Reason?

I was thinking about the story reported in the media this week of the man who killed the teacher Philip Lawrence not being deported to Italy. It might first be worth declaring a personal interest here – I used to be quite good friends with one of Philip Lawrence’s daughters (before he was killed), so this isn’t merely an academic exercise, but it does maybe reinforce the need to try and be objective about it.

I can see that there are reasons it might be preferable to deport him, but I am also struck with the fact that whilst he holds an Italian passport he hasn’t actually lived there since he was 6 years old – and has been in prison since he was 15. Sending someone back to a country that they have not been to since they were a young child seems curious to me.

Somehow this brought case to mind of a man who was deported to the UK from Canada back in 2000 (I have no idea why this was squirreled away in my mind…) and it’s interesting to look at the story and how people reacted to that. If my maths is right he was nine years old when he went to Canada. He then committed a horrific murder, served a long sentence and on its completion was deported to Italy where he had no links at all. So he will be in an unknown country (can he even speak Italian?), have no job, no family ties (as his family is in the UK) and presumably there will be no form of supervision because he did not commit the offence in Italy. Does that sound reasonable?

The other thing is that the Human Rights Act has been cited as the villain in all of this, but it is actually a piece of EU law that the UK voluntary signed up to that has meant that this ruling was made. It’s not about whether the killer or the victims’ family have the greater human rights, the issue arose because the UK signed up to a piece of EU legislation that it implemented last year which means that reinforces the right to freedom of movement within the EU – and therefore if an EU citizen commits a crime in another country and has been resident there prior to the offence that country then has to demonstrate the person is a continuing risk upon release in order to have a strong enough case to deport them. That has nothing to do with the Human Rights Act – and it strikes me that in the times that we now live, we shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss the Human Rights Act - because if we do, one day we may look back and wish we had not been so willing to give away something that could equally have protected each of us in times of need.

Whilst this particular case is not about human rights, let me leave you with a quote I have used before on human rights which might give pause for thought on whether we should dismiss the Human Rights Act so easily. It is from Amnesty International Secretary, Irene Khan:

“Human rights are for the best of us and the worst of us, for the guilty as well as the innocent. By failing to protect the rights of those who may be guilty, governments endanger the rights of those who are innocent, and put all of us at risk.”

A load of balls

So, all my deliveries from e-bay have turned up, except one... I contacted the seller (who is actually a business) and he said that he is waiting for his stock to arrive. Methinks his customer service leaves something to be desired. Looking at his e-bay reviews whilst everyone praised the quality of his product there were some who said how slow delivery was - although others said how fast it was. Anyway, they're due to be sent out today.

One of my other purchases was some ecoballs. The jury is still out on this product. The basic principle is that you use them instead of detergent. You put the three balls in your washing machine and they are meant to wash your clothes as effectively as if you had put washing powder in the machine - but due to the lack of washing powder and fabric softener your clothes smell of nothing (although they do smell fresh and clean) when you take them out of the machine.

I am not a scientist (actually G is so perhaps I should commission a full scientific appraisal of them) but am slightly sceptical of why they work, if indeed they really do. Lots of people rave about them on the internet, but then there are a lot of people on the internet who claim to have seen Elvis alive and well or that they have been abducted by aliens - not everything on the internet is to be believed you know.

You're meant to do your washing on a low temperature (I think ideally 30 degrees) and use a fast wash (I think ideally 30 minutes) and if you add the ecoballs the washing should come out clean. But... if I did my washing with no detergent or ecoballs would they come out any less clean than by adding the ecoballs, is my question (I guess I could test this)? I guess time will tell anyway, if I end up with lots of very grey looking clothes.

I saw a few comments about Jeremy Vine not challenging a thug on the underground. Annie Mole writes about it here. I don’t know what I would do, chances are though not a lot, although I would consider pulling the emergency alarm. A couple of weeks ago though G was n the tube and a blind man was letting his hands wander over the leg of the women sitting next to him. The woman then moved away and sat somewhere else and then another woman got on the tube and sat there and the same thing happened again. So G went over and asked the blind guy if everything was ok and the man said things were fine so then G said that he appeared to be putting his hands on the woman beside him and that perhaps he should stop. I think the bloke made some mumbled response and stopped temporarily, the woman then moved away and I think he then tried it again when another woman sat there. Then the chap got off the tube and walked off. Yay for G though! Although I guess you are less likely to get assaulted by a blind guy, although if he’d had a guide dog it might have been set to kill. But yay for G for challenging someone acting inappropriately on the tube!

