Dilemmas

I am off into London in a bit. It always feels so much more like I have had time off work if I have done something constructive with my weekend, rather than just messing about at home.

I have a bit of a dilemma about tomorrow though. My sister e-mailed me earlier in the week to say that she is going to the restaurant that is literally about twenty seconds from my front door with my parents for lunch. She asked me if I wanted to go as well and I sent back a rather non-committal e-mail saying “could do...”

The thing is that I feel distinctly uncomfortable with my father potentially getting to see where I live. I can just imagine that if we had lunch the suggestion would come up that they have a look at where I live and it would be difficult to decline without being offensive.

There is a suspicious part of my mind that wonders if this is some deliberate ploy with exactly that plan in mind. It must have been years since any of my family have been to that restaurant and suddenly when I live almost next door, they plan to eat there.

Since I left home my father has never been inside any of the places that I have lived. He has seen a couple from the outside due to mum dropping stuff off to me on occasion etc and even that I have felt uncomfortable with (dad being there, not mum dropping stuff off). He has never had my home or work phone number and he was only given my mobile number because mum was ill in hospital a couple of years ago and there was no way of getting out of it really.

Part of it is probably a power thing, I have the opportunity to be in control of this situation and so I exercise that power by not letting him see where I live. But it’s not just that, it’s that it is my space, where I want to feel comfortable and at ease and somehow it would feel kind of tainted if he were to be there. I don’t want to hear what he thinks about where I live or for him to have some understanding of things that go on in my life.

All of this because of Sunday lunch. I haven’t even said if I am going yet, hoping that it all just goes away. Speaking of which, it’s time for me to go away as I have to go into London...