Water, water everywhere

I was at a meeting most of yesterday afternoon, which was particularly good as it meant I got home from work a bit earlier than normal, as the meeting was held was much nearer to where I live than where I work. Anyway at the meeting there was some water on the table but one of the bottles couldn’t be opened because the thread had gone on the cap, so the cap just went round and round and couldn’t be undone. The person who was taking the minutes had brought along a bottle of tonic water for her own personal consumption and even though people were thirsty she refused to let some poor chap have any of it and directed him to the bottle that couldn’t be opened. It was like some scene from a film where people start to plot how to kill one of those trapped with them so they can have the last morsel of food. I didn’t take much a liking to the woman so if someone had killed her for the water I would never have told.

Something that was slightly more difficult to overlook yesterday though was an incident on the way into work. I was in *such* a good mood yesterday, I even had a smile on my face on the way into work, which is pretty much unheard of, I might add. This was probably good considering the sight I was about to see.

I change trains part way through my journey and I went and stood in my normal place on the platform and awaited my train. As I glanced across at the platform opposite, which was almost entirely empty, I saw a Sikh chap dressed in a suit and maybe in his sixties standing there and he suddenly reached down to his crotch area. My thinking went as follows

“He must have realised his trousers are undone. You’d think he’d want to turn the other way so people can’t see him doing them up”

“Hang on a minute he appears to be reaching into his trousers”

“Oh my goodness what has he just removed from his underpants?”

“I wasn’t expecting to see quite that much of anyone this morning…”

He then proceeded to urinate on to the tracks, exposing his somewhat unimpressive manhood to all 300 people standing on the platform opposite. Yes that is right he did this in front of about 300 people*. For a split second I had thought he was intending to do something else other than have a wee, so he was not the only one who was relieved when that is all he did.

Someone told a member of staff who then proceeded to make an announcement over the voice address system telling the chap to stop urinating and that what he was doing was illegal. At this point my train arrived and when I glanced across at the other platform the man had disappeared. I assume he was either dragged off by some London Underground staff or realised that there were toilets at that station anyway, which were preferable to his previous choice of toilet facility.

You really do get to see everything in London- and believe me yesterday I really did see *everything*.


*I may be being generous here but I think he was perhaps oblivious to his audience and was just thinking that because the platform he was on was empty therefore no-one could see him.