The games people play

Well, it was a lovely long weekend down by the seaside. I actually got back on Monday and then G and I both took Tuesday off work too, so we didn’t have to come back from a break and then be rushing about thinking of getting back to work. The weather was not great while we were away but we were right on the sea front and could watch the boats going past from the comfort of the sofa. We did also manage to get out 10,000 steps in on Sunday though which helped to work off some of the calories from the really nice Italian ice cream we had the same day.

We ate lots of nice food while we were away and cooked some of it ourselves which meant that we didn’t spend the *whole* time rolling from one meal to the next. G had the two days off for free – meaning that it didn’t come out of G’s leave allowance and we also were staying at a friend’s place for free so it was a very cheap time away and a good break. So hopefully I will make it through the rest of the working week.

G and I managed to keep ourselves amused in the car on the way there and back by playing the ‘transporter game’ which means that every time you spot a transporter you have to shout out “transporter” and if you saw the sea you had to shout out “I can see the sea”. They are very technical games, as I am sure you can tell. G also decided that every time we saw a tree you had to shout out “tree”. There are a lot of trees about…

I also made the mistake of singing in the car, which included the song “A you’re adorable, B you’re so beautiful, C you’re a cutie full of charms…” and so on right the way through the alphabet (with a few cheats along the way). G rather took this song to heart and throughout the weekend I’d hear G breaking into song with a more personalised version “A I’m adorable, B I’m so beautiful” and so on… there’s nothing like having a positive image!

Lightweight

I have come to the conclusion that the reason I get so tired is… wait for it… no really… here we go… because… I don’t get enough sleep. I can tell that you’re shocked by this very important scientific discovery and are wondering how I can possibly have stumbled across this groundbreaking conclusion. It’s just one of my many talents, that’s all I’m willing to divulge on the matter.

Actually what I mean is that I thought if I got eight hours sleep a night then I should be fine the next day, but I’m coming to the conclusion that actually I need a good eight and a half hours sleep in order to feel properly refreshed, which means being in bed by about 10.30pm or so. I am such a lightweight. Mind you, when I shared a house with a friend a couple of years ago she used to go to bed really late and then complain how tired she was the next day (*every* day). I’d ask why she didn’t just go to bed earlier and she said that she wanted to make the most of her evenings and by going to bed early that just benefited work and not her. I always used to query this with her and say that I went to bed earlier because it made me feel better and work might benefit form it too but ultimately I just felt more awake and capable. I can’t stand that fuzzy feeling you get in your head - and I’ve been getting it a lot recently – when you’re tired. I think I also need to get my eyes tested though. Old age is catching up with me I think, failing eyesight and going to bed earlier and earlier.

Anyway there is plenty of time for rest and relaxation this weekend as G and I are off to the coast again. We’re going to stay in a friend’s house and not do a lot. We’re going tomorrow morning and coming back on Monday and then we’re also both taking Tuesday off work – just because we can. So I shall dig out my bucket and spade again and will pray for sunshine. See you when we get back.



Oh and it seems that today is post 600. 600! Thank you for persevering with me...

Going nuclear

Last week I had a strange dream. It wasn’t really a nightmare as such but I was dreaming that a nuclear bomb went off and I knew about it before it was going to happen (I’m not sure how or why, but it wasn’t because I set it off!) and I was trying to get away from it and it was bit like one of those films where people are trying to outrun on a tornado – I have no idea whether I succeeded… *gulp*

Anyway, I woke up in the night because of this but instead of it being because I was scared, it was actually because I was weighing up in my mind who I was going to tell about the bomb going off and my mind was sort of flicking back and forth through time and at points it was before the explosion and at others it was after it had happened and my brain was trying to process whether I was putting people in more danger by telling them to flee and if they might just be safer staying where they were. I think only I, when dealing with a catastrophic event, could be there processing the pros and cons of informing various people, including running through a list of some people to tell (*you* were on the list of course *and* you made it out safely, so don’t have nightmares) and trying to risk assess the impact of informing people at various stages during an incident. *shakes head in despair*

