Senses

I think I have done most of the work for my head of unit now. Certainly yesterday I spent most of the day at her beck and call. However, she disappeared for a while during the day because she had an emergency appointment to have a tooth removed. On her return she seemed to preface everything she said with “If you can smell all the blood that’s in my mouth then just say and I’ll move a bit further away.” Lovely.

I’m not sure if that is better or worse than the experience of someone I work with who was given an apple from someone’s allotment and was happily eating away when she discovered half a worm in it. Unfortunately she only realised this as the other half disappeared down her throat. She didn’t eat any more of the apple.

The thing of late that I find most unpleasant though, and it appears to be an increasing phenomenon, is people farting on the tube. Recently I have been sat there on the tube when my olfactory senses have detected an unwelcome odour. Do people think that their silent emissions are somehow less offensive due to it subversively making its way around the carriage?

I think the main culprits are the people who are standing up (although it is probably less noticeable if you are sitting down). Perhaps they are trying to punish people who have got a seat. But surely as the smell pervades the already stuffy atmosphere they may have second thoughts about their misdemeanour – in case it comes back to haunt them. Of course it is impossible to identify the culprit and in our true Britishness we try not to react to the odour encroaching on us, trying to breathe shallowly so as not to inhale it. But folks, if you’re ever tempted to follow suit and think it will do no harm, think of your poor fellow travellers who have to endure your emissions. I have other things to wake my senses up, such as caffeine - and believe me whilst that first cup of tea in the morning is perfection, I have no similar sentiments for other people’s odours. So, please, just don’t. Please.