I think it’s fair to say that it has not really been a good week. Let’s start with these words “head of unit”. Need I say more? Well probably not, but I will anyway.
I’ve been working pretty long hours this week, as my head of unit has wanted me to do various things for her. Then yesterday morning I went into work and she had some more tasks for me and I said that I couldn’t do what she wanted because I was interviewing some people for quite a lot of the day. This was not what my head of unit wanted to hear and she went off on a rant about how ridiculous this was and she would probably cancel the interviews (not that they were anything to do with my unit, I was doing this for someone else) and so it went on. In the end she calmed down and I went off and did some work for her briefly and then did the first lot of interviews.
Over lunch time my head of unit phoned me and had a real go at me, including telling me that she might stop me going to Russia and so on. I explained to her why it was impossible to cancel my trip to Russia (not in an aggressive way but just explaining that it was too late to cancel without causing some major consequences) and she just said that it was her call. I sat there and listened to all the things she said and responded to the points and then, when we’d finished the conversation, started some of the things she wanted done. But I could feel myself beginning to crumble a bit so after a few minutes I went and made myself a cup of tea.
When I went back to my desk I just set my cup of tea down and thought “Actually I can’t do this” (as in just carry on as though nothing had happened) and just felt myself begin to go to pieces a bit. I went over to one of my colleagues to try and say to her what had happened but as soon as I started to speak I knew I couldn’t keep it together and could feel myself beginning to dissolve into tears. She just steered me out of the office and into the toilets and got me to explain what was going on. I still can’t quite believe that I went to pieces like that and I keep telling myself that there isn’t much longer that I’ll have to put up with this but it doesn’t really help. I do think it is totally unprofessional to get upset like that at work but the fact that I did shows that it must really have got to me.
Anyway, after standing in the toilets crying and trying to explain what was wrong I said that I had to go back into the office, as I knew my head of unit would be back and even more annoyed that I wasn’t there. Sure enough there was my head of unit, but fortunately she didn’t come over. A few minutes later she spoke to the person who’d gone out to the toilets with me and asked her what was going on and she said that I’d just been upset about some things.
The rest of the afternoon I did the remaining interviews and then carried on with the work for my head of unit. About six o’clock my head of unit called me over and sat me down and asked me why I’d been upset. I think she was actually genuinely upset by the effect she’d had on me and she spent a while talking to me and explaining why she’d spoken to me in the way that she had. I explained things from my perspective and how hard things are in the section at the moment generally and I did actually feel rather better once I’d spoken to her.
The thing is that I know she gets annoyed with me because she thinks I am good at what I do and it makes her angry when things don’t go as planned, but actually it makes me just feel totally rubbish and as though I am really bad at what I do. I already have plenty of people to tell me I don’t quite measure up, without it being reinforced by my head of unit on a regular basis!
There are other things too, which I can’t even find the energy to explain here. I’m just hopeful that with the weekend ahead and the prospect of (probably) going to Russia that it will clear my head. On the whole I’m fine, it just gets harder and harder to take the knocks sometimes and yesterday was one of those days.
3 comments:
Hope it makes you smile!
I've just been sent this - thought it rather appropriate! ......
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked,
"How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."
He continued,
"And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before
holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."
"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."
So, my friend, why not take a while to just simply RELAX.
Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.
Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.
Life is short.
Enjoy it!
Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because! Then you won't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
* The second mouse gets the cheese.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Have an relaxing weekend TF.
Thanks TF - yes that did make me smile. You also win the prize for the longest comment ever.
I am hoping for a relaxing weekend, but hopefully not a boring one.
I hope yours is good too.
Just checking into your blog. I am genuinely sporry to hear that you are having to work so hard and that you are under so much pressure. I hope that the Russian trip is a breath of fresh air.
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