to determine that she had died by the temperature of hers hands. G said to me “You’d better hope that people are more thorough than that with you or else you’ll just be sitting there on the sofa one day and they’ll be taking you away and measuring you for your coffin.” It seems I have rather cold hands...

Saturday we went to the supermarket and this reminded a) that I don’t like supermarket shopping and b) I particularly don’t like it on a Saturday. It just always feels so chaotic and the mean and aggressive people seem to be out. So I am either going to have to make sure I get food shopping done on a week night or will have to order it over the internet, as I intend to avoid going on a Saturday, if I possibly can.

Then last night the people who are installing my new fire dropped it all off so that it’s all ready for tomorrow morning and now the transformation shall commence...

Planes, trains and oddness

Yesterday we watched a bit of the coverage of the plane crash at Heathrow, which fortunately turned out not to be too serious. I was wondering quite how ‘expert’ some of the reporting was though. I know that with 24 hour a day news coverage they do have to keep talking, but I was slightly surprised when an “expert” said all authoritatively “Landing is easy. It’s downhill”. I don’t suppose engine failure or anything like that would in anyway impact the ability to land then. I’m sure the pilot and the passengers from that flight are saying to themselves right now “But, I don’t understand how that can have happened. Landing is the easy bit!”

There’s a very odd chap at work. He only joined a couple of months ago and recently has just decided that he does not want to do any work. So every time he gets asked to do something, he just says “no”. There’s been some big furore about it (understandably) and it seems that it has been agreed that he can just leave. He has been perfectly fine with me, laughing and joking and being perfectly friendly, but with some others he has barely been willing to speak to them. Anyway, it seems that he will no longer be with us. I’m not sure if that means he has resigned or if he is expecting to be transferred to a new job, but he is remarkably calm for someone who has done himself out of a job and will have a hard time getting a reference for anything else he wants to do. Very odd…

There is a sign of a good book, which whilst a bit inconvenient, is one that speaks for itself – that being totally missing your stop on your tube journey home. Last night I was reading my book and when I looked up the train was stopping at the next station up from where I live. I just hadn’t noticed where I was. So I crossed to the opposite platform and made my way home – which of course allowed me more time to read.

“You needn’t be so scared. Love doesn’t end. Just because we don’t see each other...”

Disheartening

Since I went back to work, which was admittedly only a week and a half ago, I have been very disciplined about what I have eaten. During meetings I haven’t eaten any biscuits and haven’t eaten any of the chocolates etc that sometimes appear in the office. Every lunch time I have gone for a 30 minute walk, even when I have really not felt like it. What effect has this had? Well, maybe if I stand on one leg and the wind is blowing in the right direction, I have lost maybe a quarter of a pound. Hmm...

Fortunately I’m not dieting. I’m not a fan of such things and think that they are unsustainable. I just want to be more healthy, make sure I get a break from my desk and generally just give myself a bit of time to clear my head each day. I was doing this at the end of last year anyway and so, fortunately, this is not a New Year’s resolution or else it would be very depressing. There is no way that I am eating to excess, it just seems that eating more healthily and getting regular exercise seems to have pretty much no impact on me. Perhaps I defy medical science? Perhaps I am just a bit slow on the take up? Maybe my body needs to catch up with itself and understand that what I am doing should make a difference?

For years I used to go for an hours walk every lunch time and then, basically connected to stuff going wrong with A, I stopped and took up rather more of a sedentary lifestyle. But I’m hopeful that by walking for at least half an hour on my lunch break, plus the walk to and from the station each day might actually begin to get me back to where I was at a couple of years ago. If all else fails though, I will have to consider starting to amputate limbs. Perhaps I’ll go for a few more walks on my lunch break before making a decision on that one though.

Anyway... reading The End of the Affair is going ok so far and it is a very engaging and really well written book. I think I’m heading towards the more traumatic bits though. Without going into the whole plot of the book, the main characters in the book Maurice Bendrix and Sarah had an affair a couple of years back and Sarah suddenly and unexpectedly breaks off contact with Bendrix and he never has any idea why and it has tormented him ever since. Then one day they see each other briefly, in the presence of her husband and they then speak on the phone and arrange to meet in a few days time.

“I sat with the telephone receiver in my hand and looked at hate like an ugly and foolish man whom one did not want to know. I dialled her number, I must have caught her before she had time to leave the telephone, and said “Sarah. Tomorrow’s all right. I’d forgotten something. Same place. Same time.” And sitting there my fingers on the quiet instrument, with something to look forward to. I thought to myself: I remember. This is what hope feels like.”

Abandoned

The weather is appalling at the moment and there seems to be a trail of abandoned umbrellas across London. I saw lots of umbrellas that were left deserted on pavements, at bus stops and anywhere else you can think of. I guess the wind was stronger than people realised. I appear to have lost a glove. Not due to the weather, I think I must have just dropped it somewhere but that’s a bit irritating.

You have to keep things in proportion though. If I ever need a reminder of why that’s important and that you have to make sure that you don’t turn into someone who is slightly unhinged then I will look back to the woman I saw yesterday. The tube was packed on the way to work yesterday and we got to one particular station and there was just no room for all the people on the platform to board. Some woman walked along the platform a bit away from the door and started to bash on the window and shouted at the people on board (of which I was one) “Move up! Other people want to get to work. Move up!” If you have to resort to taking out your anger on commuters already on a packed train then you have to start thinking that something isn’t quite right in your life. Yes it’s annoying, but surely it is better to head to work a bit earlier and thus avoid the peak of the rush hour than die at 45 from a stress related heart attack. Anyway, no-one moved and a few people crammed on board and then we couldn’t leave straight away because the driver had to re-open the doors several times because they wouldn’t shut due to their being so many people on board. There’s a lesson in that…

I finished “The Book of Illusions” which was quite good. I wouldn’t rave about it but it was a reasonable read. A story within a story within a story I guess is the best way to describe it. I have now started reading “The End of the Affair”, so we’ll have to see I get on with it. I am actually a bit nervous about it, but what I have read so far has been very good. I might keep some tissues to hand though because I think I’ll need them. *gulp*

Having time off is tiring

Back to work today – but by the looks of it I have another four day week next week because they want to come and fit the new fireplace on Monday. It was quite a busy day yesterday, the chap turned up to look at where the fireplace will go and did things like set off a smoke bomb in the chimney. While he was there a chap from the council dropped in to talk to me about the flooding on the road outside where I live. Then I had to phone a chimney sweep (it would never have really crossed my mind that such a thing now exists) and he is coming over on Thursday to sweep the chimney in advance of the fire installation. Then I went to the supermarket and then it was lunch time. At about 5pm I fell asleep in the sofa for a bit. I should have people to run my life for me, I’m too delicate to have to achieve so much in a day. I am suited to being a lady of leisure, which means no work and no having to actually *do* anything (except nice things preferably involving eating).

Christmas is now a thing of the past for another 50 or so weeks (or about 30 weeks given when the adverts will start), but Easter is soon approaching, hence the Cadbury’s Creme Eggs already being in the shops. Cadbury’s are running an ad campaign to go with it, better known as Goo-ology, click on the link and see more ways than you can possibly imagine to release the goo in them. Somebody had waaaaaaay too much time on their hands when they designed that site, but it’s well worth a look. Unfortunately I am trying to be healthy at the moment so it is the closest I will get to a Cadbury’s Creme egg for the foreseeable future.

Rubbish

It was so nice waking up late on a Monday morning. I’m waiting for the fireplace man to come round and I’m not entirely sure when he’s arriving (some time before 11.30am) but I didn’t have to get up at 7.15am so that was good.