Foxing

My neighbour came round to see me last night with yet another list of questions that she thought I might know the answer to – and as it happened I did know the answer to most to them. They were things to do with the freeholder and so on. She also said that she really wants to do some exercise at the moment and was wondering if I might be interested in joining her, to which I replied that it was rather good timing as I was just on a fitness regime myself (another 40 minutes last night folks!). She’s off on holiday for the next couple of weeks but then I think we’re going to do something when she gets back. She also told me that she thinks the garden next to hers, which is totally overgrown and untended, has a family of foxes living there which she quite regularly sees wandering about in the mornings. My neighbour is now feeling paranoid that there is a whole range of wildlife living there as well and basically is hoping someone (not sure who!) will sort the garden out and deal with any creatures that live there.

I think I might have turned the corner on feeling totally worn out from the exercise. I went to bed earlier than normal on Monday night and felt much better when I woke up yesterday morning and then did some more exercise last night and felt fine after it – although I did flag a bit mid-exercise. Anyway, hopefully I will be able to keep this up and really begin to reap the benefits.

There was a letter in last night’s London Paper which said “The McCanns should go home and leave others to enjoy their holidays. There are many missing children – what makes them so important? They left their babies alone, out of sight and earshot, advertising the fact by returning. It’s time they started facing up to that and living with what they did to poor Maddy”. I just can’t quite get my head round that letter. I do think it is bizarre how much publicity this case has got but I think that just reflects the concerted effort that her parents have put in to find her and they obviously have good connections to make the most of the media. Does the person who wrote that letter really expects that McCanns to say “it’s been about 3 months now, she hasn’t turned up, to be honest we’re just causing a nuisance now and people should just be allowed to enjoy the sunshine. Let’s forget about finding out daughter and instead we’ll go back to the UK and wallow in out own guilt” I don’t think any family would look at their child going missing in such circumstances and just walk away form trying to find them – and as for why this little girl is so special, surely that is a question for the media. As out of proportion as I think all the media coverage of this is, all it says to me is that her parents are desperate to get her back, which is perfectly understandable, and that it would be good if other cases were able to get an even tiny amount of the exposure that this case has, but I don’t think you can knock the McCanns for trying to find their daughter.

I got an e-mail from a friend on Monday and she said that her sister in law had been at the park with some other mums and their children. One of them went off to change her child’s nappy and they then came back and joined the group. A few minutes later this woman realised that her young child was nowhere to be found, so my friend’s sister in law rushed off to get the park keeper (do you get park keepers any more??) to shut the gates and they then started searching the park. There were some women sitting in the café and they had a small child with them and they insisted the child was theirs – but actually it was the child that had gone missing. I guess by getting the park gates shut the women couldn’t escape with the child and so hoped that they could somehow abduct him by pretending that he was theirs. Quite scary really.

Pondering again

This exercise thing is soooooooooo tiring… I feel exhausted at the very thought of doing it, but I’m persevering. Last night I did some but began to run out of steam after while and my poor legs were starting to rebel. I know exercise is meant to be good for you but I think that one day I will be found drowning in a pool of my own gentle glow* the dying words that will pas my lips will be “I know… I know... what doesn’t kill us makes us stro….” Make my eulogy good please.

Bizarrely, having spoken to a friend last week about his families’ reaction to his girlfriend moving in with him, I got an e-mail from another friend yesterday who was telling me in a confessional sort of way that she is seeing a chap who is divorced. She wasn’t entirely sure how I would react – not because I am some particularly hard line person who tells my friends off (!) but because she comes from a similarly strict church background to me and just didn’t really know what I would say. I sent her an e-mail back and said that it was fine and she shouldn’t worry about what I think. She has had some very negative reactions from people and I think was just uncertain if she was going to face some more.

