Dutch courage

Sadly it is my last day of leave, as it is back to work tomorrow. It seems to have gone by so quickly. I spent the day with my mum, sister and nephew, which was good. My nephew is 9 months old and is very cute. I am also now the proud owner of a shiny new DVD recorder. Woo-hoo! I shall wire it up later.

Anyway, on other matters, recently I was thinking about the fact that I don’t drink alcohol. I have seen the ill-effects of alcohol consumption too many times to have much interest in it.

However, there are some things that I think maybe I lose out on by not drinking. The main thing is that my inhibitions are never lowered. On the whole that is probably a good thing, I am never going to wake up next to someone and think "I don’t even know who you are". I also don’t end up giving away people’s secrets in some drunken moment. But it does mean that I am always looking at the world from the same, entirely sober, perspective.

I am someone who is reasonably risk averse. That has changed to some degree over the last few years because I think as you get older you reach a point where you realise that if you aren’t willing to take risks you will end up achieving nothing. Doing anything new involves an element of risk because there is some unknown element within it and you just have to work out which risks are worth it. I suppose that’s where the problem comes into it for me though. As I have just said, I have to "work out" whether it is worth the risk, there is always that element of analysing it. It never seems to be totally off the cuff. That’s not entirely true, there are times when I have done stuff because the opportunity has presented itself, such as a sky dive in New Zealand a few years ago. If you ever get the chance you should do one, it was fantastic.

Anyway, if I am having dinner with people, I can see them relax a bit more when they have had a drink. Whereas sipping a diet coke doesn’t have quite the same effect. I am generally reasonably shy, when people have known me for a while they say they don’t think that is true. People at work also find it odd if I say that because I can stand up in front of a couple of hundred people and give a presentation without it worrying me. But I don’t think that is the same thing, my shyness comes from unfamiliar situations. Meeting new people brings out my shy side, so that doesn’t apply when I have known someone for a while, and if I am giving a talk, I usually know the topic reasonably well and so my confidence comes from the familiarity of knowing my subject. Networking should be a big part of my job, but I hate it so much and sometimes think that maybe a glass of wine would make it slightly more bearable and give me the ability to relax a bit more whilst making small talk with people I have never met before.

Often people only say things when they have had a bit to drink. I went to the pub with people after work on the day I finished for Christmas. As I was leaving I stopped to say goodbye to my colleague K and thanked her for being such a good friend over the last few months. She is the person I called when I bumped into the ex a couple of months ago and we sat in the cafe at work and I cried and she gave me words of wisdom. One of my other colleagues overheard what I was saying to K at the pub and made some comment about needing to be drunk to say what I was. I wasn’t actually saying anything very profound, I was just saying thank you in my usual stumbling way. Somehow though it seems more acceptable to compliment or thank someone when you have had a bit to drink, and people think you are a bit weird if you do it when you’re sober.

So that seems to make my choice to either take up drinking so that I can tell people I appreciate them, or to remain sober and be silent. Isn’t that more strange? I guess at least people know I am sincere when I say things. However, it means that I have had to learn to pay someone a compliment just because I want to, rather than having a bit of "Dutch Courage" to encourage me. Being sober can therefore be a challenge in its own way, as you never have an excuse to do or say things. I try and push myself anyway to show people a bit of appreciation and respect if I feel that I should say something, but sometimes it would be good to have a bit of help!

As you can tell, I also obviously have the ability to ramble without the need for a drink...