Over the weekend I helped tidy G’s room. G had sent me an e-mail on Friday saying “I’m a bit worried about you seeing my room. It’s even more messy than when you saw it last time”. I seem to think there was some episode of Friends where Ross is going out with a girl and goes back to her apartment and it is like a rubbish dump. Well, for some reason that episode came to mind on Friday night. To quote Ross:

“You know how you throw your jacket on a chair at the end of the day? Well, it's like that, only instead of a chair it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of the end of the day, it's the end of time and garbage is all that has survived!”

Anyway, Friday night we spent ages going through loads of stuff and found that there is both a sofa and a floor in G’s room. Amazing! G got a box to put recycling in. G works well with incentives and I kept pointing out how much we had achieved by comparing the very small amount of paperwork being kept as compared to the large boxful that was being chucked out. G is quite into recycling and so I tried to explain it in terms G could relate to “When you leave an envelope on the floor, you are keeping it from its destiny. You’re saying that it can only ever be a used envelope. But by recycling it, you are allowing it to fulfil its destiny. Perhaps it will become a newspaper, perhaps one day you’ll use it again as a piece of printer paper, or perhaps it’s destined to become an envelope again, but this time an airmail envelope that will travel the world. By leaving it on the floor you are holding it back from that destiny”. G nodded in agreement.

Hats

My spare monkey hat has found a new home. Someone I work with is a monkey fanatic and I showed her my monkey hat a couple of days ago and she almost passed out with excitement so I promised I would bring in my spare one for her. She even came back to see me later that day to remind me. This is someone quite senior in my organisation and so it is always very bizarre to see her get so excited about monkeys. I left the hat on my desk for her while I went for a meeting and when I got back there was a very excited note and a drawing of a monkey waiting for me.

I am staying at G’s this weekend and the agenda for the weekend includes doing the cleaning, tidying G’s bedroom including buying some storage boxes and maybe having another look at the computer to see if I can get it to run any faster. It’s an exciting life… We are also going out for lunch on Sunday and then meeting up for a coffee with someone I don’t know, but am very curious to meet. I will then get to Sunday night with the somewhat smug feeling that I don’t have to go to work the next day as I have Monday off because the fireplace man is coming round.

I can’t remember where I read it, so I can’t find the exact words, but the other day I read a quote from John Betjeman who apparently said that in the event of a nuclear attack should he hear the four-minute warning, he would proceed at a brisk pace to Peter Jones on the ground that nothing bad could possibly happen there. Peter Jones being the Sloane Square branch of John Lewis. A man after my own heart I see.

Distance

I spoke to soon about my book list. If you never take on board anything else that I say then perhaps you will still remember this. If you spend ages working out a list of books to read, when you wash your jeans do remember to remove it from your pocket. *shakes head in despair*

Whilst my thoughts on last year are that the quality of relationships has deteriorated there have actually been a couple of good things that have happened this week. When I checked my work e-mail on Monday there was an e-mail from a friend who contacted me before Christmas to try and arrange to meet up for a drink, but as I was already on leave I hadn’t got it. I replied to his e-mail and when he responded he said that that morning he had been thinking about the fact he hadn’t hear from me and was a bit concerned about what was going on. Sometimes I just go through phases of being a bit anti-social and he had actually texted me as well (although I hadn’t realised it was just to me) and I didn’t get round to replying to it. He had been down in London over Christmas and said he would have dropped in had he known. I think I was just kind of touched that it bothered him.

Then on Tuesday I got an e-mail from my friend S, who was one of my housemates at university, and she said that she had tried to phone me the previous evening and said “I didn’t have anything particular to say. I just missed you.” I have been particularly anti-social with her because sometimes I just don’t know what to say to her and some of the things I say she just doesn’t want to hear, but then she phoned me last night and we had a good chat about nothing in particular and I am now going to see her at the end of January. Eek.

So that’s all progress of sorts, even if just by realising that it does actually make a difference to my friends if they hear from me or not. I guess it is nice to feel missed.

Saving the best for first

Last night I booked a few nights away in February for G’s birthday. Just down on the coast for a few days, but it should be really nice and a good way to celebrate. Something to look forward to. Now I just keep feeling paranoid that I booked it wrong but they’re writing to confirm so if there is a problem, I have a few weeks to alter it.

My mum gave me a book called ‘1001 Books to Read Before You Die’ and I went through that while I was off work and picked out some that I thought I would give a go – in fact when I had added it up I had chosen exactly 100. If I read one a week (which is clearly no going to happen) it would take me two years to read all of them. I think it will take me decidedly longer, particularly as I may well read other books as well.

I used to read about 50 books a year and I would keep a brief note on each one. Nothing profound, just a reminder of whether I liked the book and might therefore want to read other books by the same author. I just lost the inclination to read when things went downhill with A and that year I read a grand total of 9 books. At that point I decided to stop keeping notes, as life was depressing enough without also recording my failure to be able to even read a book! Anyway, I’ve got back in to reading a lot more over the last couple of years and was pleased to get the book from my mum as it has given me lots of ideas of books to try – the weird thing was that I hadn’t even heard of most of the books from the last five years or so. I really have got very out of touch with the book world. But I’m enjoying reading new things and will even try to read some classics, despite having been thoroughly put off by having to read them at school. By my calculations I have read something like 41 of the books in that book, so I have a long way to go to achieve 1001 – and suspect I never will, any description that started “this mighty tome” was instantly downgraded and there are some that I just don’t want to read.

At the moment I’m reading The Book of Illusions by Paul Auster and I’m enjoying that. I also have a few other books lined up to read which includes a book that I am slightly nervous of reading. That being The End of the Affair by Graham Greene. I saw the film adaptation of it a few years ago (which I think was generally not all that well received) and it really disturbed me and for days afterwards it kept coming into my mind. I’ll explain more about why when I read it, but it just had some themes in it that really struck a chord with me. I think now though that I want to see if the book does the same because I want to use it as an impetus to think about some difficult things (not that I had an affair by the way even though that might be the obvious things to conclude based on the title!) and maybe just see someone else’s perspective on those things. We’ll see how it goes…

The other books I have lined up to read are Youth by JM Coetzee and The Light of Day by Graham Swift and I want to read some more Margaret Atwood and have a whole range of books that I’m quite excited about reading. When I was younger if I started a book I had to finish it, even if it was terrible, but now I’m with Henry David Thoreau “Read the best books first, or you may not have a chance to read them all.” Indeed.

The Return

Going back to work wasn’t as bad as I had feared. This was definitely helped by booking next Monday off work and also a week and a half at the end of February. Roll on being on leave again!

I am trying to be more healthy. Yesterday I ate much better than I have over recent weeks. Lots of vegetables and no bad stuff (apart from a very small piece of baklava when I went over to see a friend last night). I also walked all the way up to my office without using the lift when I got to work. I wish I worked on a lower floor… Plus I forced myself to go out on my lunch break at lunch time despite the weather being utterly horrible. C said tome that she lost a lot of weight over Christmas because she got that norovirus bug that is going round, so she is trying to eat a lot to put weight back on (she is underweight anyway and seems to be able to eat endless amounts of food and basically put no weight on). I said to her that we could perhaps balance each other out, as it would be good if I could lose a bit of weight and she replied “well you could give me some of yours”. As we all know, the correct response was “you don’t look like you need to lose weight at all”. She will now be marked down on her appraisal.

I was talking to G on the phone yesterday evening, who had had a frustrating day at work. I have two words for you I replied. G pondered this. I continued “office voodoo!”. I had given G Office Voodoo for Christmas and already it has proven itself to be the ideal gift. The answer to all office related problems.

I did also start my return to work with a positive mindset and set off from home trying to think happy thoughts. When I was on the tube I suddenly noticed that the chap sitting opposite had his trousers undone (in a wholly accidental and him blissfully unaware kind of way). I sat there and wandered whether to say anything. It’s one of those things that is kind of embarrassing to tell someone and also obviously breaks the vow of silence that everyone takes using the tube. However, I decided it was probably better to say something, and that the best time to do so was as I got off the tube at my stop. So the train came into the station and I stood up and lent forward and quietly said to him “Your trousers are undone” to which he said “sorry could you repeat that” so I then had to repeat slightly more loudly “you’re trousers are undone”. He just said “thanks very much” and I disappeared off the train not daring to look back lest I get turned into a pillar of salt.