I look back on the church I went to as a teenager and realise how controlling it was. We were entirely banned from drinking alcohol (and people abided by this) and most of our socialising was at our youth leaders’ house. The very thought of having a party that involved slow dancing was unheard of! I don’t resent those times, I think it gave me a very strong sense of right and wrong (although I see a lot more grey now then I ever did then), which hopefully makes me fairly ethical and has saved me from many a mistake that I might otherwise have made. In my life I have few regrets and those that I have tend to be about things that have not worked out rather than wishing I hadn’t done something.

What my friends getting in touch has highlighted to me though is how if the church takes a really hard line on things, even those who are part of the church are fearful of the consequences. If church, is meant to include things like confession (I don’t mean in the catholic sense, my background is in the ‘free church’) - and forgiveness then how come people are so scared to be honest? It troubles me, and my friend and I had a bit of a discussion by e-mail about it and I’m sure we’ll return it again. I just can’t quite my head round why somewhere that is meant to be about acceptance (although not finding everything acceptable) seems to now be having an effect on a number of people that I know of and making them fearful of what sort of reaction they will receive to things that are going on in their life. I’m not knocking the church, I am just perplexed by things that go on and wonder if the church will be able to continue to meet people where they’re at. If those within it are fearful of being themselves or making ‘mistakes’, what must those outside think?

*Horses sweat, men perspire, but ladies gently glow - as they say.

To infinity and beyond

It turned out to be quite a busy weekend. G’s niece was visiting so we didn’t see each other but I managed to occupy my time anyway.

Saturday I met up with my sister and we had a chat and a coffee and wandered around a few shops – not that I am a wander around the shops sort of girl but I don’t mind if there are specific things that need to be purchased. I just hate browsing.

I was fairly industrious most of the rest of the weekend and repainted a couple of doors in my hall that I wasn’t very happy with and ironed a couple of tops I had been ignoring for ages, I hemmed a pair of trousers and discovered e-bay… What exciting things did I buy on there? Some light bulbs, radiator panels and some eco-balls. I’ve been kind of curious at what eco-balls are like but have been put off by the price but there were some that were an absolute bargain on e-bay so I bought them. I see I am going to have to show some self control.

I was also talking to my mum over the weekend and she said that she thinks they should get some more energy efficient bulbs so I am going to go round to their house soon and carry out an audit of their light bulbs and see how many we can replace with energy saving bulbs. This post today just sums up how exciting my life is…

However, on a more exciting note – I saw the space shuttle orbiting earth last night! I think it is currently coked with the International Space Shuttle at the moment and so is particularly visible. So I stood in the dark in my garden at just gone 10pm last night and looked up into the sky and spotted it. It basically looks like a fast moving star and should being moving from west to east. If you want to try and spot it tonight you should be able to see it at 10.26pm – or you can look at the schedule for London for other opportunities. You need to keep your eyes peeled though because my sister and I live maybe 40 miles apart and we spotted it at the same time. If 10.26pm tonight is after your bed time, you should be able to see it tomorrow at 9.15pm (in London). If you live elsewhere, then check here for your country/ city.

It was actually quite impressive looking at the night sky anyway. It’s a rare thing (for me at least) to spend time just staring at the night sky. As my eyes got used to the darkness, more stars became apparent and it was just really amazing looking at its vastness. As the quote says, “The night sky is a miracle of infinitude”.

Shame

I did 40 minutes of fairly decent exercise last night – 40 minutes! I was just glad that G phoned at that point to save me from collapsing in a heap on the floor. Still I feel as though it did some good and it showed me that I am reasonably fit already and just need to actually do some exercise in order to build on that.

I phoned my friend S last night and had a bit of a chat with him. I hadn’t spoken to him in ages, partly just through circumstance and partly because it was easier, for a variety of reasons. Anyway when I had dinner with a friend on Tuesday night he told me that S’s girlfriend had moved in, which is what had prompted me to give S a call. I realise to most people this is not a big thing, but we both come from the same somewhat strict church background and doing this is comparable to saying that you have killed someone. I asked S what his parents had said and apparently his mum cried and then in a later conversation said that she wouldn’t be mentioning this to anyone in the wider family because it was rather shameful.

I actually used to live with his parents and they are really lovely people, they just have quite strong views about certain things. However, they do also love their son a lot and that is what will have motivated their response but will also be what will encourage them to find a way to accept this turn of events. He has had some really difficult things to deal with over the last few years and I am just glad that he is able to move forward with his life and I just told him that I was really pleased for him.

