Weddings from Hell

I still have various things rattling round in my head and need to find some way to tap into them and blog them here. They’re just slowly coming together inside my head and some of it may escape here in the not too distant future.

Anyway, last night I was avoiding watching the football so had ITV on in the background which was showing “Weddings from Hell”. I’m not really sure what I thought the programme was going to show, maybe people being upset that the wrong colour flowers were delivered, or guests getting drunk and having a bit of a punch up. But no... these were weddings from the deepest bowels of hell. They spent a lot of the first half of the programme focussing on a couple’s story where the bride had decided to go to the church on a trike (it’s a sort of motorbike thing) and fifty yards from the church fell off it and sustained such serious injuries to her legs that they had to be amputated right there in the street. Or a couple who had actually got married but the groom and a friend got stabbed by a complete stranger when they were standing outside the evening reception. I couldn’t help but be horrified by the awful things that people went through on what is meant to be the happiest day of your life.

Fortunately no wedding I have been to has ever proven to be such a disaster. However, despite my sister specifically asking him to be well behaved my father got so drunk at her wedding that he passed out in the gents toilets and was unable to walk or talk and someone had to basically drag him out of the toilets. My sister was so angry with him about that and I don’t think he even apologised when he had sobered up. A few years before that one of my uncles had got married and his mother in law is a bit of a dragon. My sister was a bridesmaid (I had politely declined) and my uncle’s mother in law told her off for putting her suitcase on the bed because it creased the duvet cover. We then got told that it was inconvenient that any of my uncle’s family had been invited as if we hadn’t gone she could have invited more of her own friends. Yes, his mother in law was terribly charming. I don’t think my uncle sees her too often and we’re all hopeful that it isn’t genetic for the sake of my uncle and his children. But in comparison to the programme I saw last night any wedding I have been to has been remarkably tame. I haven’t been to a wedding for a couple of years and I’m kind of relieved given what could have happened.

*Draws up list for attending any future weddings* Outfit – check. Card and present of a toaster – check. Bullet proof vest – check. Paramedic – check. Life insurance – check. Crime scene evidence bags – check. Weddings really are getting far more complicated and more expensive these days.