Oh the inhumanity...

It’s back to work for me today *weeps and wails*. Only another 50 weeks until Christmas. How do people in countries like the US put up with some much less leave than in the UK? I think I’d go insane. Anyway, I need to take a day off in the next week or so to have a chap come round to check that the fireplace that I want is ok to fit etc. I went to a few shops with my mum on Friday and he last one I went to was perfect. As it turned out, I knew the chap who served me and he is a really nice man and was very helpful and gave good advice; one of my concerns was that they’d turn up with the fireplace and then say my chimney etc wasn’t right, but as standard they come out to check your property in advance; and, I had already seen the fireplace I wanted but this shop was about £300 cheaper than the other place I had seen it. Result! So I just need to phone them today when I have checked my work diary to arrange for them to come round to have a look and then they will come round in a few weeks time and install it. If you’re very lucky, I might even post photos. Then I intend to redecorate my living room…

I actually had a very nice weekend and reached the end of last night feeling as though I’d used my time off well (despite three weeks not being long enough off work!) and that I had achieved quite a lot. I really want to watch more films this year. I don’t think I went to the cinema at all last year, but even if I don’t again this year, watching some DVDs etc would be good. After G went yesterday I watched a couple of films, one of which was Amelie, which I thought was a charming, if slightly off the wall, film and I really enjoyed that. It was quite a sweet film and just had some really good insights into brief moments of life. It was well worth a watch (I had recorded it on Film 4 and I think it is will be on there again and I think you can also watch it on the Film 4 website).

I then watched another film called The Dish, which was an Australian film about the first moon landing – it was the Australians who beamed the picture around the world of Neil Armstrong taking the first steps. That was also quite a good film. I really like Australian films and think they tend to have a really good humour to them, as did this one. The only thing that irritated me about it was that there was some chap signing in the corner of the film, which is fair enough but he kept obscuring various people – it was a bit like

Both the films I watched had a couple of lines in them that wriggled about in the back of my mind.

From Amelie:

“My little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake!”

From The Dish:

“My wife said something. She said, "Failure is never quite so frightening as regret".”

Indeed.

Know-how

My last day of leave *sigh*. I’m still not feeling very well, but I’m meeting up with my mum in a bit and we’re going to go and look at fireplaces.

Yesterday was ok. I went over to see someone who I used to work with and it was good to catch up. She has been really struggling with her health, mainly her ability to walk and she did seem quite down when I saw her. She’s also really worried about work and if they might start trying to crack the whip a bit. They’ve just got a new boss and she is a lot more hard-edged than the previous one who would just always take the easy route and so she’s worried if there might be pressure put on her to do more, even thought she doesn’t feel well enough to do so. She also told me that there might be a job coming up in the office soon and that I should think about applying for it. She, A (as in the ex) and I used to be in the same team together and so it would mean going back to work there. I just said that I didn’t think that I was looking to go back there. Since I have worked for the organisation that I do (which is about 7 years), the only job I have really liked is working there, but things have changed so much since then. The boss we had was great but when she moved on the job was never the same. I do actually keep in contact with several people from that office and it might be nice to work with them again, but I think there is certainly that element of things never quite living up to what you remember. We also spent a while talking about all the politics of the office and I certainly don’t miss that – and there is, of course, the issue of A working there, which makes it all rather unpalatable anyway.

Anyway… then I went over to see if I could improve G’s broadband connection. It’s a wireless connection, but basically doesn’t work. I had a bit of a nose about and then decided that the best thing to do was move the receiver away from the radiator (because it’s made of metal and can interfere with the signal) and also just to see if the receiver being elsewhere in the room might mean the signal is stronger – and hey presto, it worked! This was a rather cheaper solution than buying a new computer, so G was very happy.

I have been thinking about the sickness bug that is sweeping the country at the moment and whilst I am sure it is horrible, it does have the advantages of being a very effective weight loss plan and would also mean some time off work, which would be two rather good outcomes. Perhaps there are more preferable but slightly longer term plans that could achieve both of these though. Mind you, going back to travelling on the tube next week might mean that I have no choice as to whether I get the bug or not.

Finally… the nominations have opened for the 2008 Bloggies and I shall be putting my mind to coming up with some blogs to put forward, although there are some categories that I wouldn’t have a clue about. Anyway, now’s the time to start coming up with your favourite blogs. You have until 11 January.

Leave

I am so glad that I still haven’t gone to work. I don’t feel as though I have had a break at all and my cold is also getting worse by the day, so I feel a bit rubbish. As G said, I would just like to have found time to get bored this holiday; G went back to work today incidentally, so we’re now planning some time of work at the end of February to get bored then instead...

This afternoon I am going to see someone I used to work with. I got a letter from her just before Christmas telling me how unwell she is because she has such trouble walking and really painful hips. She thinks that she needs a hip replacement but the doctors say she is too young. She sounded so miserable so I am going over to see her to find out how she is doing and I’ll maybe try and see and go over and see her a few more times. Then this evening I’m going to go over to G’s for a bit, but will then be coming home because I don’t want to have to get up really early tomorrow when G heads off for work.

Then tomorrow is my last day of leave *weeps* and I intend to continue my search for a new fireplace for my living room. I do feel as though I have achieved quite a lot with my time off, it has just gone so quickly and been so busy. Perhaps 2008 needs to be the year of taking a lot more leave.

New year...

2008 at last. I have to say that I am not feeling 100% today. A combination of a cold, a headache and not enough sleep. Although I have been off work for a couple of weeks, I really don’t feel as though I have had a break. At least I don’t have to go back to work until Monday.

So, what did I make of 2007 on a personal level? Well there were certainly some good things, such as going out with G, which has been great - and very welcome having been single for so long! There was also a change of job way back in January, which whilst not the perfect job and maybe not really want I would ideally want to be doing, is much better than my last job and I have a really nice boss and there are times when I have had to do things that are really difficult and have done them well. I could have been a better boss at times, but I have done some positive things to manage and encourage C but I need to think about how to do that better. I have also owned where I live for a year and have really started to make that my own. I’ve decorated, fitted a burglar alarm, fixed things, learned new things about owning property and generally enjoyed owning my own place. I certainly get a form of security from owning my own place and have made some good in-roads into paying off my mortgage. So that’s all been pretty positive.

Having said that, my overall view of 2007 is one of disappointment. It has been a challenging year in a number of ways and if I were writing my school report it would say “could do better” (as it so often did!). I think on the surface many people would look at my life and think that it has a lot of good things in it, which indeed it is does, but on a number of fronts I think it didn’t go as I would have hoped. The main area that I am disappointed in is relationships. Relationships with friends and family. I look at the quality of both of those and just don’t really think they were enhanced on any really tangible way in 2007. I have a good relationship with my sister and that has been good, but friendships in particular have been tested and found to be wanting. I have talked to a few friends about some really difficult stuff and there have been very mixed results. A couple of them have been great and one of them I have been pleasantly surprised at how great and supportive she has been. But a couple of other friendships have just once again surprised me at how far those friendships have changed – or perhaps it is me that has changed and the friendships have stayed the same and are never likely to catch up. S was one of my housemates at university and for a long time was my best friend. I spoke to her on the phone a while back about some really difficult stuff and she told me how “disappointed” she was and even cried because she was so disappointed. Who wants to be friends with someone who is disappointed in them? I have just withdrawn from things there and now can’t quite understand how we were ever really good friends.