I also spent a bit of time talking to him about some things that are going on in my life at the moment and he was really great about it all and I felt lots better after I had spoken to him. I guess it just showed me that if you pick the right people, you can be yourself and that’s ok. However, he did end the conversation by saying that we can be outcasts together, which is also good to know.

The sound of silence

Yesterday was such a tiring day when it really should have consisted of little more than sitting at my desk. I seemed to spend most of the day dealing with very irritating people who seemed to be refusing to do their job or doing it very badly. Anyway I got through the day and managed not to kill anyone. We’ll see if I can keep that up today, as the irritations are likely to persist.

I did do a good deed for the day though. One of my colleagues has a major leg injury and is in quite a lot of pain if her leg is not properly supported. We had put together a somewhat haphazard structure to help her until something more permanent could be tracked down and yesterday she found a suitable item, but getting it was the problem. So I said that I’d go and pick it up on my lunch break which involved a journey to South Wimbledon on the tube, a walk to a warehouse, and then making a return journey holding a reasonably heavy box that seemed to get heavier with every step. I will be doing an injury to her other leg if it doesn’t turn out to be suitable. I sent G an e-mail to say that I had gone to pick up a stool for a colleague and then had to clarify that this was a *foot* stool rather than me going to pick up an intimate sample.

I met up with G last night for dinner. G is very hyperactive and talkative at the moment having started a new job on Tuesday, which seems to be going very well. I sat there is dumbfounded silence at quite how much G could talk and hold a conversation but without me actually needing to say anything. I think the ratio was about 50:1 in how much I said! Anyway, G has lent me a phone so I am now able to hear the other half of the conversation if I make a phone call – which if G is on good form would be an awful lot of silence if I couldn’t hear what was being said!

I’m a bit mixed on the health and fitness thing. I got a lot of exercise yesterday going to pick up the stool, but the previous night had been out with a friend for a very nice biriyani, so was probably still in deficit. I did do a fair bit of walking yesterday anyway, but also ate a couple of biscuits at work – I just can’t seem to resist the temptation. I did have a reasonably healthy dinner last night as we went to Wagamamas. But much more work still needs to be done. I might do some work on another part of my life tonight as I might phone a friend I haven’t spoken to in ages who I think has some news to tell me which he is probably uncertain of how I will react to. In reality I think it is very good news, but I plan to phone him and see how long he takes to tell me before putting him out of his misery and saying that I knew anyway! Perhaps this is why we don’t speak very often…


Oh and I am wholeheartedly in support of this suggestion of banning Crocs on the tube (and more generally). I find them the most strange "fashion" item and can't see the appeal at all. What is the world coming to where is finds brightly coloured plastic shoes appealing. *realises I sound as though I’m about 90 and decides it’s best to leave it there*

Guilt: free

My mobile phone seems to have contracted a serious problem – that being if I make or receive a phone call, I can’t hear the other person unless my phone is on speaker phone. It took me a while to work out that it even worked on speaker phone though and so I may have phoned a couple of people, thought I hadn’t got through, said something highly inappropriate and then hung up on them. Nothing new there then. Anyway, I can’t upgrade my phone (for free) at the moment as I am only a few months into my current contract so G is going to lend me a phone until I decide what to do – and I am sort of hoping that by doing nothing that my phone might miraculously start working again. This is why I never attempt any DIY, I’d spend the whole time relying on faith to fix my electrics when a qualified electrician might be more effective.

I actually got a letter from my electricity company a couple of days ago telling me that they want me to pay them less money each month. My monthly payments are going to go down from £64 a month to £41 for my gas and electricity, which is very good news. I think that me using energy saving light bulbs and getting my hot water thermostat fixed etc might actually have really paid off and so I am going to see if I can do a few other bits that might cut my bills a bit more. I’ve been trying to track down some suitable energy saving bulbs for my kitchen and think I might finally have found some. I’m also going to get some insulation to go behind my radiators to try and reflect a lot more heat back into the room (this being more useful in winter but given the summer we have had, may come in useful before then…).

