A battle of wills

My plight requires more urgent assistance than I had previously realised. I got home last night to find that, once again, my landlady had been in my room and tidied it. Again there was no-one due to view the house but because people could come round with the estate agent unannounced, she appears to have decided that very morning she will go into my room and rearrange it. This is becoming a battle of wills. She goes into my room and removes my rug and moves my bin and rearranges the duvet on my bed and then in the evening I put my rug back on the floor, move the bin back to where it came from and mess up my bed. She has even taking to stacking the toilet paper up in the bathroom because somehow she doesn’t like it the way I leave it in the bathroom. So everything she moves I move back to where I want it to be instead.

I know, I know… I should speak to her about it. However for various reasons that I’ll explain another time, I don’t want to do that. But you *taps on inside of monitor*, yes you *points – and then remembers it’s rude to point* could fix this for me. You could relieve the agony and lift this burden from me. Having said that my eyes are still watering at some of the suggestions of what I could do in return for people killing my landlady. I may have to look into upgrading the Yahoo filter system *fans self at the thought of it* But, you know, desperate times and all that…

I’m beginning to wonder if the boys who are staying at the moment are actually Chinese. Yes they may come from China, look Chinese and speak Chinese, but I have reason to believe they may be duping us. On Saturday night my landlady decided to cook them a Chinese meal. When I say ‘cook’ she actually got them a Chinese ready meal from Sainsbury’s and put it in the oven. The thing is that they took a few mouthfuls of it and just couldn’t eat any more. So how can they really be Chinese if they don’t like Sainsbury’s sweet and sour pork covered in that oh so authentic sauce and special friend rice? Surely anyone who was actually Chinese would think it was a taste of home. I think they have really begun to slip with their cover story. On Monday they told my landlady that they didn’t want her to cook their dinner and they had bought some ready meals and would eat those instead. What were the ready meals? One was chilli con carne and the other was beef stew with dumplings. Now would real Chinese people eat that? I think not.

Maybe this is all just some grand plot to make me go insane. I’ve got my landlady tidying away the evidence of my existence, the ‘Chinese’ boys making a lot of noise and disturbing my sleep, bits of my computer disappearing and so on. Perhaps she has some plan to steal my identity and take on my mundane and boring exciting life. So should I suddenly disappear or seem to turn into a complete control freak then send help. Please.