Another friend was someone I had also known through university, although we weren’t actually at university together. I knew that I had neglected the friendship and I wrote to her at the beginning of December to try and offer a bit of an olive branch (not that we had argued) and explained what had been going on in my life during the year. How did she respond? Well… she didn’t. Not one word. She did send me a Christmas card, but that was just a very standard card that she had signed, there wasn’t even anything ‘personalised’ in it. She could have sent it to anyone. I was really honest with her and in response she couldn’t even write a few words to even acknowledge that.

I could go on, with other examples of where friendships feel as though they are just slipping through my fingers but you get the point.

There is also the shadow of A still in my life. It is a really unfortunate situation that I go out with someone who is really good friends with the one person who knows A’s perspective on what happened between us and knows why A finds the prospect of being in touch with me so abhorrent. I never want to have a conversation with C about it but I still know that she knows far more about a relationship that I had than I do. I find that difficult and uncomfortable. But this year I intend to try and deal with some of those things, which you may well read about here – I bet you can hardly wait.

As for my family, well things are the same as ever with my father and I cannot imagine us getting back on to good terms. There’s just too much water under the bridge and my father lacks so much self-awareness and is so unpredictable and just downright odd that I just don’t want to spend time with him or have him know about my life. Things are fine with my mum, we just don’t see each other very much and I like to keep myself to myself when we meet up. I might take an occasional day off work and try and go out and do stuff with her, as it would be a big regret for me if I let those opportunities pass.

I’m not really one for New Year’s resolutions. I think often you just set yourself up to fail. I also think you don’t need the turn of a year to make changes, if I want to change something I can make the decision to start to do so there and then. I would hope that there are a whole series of new resolutions, however minor, throughout the year and I take a bit of time every now and then to evaluate where I am at on some things. But for 2008, I do plan to try and build a few bridges, some with people already in my life or who have been at some point in the past and maybe with some new people as well and to have the hope that I might reach the end of this year and feel more satisfied with where I am at and the quality of those things in my life. Here’s hoping.

Whatever 2008 holds, I hope that it is a good year for you. Happy New Year.

2007: Looking Back - Part 3

Then we moved on into June – the month in which the 2012 Olympic logo was revealed too much derision. The video of it was even banned from being broadcast again, as it caused some to have epileptic fits. Let’s hope the Olympics themselves turn out to be more successful.

This was also the month when Paris Hilton kept getting sent to prison, but it always seemed to be one with a revolving door, as she was very quickly returned to the free world. She might have wanted to ensure that she stayed in the US because President Putin threatened to point his nuclear weapons at Europe. Charming.

Obviously taking a leaf out of Tony Blair’s book, Michael Parkinson announced that he would be stopping being a chat show host at the end of the year. His successor might like to take not of the tasks that greeted Gordon Brown when he took up office as Prime Minister in June. Floods hit the UK and there were also failed terrorist attacks on a night club in Central London and on Glasgow Airport.

Bernard Manning also died in June and the world of comedy may well have given a collective sigh of relief.

The floods continued into July and spread from the north of England to the South and West. After 114 days captivity, Alan Johnston was finally released. He might have wanted to have a celebratory cigarette on his return, but in July England joined the rest of the UK in banning cigarette smoking pretty much anywhere apart from your own living room (give them time).

The controversy surrounding TV continued. This time the BBC reported that the Queen had walked off in a huff during the filming of a programme. However, it turned out to be another bit of fakery and it’s fair to say the Queen “was not amused”.

In the world of politics, there was a brief moment of respite from George Bush when he handed over power to Dick Cheney while he had a check up for colon cancer. He could also have taken the opportunity to have some plastic surgery carried out, but it seems that going under the surgeons knife was no longer the preferred option, as it was reported that there was a rise in “do it yourself” plastic surgery. Why, oh why?

Also during July, a plane crashed in Brazil killing 200, Nigel Dempster died and so did Mike Reid – EastEnders will never be the same again.

In August it was once again dangerous to travel by road. In Minneapolis a bridge collapsed killing about 7 people and in the UK a biker was shot dead on the M40. It seemed to be the month for shootings because Rhys Jones, an 11 year old boy, was shot dead in Liverpool.

Also during August, prison officers went on a surprise strike, there were climate protests at Heathrow and the Chinese started to more closely monitor their citizens use of the internet, which included a ‘policeman’ appearing on the screen every 30 minutes to remind them that they were being watched. Here we have google to do that for us…

During September another National Express coach crashed but fortunately this time no-one was killed. There was also a plane crash in Thailand that killed about 90 people. Northern Rock borrowed some money from the Bank of England, which caused mass panic and led to savers forming queues outside the bank to withdraw their money.

It also seemed to be the month for a lot of famous people to die. Jane Tomlinson finally lost her battle with cancer and died aged 43; Pavarotti died aged 71; Anita Roddick died aged 64; Colin McRae was killed in a helicopter crash; Marcel Marceau died, as did Lois Maxwell (Miss Moneypenny).

During October, there was more changes for smokers when the minimum age for buying them rose from 16 to 18. I guess the teenagers will just have to carry on buying crack cocaine instead then. It was also a month of losses doe some people, Britney Spear lost custody of her children, Marion Jones admitted to taking steroids during the Olympics and was tripped of her medals and Gordon Brown couldn’t bear the thought of potentially losing and decided there would be no election. This then led to some blood-letting for the Liberal Democrats whose leader Menzies Campbell resigned as their leader.

There were also losses in the sporting world when England lose on the final of the Rugby World Cup and Lewis Hamilton was pipped at the post and narrowly missed out on winning the Formula 1 racing title.

The more bizarre stories on the month seemed to involve people with only one leg. Heather Mills launched an attack on the media, seemingly suggesting that they were out to get her. So the media responded by digging up even more dirt on her. This was also the month when a feud broke out over the ownership of a man’s amputated leg. But it was decided non-one had a leg to stand on.

This month Deborah Kerr died aged 86.

In November the Metropolitan Police were found guilty of a breach of health and safety over the death of Jean Charles de Menezes. There were calls for the resignation of the Met Commissioner but he hung on in there.

England was knocked out of Euro 2008 and Steve McClaren was sacked. Perhaps for once we won’t see lots of people driving round with England flags hanging off their car. Every cloud…

HM Revenue and Customs admitted to losing 25 million people’s details, which was just the tip of the iceberg as it turned out, since then DVLA, the NHS and many others have held their hands up to losing people’s data.

This was also the month where we learned that you should choose the name of your teddy bear very carefully, particularly if you live in a Muslim country, as a British teacher was arrested for allowing her pupils to name a bear Mohammed.

Also this month, the founder of the Samaratins died, as did Norman Mailer and in Finland a student killed some of his fellow pupils in a school shooting.

Then it was December and the British teacher was given a pardon in Sudan. This was month when a man presumed dead reappeared after five years, seemingly having lost not only his canoe but also his memory. However the story began to unravel when a photo of him and his wife was found on the internet and all did not seem to be quite as it appeared. Both he and his wife are currently on remand in prison. They were perhaps rather more fortunate than many, as it seems to have been another month of deaths. Evel Kneivel died; there was another shooting at a school – this time in Nebraska; a tiger escaped from San Francisco zoo and killed one and seriously injured two others; and, Benazir Bhutto was killed by a suicide bomber in Pakistan.

As years go, it seems to have been one filled with a lot of bad and sad things. Let’s hope 2008 is a bit better. Tomorrow I might attempt a look back forma more personal perspective.

2007: Looking back again

As is the case with most years, we then moved on to March. Another month of doom and gloom, although Celebrity Big Brother controversy still continued, as Talk Talk announced it would no longer be sponsoring the programme. This was also the month in which an investigation started into premium rate phone lines used by TV companies. There were allegations of viewers being ripped off who phoned in to Ant and Dec, Richard and Judy and so on, even Blue Peter was found to have misled viewers. I think we can clearly see that 2007 was the year when we truly reached a moral rock-bottom.

