Friday, January 05, 2007

Contacts

Well, I said that I would try and explain what happened recently with my friend. I don’t know what to say about it though really. Basically, my friend got in touch but I’m not sure why really - maybe it was just in the Christmas spirit? Anyway, it was nice of her to get in touch, but it was not to broach some kind of reconciliation, so again I say that I’m not really sure why.

Anyway, the result of some brief correspondence was that she had a massive go at me and basically accused me of various things and, as rubbish as I was already feeling about the situation, I ended up feeling much worse. The thing is that I don’t think my friend had intended to be horrible. I think she just thought she was being honest and straightforward, but there was no positive spin to put on what she said and it seemed that she could not find one good thing to say about me. Not for the first time, I was stunned and couldn’t quite believe that after her telling me that we were not going to be in contact any more that she then got in touch with me and was then totally horrible to me.

The thing is that I can see my faults very clearly. I look back on that friendship and know that I did not behave well and was already feeling bad enough about it all, but I would never have got in touch with my friend because I didn’t want to be kicked in the teeth again or to have all my failings described to me in detail.

In my friend’s defence (and I’m not actually trying to be horrible about her here anyway) she did subsequently apologise for what she had said and said that she hadn’t meant to upset me, but the thing is that it doesn’t mean that she didn’t *mean* what she said. She still thinks that I am a pretty bad lot - and I’m not really trying to argue the point. But it doesn’t do a lot for your confidence to have someone say the things that she did and the whole situation has made me wary of friendship, not because I don’t think people are worth getting to know but because I just feel as though right now I am not sure that I feel like I quite trust myself in terms of how I deal with people. What if it turns out as miserable as this situation has? I know my confidence will come back but I just need a bit of time.

Over the last few weeks I didn’t talk to anyone about how I was feeling about it all but on New Year’s Eve a friend came over and I talked to her about it and that really helped. She didn’t say the usual platitudes of “I’m sure none of those things are true” and what a wonderful person I am etc (which obviously I am really...). Instead she just said that even if every single one of those things levelled at me were true, we all probably have people who come into our lives at one time or another who bring out things in us that are not great or admirable, but sometimes that’s just life and as long as it isn’t what we are generally like then you learn a bit from it and you move on, which indeed I will. I just suspect that at times there are easier learning processes.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry to hear that you were kicked in the teeth twice by this friend, no one deserves that....
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Try not to allow this or past experiences to influence your future friendships...
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As an aside, when hanging a door measure twice, cut once.... (I didn't today, now to find a solution to the problem , I think chocolate is called for.... TF

Random Reflections said...

Well, I don't think my friend actually did it deliberately. I think she did originaly get in touch to be nice but then realised she had a few other things to say! I wasn't entirely thrilled by it.

I think it's just made me feel very cautious though, in a number of different ways.

Oh dear on the door-hanging front. I shall have to consider carefully if I would be willing to allow you to do carpentry for me now.

My blog seemed to disappear this evening but after a bit of messing about I have got it to reappear. Very odd.

Zanne said...

A wonderful friend of mine who actually died last March once gave me very wise advice. He told me to intentionally surround myself with people who build me up. Seemed selfish to me at the time and then I realized that he was right. I deserve to have loving supportive people in my life and so do you! Here's to a happy new year filled with loving and supportive friends!

Random Reflections said...

Zanne - Thanks. Those are certainly wise words and I'll see if I can aspire to that in 2007. I suspect my friend would think she should equally apply that as well!

Anonymous said...

God that would be awful if you lost your blog...
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Sound advice from Zanne...
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The door is now firewood...
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Have a great weekend.

Random Reflections said...

I have got most of my blog archived and would get it back online somehow, somewhere... The template got corrupted last night it seems - maybe it's Bloggers way of trying to force me on to the beta version.

I hope you have sorted the door problem by other means.

You have a good weekend too.

Anonymous said...

I always thought a true friend never saw any faults at least mine dont.

Random Reflections said...

I think a true friend accepts us as we are - but I guess if I were doing something really unwise then in those circumtances I might hope a friend at least talks to me about it. But preferably without entirely assassinating my character!