Unfortunately, my tube journey was totally unaffected by the tube strike so I made it into work. Actually, when I say “totally unaffected” that is not entirely true. There were less people on the tube so it was more pleasant than normal but the roads were in chaos. I would not want to have been one of the community support officers directing traffic near where I work. Absolute mayhem. I shall keep an eye on the station closure in the vague hope that the situation may worsen and therefore provide me with an excuse to leave work early.
Anyway, with thanks to Annie Mole at the London Underground Tube Diary, here are some amusing announcements that may lighten your spirit if you have had a bad journey to work, or if you don’t live in London make you even more grateful that you don’t.
"A friend of a friend (etc..) worked as a station assistant at Warren Street station and one day whilst making a public announcement re busking/begging on London Underground, got the two slightly confused and came up with the following gem: "London Underground would like to remind everyone that buggering is not allowed at any Underground station!"
"Will the lady going down the escalator please lower her umbrella. It doesn't rain underground".
From the station announcer to a bunch of schoolkids on the platform:"You lot sitting where you think I can't see you - put that fag out, what would your parents think?"
"My friend was waiting the other night for the Northern Line when the tannoy burst into life with the following, which I think sums up British understatement: "When the gentleman urinating on Platform 3 has finished, would he ask the attendant for a mop and bucket. Thank you"
Heard from someone's college days with the wacky prank of pretending to teeter on the edge of the platform: "Will all passengers wishing to kill themselves please do so at a different station. Thank you."
"Could the guy who has decided to defecate at the end of Platform Two, now please be aware that all the rest of the passengers waiting for their trains know you are there and you will have to walk past them to leave the station. There is no other means of escape."
In the mornings there is always a delay with the change of drivers at Rickmansworth on the Metropolitan line and one morning a commuter found out why from the station announcement: "Mr Adams would you please stop gassing to Mr Farnham and get this bloody train out of the station".
"This is the Line Control Room at Baker Street. The Bakerloo Line is running normally today, so you may expect delays to all destinations."
There are many more such delights on Annie’s site here or you can read her blog here.
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