You might have therefore thought it safer and less costly not to be at home sitting in front of your TV. Instead you could get in your car and see the wonders that the UK has to offer. However, if you bought your petrol from some Tesco petrol stations then your journey was likely to come to a shuddering halt as it turned out that their petrol had become contaminated causing potentially thousands of pounds worth of damage to cars. If that wasn’t enough, then there was also the woman who followed her so closely that when it directed her to drive down a railway line she did just what is said. I would make some comment about women drivers but it might be better to remind people that we do have those things called maps and learning to read one could actually mean you reach your destination in one piece.

The light entertainment of the month was Comic Relief and that included Tony Blair making a star appearance in a sketch. Probably the highlight of his year - apart from seeing Gordon Brown lurching from crisis to crisis after he took over as Prime Minister. Gordon Brown did, however, show himself to be a tough Scot by having a dental operation with no anaesthetic. Why, anyone would choose to do that I have no idea, perhaps it was cheaper and we know what a fiscally astute Chancellor he was. Sir Andrew Turnbull showed himself not to be Mr Brown’s biggest fan though when he described the contemptuous way Gordon Brown treated people. Some may think that made him an ideal candidate for the next prime Minister though of course.

In other news that month UCAS found that a number of students cheated when filling out their university applications, including plagiarising others. It sounds like they were entirely suited to going to university and were just getting started in their academic career early. This was also the month when the British Service men were captured by Iran for apparently crossing into Iranian waters whilst on patrol. A patrol that apparently didn’t include keeping an eye out for approaching ships, as they didn’t seem aware of their captors approach until it was too late.

A woman in Laos became the first person to die of bird flu; John Inman died aged 71, Sally Clark died somewhat unexpectedly having never recovered from being wrongly imprisoned for killing her own children, Bob Woolmer, the Pakistan cricket coach died in ‘mysterious circumstances’ and the world of coffee beans will never bee he same again after the death of Gareth Hunt from Pancreatic cancer.

This was also the month in which Alan Johnston was kidnapped just as he was finishing his time in Gaza.

Then we moved on to April, in which the British Servicemen were released by the Iranians after some diplomatic negotiations which might well have been comparable to Joseph Heller’ Catch 22 and involving someone just redrawing a line on a map. The Servicemen came home and promptly sold their stories to the highest bidder, which opened up a whole new storm of controversy.

It was a bit of a blood thirsty month. A disgruntled student killed 32 when he shot fellow students at Virginia Tech University. Rather less seriously, a polar bear received a death threat and Boris Yeltsin died.

In May it was a time of change at the top. Tony Blair announced that he would resign as Prime Minister on 27 June and John Reid said he would stand down at the same time. Gordon Brown was then announced as Prime Minister when he was unopposed in his leadership bid.

Also this month, the Cutty Sark caught fire and Trafalgar Square was turfed over for a couple of days – I have no recollection of why…

This was the month in which Madeleine McCann disappeared a story that was to dominate the headlines for the rest of the year with allegations and counter-allegations, but never any real answers.

2007: Looking back

So, it’s nearly the end of 2007 and therefore it’s time to start to have a look back over the last year and recall what made the headlines this year.

Way back in January 2007, was of course the return of Celebrity Big Brother. Even people, such as myself, who don’t watch the programme cannot have failed to see the headlines about this programme. We got to spend time in the company of people such as Leo Sayer, Jade Goody and Shilpa Shetty. Taking part in CBB is meant to help to relaunch flailing careers but we are still (thankfully) waiting for the resurgence of Leo Sayer and Jade Goody went from the ‘celebrity’ people loved for being a bit dim to the ‘has-been’ that can’t work out the difference between making polite conversation and calling someone a poppadum. It certainly raised people’s profiles, but I imagine if you were looking for some cheap perfume for someone you didn’t actually like then you could probably have picked up some of Jade’s (then) newly launched perfume cheap on a market stall.

In other news from January, a boy in America who had been missing for four years was found, interest rates rose again, the first ‘super-casino’ was announced and Labour party officials were arrested in the cash for honours scandal.

There was also the somewhat gruesome hanging of Saddam Hussein’s half brother, which actually decapitated him. Closer to home, a National Express coach crashed killing two people and having started many years ago, Magnus Magnusson finally finished when he died aged 77.

February was not a great month for Bernard Matthews, when his turkey farm was found to have Bird Flu, which resulted in thousands of birds being culled. It was also the month that Britney Spears realised too late that the Wallace and Gromit film “A Close Shave” had already been made and she needn’t have shaved off all her hair after all. There was also the tale of the female astronaut who drove across America in a nappy to confront her love rival. I think it is fair to say that she has now come back down to earth on that one with a bit of a bump when she was charged with attempted first degree murder.

In other news from February, a Virgin train crashed in Cumbria killing one woman; Anna Nicole Smith died somewhat unexpectedly at the age of 39; Sheridan Morley died aged 65; and, Ian Richardson’s House of Cards tumbled down when he died aged 72.

There’ll be more to come (and I’ll add some links) over the next few days...

Odd

I had quite a good Christmas and got some nice presents. Yesterday I went over to my uncle’s for lunch and we had roast beef and Yorkshire puddings followed by cheeses. Then I went over to see one of my housemates from university and we had roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. Good job I like it!

My father was his usual odd self over Christmas. Let me give you a couple of examples.

We were at my sister’s house on Christmas Day and were sitting at the dining table and my father started a story:

“A long time ago I was travelling back from Munich and while I was waiting at the airport there was this really attractive lady standing nearby. She looked Italian and when I looked at the boards sure enough there was a flight to Milan.”

“Then I went and got on my flight to Heathrow and the next thing I knew the same woman came and sat down next to me.”

At this point I interjected “Dad, this story did not happen”

He replied “Yes it did”

I said “No it didn’t you’re making it up”

He continued “Anyway, when the flight took off she offered me a cigarette [this was meant to be a long time ago] and then asked if when we got back to Heathrow we could share a taxi to Croydon. I told her that I didn’t live near there and that I needed to go home”

I interjected again “Dad, you really are making this up, it didn’t happen.”

My mum then joined in and said to my father “No that really didn’t happen. What are you talking about?”

My father just makes things up, but doesn’t realise that he is and then believes them. He’s an odd man.

Then yesterday he was talking about the tiger that escaped from San Francisco Zoo. First of all he said “They think the tiger jumped a 20 foot moat and a 25 foot fence”

A short while later he mentioned the story to my uncle and said “They think the tiger jumped a 25 foot moat and a 35 foot fence” I raised an eyebrow and queried how the moat and fence had suddenly grown.

On the way home we were listening to the news on the radio and it was a 15 foot moat and a 20 foot fence.

Bizarre.

Merry Christmas

Christmas is finally here. I don't have much to say today and I am off to my sister's house shortly to eat food and open presents. So instead I shall leave you withoen of my favourite Christmaas songs. Merry Christmas.

The Night Before Christmas

So, it’s nearly Christmas, which I am finding hard to believe, but hopefully I will have come to terms with it by tomorrow. Before tomorrow, I also have to whip up a chocolate log (for which read: put some chocolate butter icing plus snowmen, a tree and a Santa Claus on a swiss roll I bought at the supermarket).

I spent quite a bit of the weekend watching programmes that I had taped during the year and had then failed to watch. I’m only part way through doing this and I now have various other programmes to tape over the festive season. Life is very unfair sometimes…

Anyway, I’m going out for dinner with my parents tonight and then over to my sister’s for Christmas Day and my uncle’s on Boxing Day. I actually want to try and see someone who I used to work with over the next week or so. I got a letter from her at the end of last week and she sounded so depressed. She is in her early forties and has developed a really bad hip, but has been told she is too young for a hip replacement. Her letter sounded really despairing and I think she can hardly walk any distance at all, so I’ll try and go over and see her and maybe get some shopping for her or something. I also got a Christmas letter from ‘Obsessive landlady’. It seems that since she moved to Cardiff, she has met a chap who she has been going out with for a few months. She probably has him ironing his socks and pants.

