I was talking to my mum a couple of nights ago and for some reason she suddenly told me that when I was being born she had to have an episiotomy (if you don’t know what one is then perhaps you should ask your mother. If she gives you an evil look then she probably had one too). She then added – “And without an anaesthetic!” Apparently she can still remember the pain now. I did explain that although I was there at the time, I really couldn’t quite remember it, but was sorry for any inconvenience. She assures me she has forgiven me but that any presents I wish to give her would ease the pain. Most generous of her.
The conversation got worse though...
Mum: Your father’s just come into the room and he’s naked
Me: Erm, thanks for telling me. I don’t think I really wanted to know that.
Mum: Believe me being at the other end of the phone is preferable to actually being able to see him with no clothes on.
Me: Erm, yep, I think you’re right there.
*Parents then proceed to have a minor disagreement because dad can’t get to his pyjamas as mum is sitting in the way. Mum passes him his pyjamas*
Mum: *dissolves into laughter and can only speak incoherently*
Me: Should I ask what just happened?
Mum: *still laughing lots* I can’t tell you, I just can’t explain. I’ve got to go.
Me: I think I’m going to go deaf as a result of this conversation.
*Mum laughs even more and hangs up*
Isn’t there just something totally morally wrong about that conversation? Apparently I am too old to call Childline though. Should you speak to me in the street and I totally ignore you, I apologise. It’s the deafness.
4 comments:
Ewwwwwwww! I sympathise. But, be grateful that you didn't actually *see* anything nasty.
I was traumatized for years. *shudders at the memory*
Believe me just being on the other end of the phone was enough of a trauma.
You have my sympathies for your own traumatic experience. Parents have a lot to answer for...
Didn't Larkin write a poem about that sort of thing? *shudder*
(having said that, I quite like Adrian Mitchell's saccharine-ironic version...)
This Be The Worst
By Adrian Mitchell
(after hearing that some sweet innocent
thought that Philip Larkin had written "they tuck you up, your Mum and Dad")
They tuck you up, your Mum and Dad
They read you Peter Rabbit, too.
They give you all the treats they had
And add some extra, just for you.
They were tucked up when they were small,
(Pink perfume, blue tobacco-smoke),
By those whose kiss healed any fall,
Whose laughter doubled any joke.
Man hands on happiness to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
So love your parents all you can
And have some cheerful kids yourself.
*sigh*
That's brilliant. Really made me laugh! Particularly given the original version.
That's quite made my day.
Thank you.
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