On an entirely irrelevant note, the other day I was thinking that it would be quite good to have shoes with heated soles. Then every time it was icy, as soon as you stepped on some slippery ground the ice would melt away and you wouldn’t run the risk of falling over. It could also have the added bonus of warming your feet up. I told G about this who did point out that it was a rather flawed idea (powering it, what if you stand on someone’s foot etc etc) but I still like it and might therefore enter it as an idea on Dragon’s Den next year.

I might be back tomorrow, but, if not, Happy Christmas.

World Class Service

It is the 75th Anniversary of the BBC World Service. I feel strangely proud that we broadcast such a service across the world. That no matter where you are in the world you can hear the voice of the BBC talking to you, telling you what is going on – and where countries try to clamp down on the freedom of the media and perhaps even switches off its transmitters, the BBC has been known to turn up its signal in neighbouring countries so that people can still pick up the World Service even if they get no other news or objective media.

If you click here you can see a timeline of the World Service and it is worth listening to the Lord Reith clip as he makes the very first broadcast and tells people that the World Service (or Empire Service as it was then known) was not going to be very good and people shouldn’t expect too much. Brilliant! But you also get to hear the live reaction of a journalist when the Hindenburg exploded and other key moments in history. Of course it was also the World Service that has such a bit impact on Alan Johnston while he was in captivity earlier this year because it was his link to the outside world. A really great service.

Talking of really great services… Geoff has done his annual review of the year – but with the added complication that he now lives in the US but he has done it from a UK perspective. I haven’t started to download any of it yet but it’s always very good and then you vote on which were your top five songs of 2007 by sending him an e-mail. I thought last year was going to be his last year, but it has made a welcome return this year, so I’ll get listening asap.

Marvellous

The Christmas Concert last night was great (despite the slightly annoying people sitting next to me who only arrived half way through the first half and then whispered to each other and made sarcastic comments to each other throughout). I think it was one of the best Christmas concerts I have been to and was really enjoyable. It was at the Royal Albert Hall and included Vaughan Williams Fantasia on Christmas Carols (which is why I had wanted to go to it) and there were also lots of other well known pieces, some old, some new, and we also got to sing Christmas Carols at various points, which concluded with a fantastic rendition of Hark the Herald Angels Sing, which is my favourite. Brilliant.

If you are looking for that last minute gift or want to do something quite romantic you can go to the Coca Cola site and type a message which should then appear on the display in Piccadilly Circus. I think you will get an e-mail in advance to tell you when it will appear and you can also track the messages online if you can’t get to Piccadilly Circus. Marvellous.

Anyway, today is G’s last day here before heading off to Scotland for Christmas, so we’d better make the most of it and I need to put together a ‘care package’ for the train journey. Despite it only being about a 5 hour journey there will be sandwiches, mince pies, fruit, chocolate, beer, coffee and other such things so that all eventualities can be catered for. Better get on.

Disappointing

*Contented sigh* My first day of leave (apart from having Monday off…). What a relief.

I have to report though that I am feeling somewhat disappointed in a certain someone who is very dear to my heart. Yes, indeed. I cannot express how disappointed I am in Mr John Lewis at the moment *discontented sigh* yesterday I went to John Lewis on Oxford Street to buy something from the jewellery department for my mum. I knew exactly what I wanted, having done my research in advance (of course!) and found the item and then waited to be served. Only the staff were just not very on the ball and I stood there for a few minutes waiting to be served and then the woman served someone else instead. Then when the other woman became free she then approached someone else (who was standing almost next to me). I was so unimpressed and so said “actually it was me who was next” and the woman looked at me and turned to the man she had started to serve and said “it seems this lady thinks she was first…” and basically left the man to fill in the gap. He said to me “I was just standing next to you and just moved round here to the other side of the counter” and I said “I know that but I was still here before you” and the woman then said to him “would you mind if I served this lady?” and he replied “I guess I don’t have much choice”. I was so unimpressed. First of all it is a basic skill to keep track of which customer is next. If you work in a really busy department store then you have to be able to keep track whereas the staff just seemed to pick people at random. Many a barman has to keep track of who is next to be served and they can do it – or if they’re unsure they ask who was next instead of just guessing. Second, she seemed to be expecting the customers to sort it out amongst themselves whereas she should have been the one who sorted it out because it was her mistake. I am a big fan of John Lewis, but for the second time this year I have found their customer service to be very disappointing.

Incidentally I think the chap deliberately tried to get served ahead of me and was miffed because he didn’t get away with it. Don’t mess with me. Particularly when I’ve had to go into work when I’m on leave. Particularly when all I want to do is go home. Particularly less than a week before Christmas on a very busy Oxford Street. Pah!

Anyway… tonight G and I are off to a Christmas concert which should help to get me in the spirit a bit more and am just going to have a nice relaxing run up to Christmas from here on in…

Keys

I sooooooooooooooooooo enjoyed being off work yesterday but at a couple of points remembered that I have to go into work today and my little heart sank. *sigh* Anyway, I tried to use my day fairly constructively and went and got my hair cut and went to the supermarket and other such things. I wasn’t entirely sure what the hairdresser must say about my hair as a couple of weeks ago G decided to give the back of my hair a bit of a trim. It was one of those moments when the first snip is taken and you’re a bit shocked that someone has followed through on their threat and then you’re kind of committed and have to allow them to finish the job or else you end up looking even more odd than normal. However, if the hairdresser noticed anything untoward, he was too polite to comment.

When I went to the supermarket I bought some PG Tips tea and this include a monkey hat! I shall be wearing that to work today to keep my poor head warm. It’s basically a grey hat with a monkey motif on the front. It’s a highly desirable product, so I’ll just have to hope that no-one mugs me for it.

G ended up coming back over to mine last night due to leaving those rather vital things called door keys at mine by accident. I had actually picked up G’s jeans yesterday morning and thought they were quite heavy but as I’m not in the habit of going through people’s pockets, I didn’t check why. Perhaps I should have to save G all the hassle of getting home, realising the lack of keys and then having to come over to mine. Oops…

Anyway, off to my final day at work for 2007. Yay!

Sleep, at last...

I had a very nice weekend, but it didn’t start quite as intended! G was going to a work Christmas do and then coming over to mine.
“I’ll leave at 10 and be to you by 11” said G.
“Ok, well I really need to get some sleep because I still don’t feel very well and am really tired” I replied.

11:10pm G phones
“I haven’t left yet, I’ll leave in the next half an hour and come over to you”
I grumbled a bit.

Gone midnight G phones again

“Erm, I’m just leaving now and so will be over as soon as possible”
I grumbled a bit more.

12:55am G phones again

“The tube has stopped running, I’ll have to find another way to get to yours”
“Right” I tersely replied.

1.45am G phones again
“I can’t get a taxi and I have no idea how else to get to you”
“Walk to a bus stop and get a night bus!” I replied and then grumbled a lot. I then got up and logged on to the internet and told G which bus to get.

2.10am G phones again
“I’m on the night bus. When I get to the other end, I should get a taxi to you then?”
Me through gritted teeth “No, I’ll come and get you”

Finally just before 3am, I picked G up (with a flask of tea to warm G up – I’m not all bad…) and we drove back to mine. So I didn’t quite get the early night I had planned…

Anyway, once G had woken up sufficiently on Saturday we went to see some of G’s friends for Christmas Day number one. They are such generous and hospitable people and they cooked the most delicious food and we all had a really great time (despite one of the other people who was joining us breaking down on the way there, so then there was the whole palaver of a couple of people going out to find him and getting the AA out). We just ate so much and had such a nice time though. Then on Sunday we ate lots of leftovers – even their leftovers are far superior to what I would serve as the main meal – and we ate pretty much our entire Christmas period allowance of fat and calories in the space of 24 hours. Fantastic!

Then G and I came back to mine and watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” on DVD and this morning G set off for work and I slept in – at last.

Thoughtless

I had a good lunch yesterday. We went to the Mongolian Barbeque and it was a nice meal and you could eat as much as you like, which included me eating some crocodile. Not your normal Christmas meat, I admit, but quite nice nonetheless.

The thing that bothered me about it all though was settling the bill. We had already paid a £10 deposit and my head of unit was paying a hefty contribution towards the alcohol and the people working out the money then asked for another £20 each which was more than the cost of my meal, all that I had drunk and the tip. I did say that as a non-drinker I was being penalised, whereas everyone else was paying rather less than the amount they owed, I was paying more than mine had come to and subsidising them. It wasn’t the money that bothered me, it wasn’t about me being tight, it was that I didn’t see why I should subsidise other people’s drinking, when that was already being subsidised and I really do not like alcohol. Why should I be paying for others to drink when I don’t actually particularly like other people drinking? I think they just thought I didn’t want to pay so much money, which wasn’t what it was about at all – but I shouldn’t have to explain to them why I have an issue with alcohol. That’s my private business but people make assumptions and think that everyone will willing go along with it and you end up sounding awkward or mean if you raise an objection. I was in a really bad mood when I went home because I just thought it was a bit unfair that I had had to try and justify myself. It was a good meal but that just summed up for me how people treat non-drinkers – thoughtlessly.

Anyway… I have another festive event tomorrow, which means going to stay with some of G’s friends and eating lots of food and generally having a very nice time. Of course, the end of today should have been the start of my three weeks of leave, but due to having to go into work on Tuesday I have a long weekend ahead of me and then a brief return to work and then I go on leave. Nearly there… Nearly there…

Grumpy

I so desperately wanted to leave work early yesterday but due to some pressing work coming in (as in urgent not as in ironing) I had to focus on that and I had sent C home at lunch time because she had been sick in the toilets. She couldn’t quite decide what to do with herself so I firmly instructed her to go home because that was far preferable to staying at work and then having to go home on the tube during rush hour. It’s her birthday today, so I hope she is feeling better.

I did find out that C is definitely going out with that chap from work though. My boss spotted them walking along the road holding hands yesterday lunch time (awwwwww). I think it’s really nice that they’re going out but I shall remain entirely silent on the matter because it’s none of my business who she is going out with and if she doesn’t want people at work to know then that’s up to her.

I have another work lunch today and that should be ok and hopefully I will be able to leave work reasonably early after that. I was counting down until being on leave but now have to be in work for a meeting on Tuesday morning and another on Tuesday afternoon. What annoys me about this so much is that someone has been off sick for a bit and so my boss is covering a meeting for him, so I have to come in when I am meant to be on leave so that I can cover for my boss. This chap is actually likely to be in work next week but he doesn’t want to trek off to some meeting in the north of England so we have all had to rearrange our plans – which is on the day of my bosses 25th wedding anniversary... I have had one days leave since August, which was to have a water meter fitted and this was going to be three weeks of bliss not thinking about work, but that has now had to be altered because of this chap. I am not totally unsympathetic to him, he’s a nice chap but he has had probably in excess of 40 days off sick this year and we have to pick up the slack and make sure the work gets done. He doesn’t like his job but because of his appalling sick record he can’t get another one, so we seem to be rather stuck in this situation. Anyway, I should be in more of the Christmas spirit and perhaps there is still a Christmas miracle to come and I won’t have to go into work. Bah humbug.

Clearing up

I’m still feeling decidedly out of sorts with my cold, but fortunately yesterday was not too strenuous a day as most of the afternoon was taken up with a Christmas lunch and then I got to head off home early.

We had a really nice lunch though. We went to an Italian restaurant and it was a very laid back atmosphere and all the food was really good. I had mozzarella and tomato and then turkey followed by tiramisu. I think it’s one of the best Christmas meals I have had. Over the last few years practically every place I have worked has gone to Porters in Covent Garden and each time I go there I just wonder what the fuss is about (and they have a really poorly designed website as well). They are probably fine during the rest of the year but at Christmas the food is mass produced, a bit dry and you’re shoved out the door as soon as your time slot is nearing its end. Not my idea of a good time and much more expensive as well. So yesterday was pleasant change and a big improvement.

I was amused by an item in yesterday’s London Paper about Alan Davies (of QI and Jonathan Creek fame) apparently having bitten the ear of a homeless man who was giving him a bit of a hard time. It said “Davies, 41, a vegetarian, chewed the ear for 13 seconds making it bleed before other revellers separated the pair.” Could we just clarify the relevance of mentioning that he is a vegetarian? *thinks* Oh yes vegetarians don’t eat meat, therefore chewing someone’s ear and drawing blood is totally ridiculous. *thinks some more* Carnivores do eat meat therefore chewing someone’s ear is perfectly normal and appropriate behaviour. Glad I cleared that up.

Leaving early

My cold has been getting worse and is now filled with a lot of sneezes. Not great. I found that although using vaporub is good for making it easier to sleep, it is designed for people in relationships because it is not easy to apply properly on your own, particularly on your back. G did it for me on Sunday night but I had to fend for myself last night. They don’t tell you *that* in the instructions do they!

I don’t have a very strenuous day ahead of me, which is probably a good thing, I’m going out for lunch with some people from work and that should mean a reasonably early finish. The chap I had to buy a Secret Santa present for is off sick, so I needn’t have worried about it so much. Yesterday two people who I work with separately decided to leave work really early to go and do their Christmas shopping. A couple of people I work with said to me that they weren’t aware that we were allowed to just excuse ourselves from being in the office just because we were a bit behind on our shopping. It’s the season of parties and slowing down on work but I think both of them (both of whom were male) were pushing it a bit just to leave work to do some shopping.

Sometimes I have to remind, myself that however irritated I get with my colleagues, if I ever do something that would qualify me for an entry on this website, it’s time to find a new job (or a padded cell).

Sick

My cold did not improve over the weekend. On both Friday and Saturday I woke up about every two hours during the night and so have been suffering from a lack of sleep. Generally I sleep the whole night through and it is so unusual for me to struggle to sleep and I hate the feeling of being over-tired. I was actually tempted to take the day off work on Friday but there was a meeting I wanted to go to and I also have not been off sick from work in almost 7 years and so I want to maintain that unbroken sickness record unless I have good reason to break it. I only have to make it through to the end of the week and then I should be off for three weeks anyway.

On Saturday G and I went out for lunch at a local café and as soon as we sat down I knew that we had managed to track down a local nutter. He’d left a notebook on the table next to us while he went out for a cigarette and that was filled with notes and scrawl. While he was smoking he stared in through the window at us and trying to get out attention. He then came back in and G and I ate our food and the chap got given his bill, which he then asked to be re-written item by item. We could tell this wasn’t a good sign, including when he started to query how each item could possibly charge that amount. G and I decided it was time to leave and did so just in time because he was just starting to explain that he didn’t actually have enough money to pay the bill. I think he was an unwelcome regular at the café and they were used to dealing with him. G and I decided that we might actually like to be in the company of people like that more often (despite the fact that he did rather smell) because by comparison we seemed normal.

I may be a step closer to being able to retire as G got an e-mail saying that someone with the same surname had died in Africa and they had been unable to find a beneficiary so this firm of solicitors would be happy to find a way for G to be able to claim the $28 million instead. As soon as G advised the solicitor of how much of a share they would get for ‘helping out’. It seemed remarkably kind and generous of these people to have got in touch, so I think it would be fine to let them have a few thousand pounds – what with the dollar being weak so in reality it’s only about £14 million, which is nowhere near as impressive so it won’t go anywhere near as far as £28 million would have gone. It seems that these solicitors have helped out any number of people and there are a remarkably large number of peoplewho die in Africa and then their relatives can’t be found. Anyway, should this turn out to be the road to fortune then I look forward to 2008 being the year in which I become a lady of leisure. Perhaps I’ll have a Plan B in mind just in case.

Despair

It’s Friday – at last! I am actually feeling a bit under the weather and so need to try and catch up on some sleep and to take things a bit easy this weekend. I did drag myself out to do a bit more Christmas shopping last night, but the highlight for me was that as I walked out of my front door my neighbour handed me an Amazon parcel and in it was a book I had ordered for myself called How Santa Really Works. I just really wanted to read it so I bought it when I was ordering some other stuff and so will pore over that this weekend. I hope you’re not sceptical about whether Santa does actually exist…

I was in meetings most of the day yesterday and the first one it turned out that I was actually chairing but had absolutely no idea until I arrived so I had to do some quick thinking. Anyway because of the meetings I was at I couldn’t go to another meeting which my boss and C went to instead. I was talking to my boss about how that meeting had gone and he took me to one side and said that it hadn’t gone as well as hoped and this could cause a problem for another meeting in a couple of weeks time. He might not be able to go to that meeting and I am on leave – but he asked if I might consider going to it even though I am on leave. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I have had one day off since August, which was to have a water meter fitted. I have three weeks off work and now I might have to go into work. I could weep. My boss is so nice though and he wouldn’t ask unless he thought it was really important and he will see if there is a way round it, but it’s taken the shine off the thought of being on leave as of next Friday. Please don’t make me have to go into work.

That story of the missing canoeist is just getting more bizarre by the day. Where was he? Why did he disappear? Why did his wife not tell anyone he had turned up? Not quite the joyful family reunion it had first looked like.

Progress

I am making some good in-roads into my Christmas shopping. Last night I went to Oxford Street and Regent Street and bought a few bits. I think I now have about 5 presents left to buy and I pretty much know what they all are, it is just a matter of tracking the items down. I also bought some stuff for G’s stocking. We’re not actually seeing each other at Christmas as G is in Scotland, so we are having a delayed Christmas instead. Anyway, I think I’ve got everything for that now. The only problem is that the stuff for the sticking is probably better than the other presents I have for G. Och well, spending time with me should be enough of a reward… *looks sceptical*.

Incidentally, I don’t actually like Christmas shopping and I am rubbish at choosing presents but I like to get it over and done with so that I don’t get to Christmas Eve and have to run round like a headless chicken buying whatever is left on the shelves.

I was thinking about going to Trafalgar Square tonight because they will be switching on the Christmas tree lights and there will be some carol singing, but I’d end up going on my own, which is fine but I’d rather not stand around in the cold without someone there to moan at.

I was actually on the tube yesterday with a very moany tube driver who had a go at people for getting on the tube as the doors were closing. He very grumpily told passengers that “the train was going to depart unless someone else wanted to obstruct the doors and hold up the whole train”. The tube drivers are not a cheery bunch on my journey to and from work. I guess he is not in the Christmas spirit.

Old fashioned

I spent some of yesterday evening writing Christmas cards. I figured I may as well get on with doing it, as it always takes a while. I know that it’s maybe a bit twentieth century to send Christmas cards but I think it is still a nice thing to do – I even send the occasional postcard when I am on holiday too. Perhaps I single handedly keep Royal Mail in business?

I am helping a chap at work sift applications for a job. It is so tedious marking application forms and this year I must have sifted well over a hundred with all the interviews I have helped out with and yet I still offer. More fool me, I guess. Anyway, I have occasionally wondered if there is something going on between this chap and C. A long time ago I did ask her if anything was going on and she said no, but I they definitely see each other outside of work. I think they went to a wedding together a couple of months ago and I have spotted them together on a lunch break and so on. I usually work on the principle that someone’s private life is just that – private – but I am quite hopeful that something might be going on between them because they would make a really nice couple. But I can’t ask because it is none of my business. I shall just have to enjoy the sport of trying to look for signs of something going on.

If you think you are a bit challenged in the looks department (or are just not totally shallow) then you might welcome the campaign by an Argentinean chap against ‘the cult of the beautiful’. He is trying to campaign for those who are not blessed with good looks in order to get them on a more equal status as those who are seen as more beautiful. Of course the advantage of not being that bothered by how you look is that as you get older you are less likely to be scared of someone coming too close to you with a lot match in case your nose or some other body part melts. I would say that would be more of an embarrassment than looking a bit of a nerd, but perhaps that’s just me.

Secrets

I have a curious interest in missing people. I suppose I wonder what happens to them - where do they go? Why don’t they go back home? Everybody is different, so there is no one answer. I imagine most do not go missing like the canoeist who turned up a couple of days ago after being missing for five years. His family must have such a mixture of feelings. Relief and amazement that they at last have the answer as to what happened to him, but also the shock of having someone return who they had probably thought was dead, even though they might well have held out hope against hope that wasn’t true. Let’s hope that after all this time they can piece together what happened and also put their lives back together.

C heard about the job she had an interview for last week and she didn’t get the job. Obviously there is a part of me that is pleased that she won’t be leaving but it must have knocked her confidence and I imagine she must be thinking that she is never going to move on in her career. I’ll have a chat with her about it today and then when she gets her feedback we can look at that and see what can be done to boost her morale and confidence a bit.

It’s the Secret Santa time of year again. I have to get a present for a chap who has only worked in the section for a few weeks and I have spoken to a couple of times. I was thinking of getting him a Flesh Eating Plant, but that seems to be out of stock at the moment. So I am trying to find some more ideas. Hawkin’s Bazaar may be the answer... After all, what could be better than a book on home taxidermy or your own mini orchestra, being able to do some nose aerobics or affix indicators to your ears so people know where you are going. It’s amazing what you can do for under a fiver these days. Personally I am thinking of buying myself an imaginary friend (as pictured above) because I might have more success with that than with the real ones in my life of late. It *really* is amazing what you can get for a fiver...

Like a kid at Christmas

I had such a great day on Friday going round the stadium of the best football team ever and having a bit of a nose. I am not some really avid football fan, but felt really excited to be in the players changing room and all their shirts were hung up waiting for them and I got to sit on their cushions and peer into their post-match bath etc. I was slightly awestruck by it all. I did ask the chap who was showing us round if I was allowed to steal anything but he said no. Pah... I do have some photos on my phone though that I might upload at some point if I get round to it. It was a very enjoyable say though and my talk went well too and then I got to go home nice and early and so it was an early start to my weekend.

I had another nice weekend and am feeling reasonably into the Christmas spirit. However, the weekend started with G coming over feeling very under the weather, so I had to be a nurse-maid and wait on G hand and foot, which seemed to work as there was a marked improvement as the weekend wore on. I have healing hands.

I did mange to drag G out on Saturday to buy a Christmas tree and that now has pride of place in my living room and has some tinsel and some coloured Christmas lights on it. I think sophisticated people have white lights, so I have therefore shown my true place in society by going for coloured ones, but it’s what I had as a child and I wanted them! So G and I put the tree up and decorated it while listening to Christmas carols and it was really nice. I also put out the nativity scene that my granddad made many years ago. Don’t get the idea that this is some fantastically handcrafted work of art, the animals are all made of plastic, but he made the stable and I think painted the figures of Mary and Joseph and the wise men and shepherds. I think he also put the wire round the angel’s neck so it can hang from at the back of the stable, but it does look somewhat like a noose, so it is probably rather sacrilegious... Anyway, I’m trying to be more christmassy this year and I think I have made a reasonable start.

I then spent yesterday evening tidying the living room, kitchen, main bedroom and spare room and everywhere is much improved. I did still find time to watch Elf though, which was on Channel 4 and I thought that was quite amusing and a nice and silly start to the Christmas season.

I am also really on the countdown to finishing work. Only two weeks to go - and not a moment too soon.