So now I need to track down some more energy saving light bulbs – I have had trouble finding some for spotlights and for a dimmer switch but have managed to find both of these now and just need to find the cheapest place from which to buy them and then hopefully that will save a bit more too. Whilst I would like to say that I am doing this to improve the planet, my motivation is far more about saving money because I figure why spend it on things like electricity when I could be spending it on much nicer things. However, if you are more altruistic than me and want to find out what your carbon calculation is then you can look here. The only thing I would say is that ti is not entirely helpful that it doesn’t give you any context for it – so whatever figure it comes up with should you think that is good bad or indifferent? Perhaps this doesn’t just help to calculate your carbon emission but also allows you to calculate your own level of guilt.

Size matters

Yesterday was one of those irritating days. My eyesight was a bit dodgy as I seemed to have a form of photo-sensitivity and when I looked at different sources or intensity of light it made my head hurt. This was not ideal as it could be as simple as looking at my computer monitor and then looking at my desk, which isn’t great for getting a lot of work done. I don’t know what caused it, but I’m hoping that today is a bit better. It’s about time I got my eyes tested, so perhaps I should do that sooner rather than later.

I also got to lunch time yesterday and realised that I had forgotten to take my lunch to work, so I had to go and buy a sandwich instead. However, I took this as an opportunity to get away from my desk and to go for a bit of a walk. I weighed myself on Sunday night and shocked by how much I weighed. Over the last few months I have put on about half a stone. Eek! So no matter how lazy I am, it is time to get my act together on getting a bit of exercise or I will start to get harpooned when people mistake me for a whale.

I went for a walk for about half an hour yesterday lunchtime and will try and do that as often as possible and for my birthday a friend gave me a couple of fitness DVDs (not as a hint I might add!) and it’s definitely time to get going on those. I could also be spotted walking home last night from the station counting the number of steps it took, seeing as you are meant to take about 10000 steps a day. My walk home is about 650 steps, so there’s quite a long way to go. I reckon I take about 3500 steps a day, not including any wandering about when I am in the office, so hopefully a lunchtime walk will get me rather nearer to 10000 steps.

They say that going out with someone can mean that you put on weight and I think that is definitely the case. Quite often at weekends G and I have a cooked breakfast (although it’s not fried and could be far unhealthier) and we just generally seem to eat a lot of food. In fact this week I’m meeting up with a friend for dinner tonight and I think having dinner with G tomorrow night. This is not good for the waistline. But, as I tell myself, a girl’s got to eat!

Anyway, my new regime (a grander title than it warrants) is going to consist of not eating all the biscuits in the office, a bit of portion control and some more exercise – and hopefully I will manage to return to more normal proportions soon…

Distances

Another weekend over and yet another nice time was had. G and I went to the Innocent Village fete in Regent’s Park on Saturday and that was a lovely day. We just mooched about for hours eating food, watching the entertainments and getting lost of freebies. My kind of day! I think it was quite a clever marketing ploy by Innocent as it should make really positive connections in people’s minds and so when they now see the product in shops I imagine it will make people far more likely to buy it – as does getting to try various free samples…

Over the weekend I was thinking about how I got through phases in my life where I seem to hold friends at arms length, which is not a great thing because sometimes you find that they end up totally drifting out of your life. I seem to be in one of those phases at the moment – one where I find it hard to let people in on my life. I am generally quite a private person – no matter what writing a blog may suggest(!) – and sometimes I like to just keep myself to myself. Often on the outside all seems well and I am perfectly communicative and friendly but if I am talking to someone and reach a point where they might start to chip below the surface then a wall goes up and, even though they might not necessarily realise that is what is happening, I just deflect all attempts for them to find out the real details of my life. It always sobers me a bit when I think about it, partly because I realise how easy it can be to push people away, to let them drift out of your life and sometimes I wonder if I will wake up one day and have pushed people away so far that our friendship is no longer in view.

I have a friend who I have known for years and I think she may not be entirely happy with me at the moment. We have the same birthday, so is unlikely to have forgotten when it was, and yet she sent my birthday card late and wrote the minimum possible in the card. She is someone I struggle with sometimes. Sometimes I think that she has this idea of who I am in her mind that if I ever really let her know the truth about me that she would just be so disappointed in me. I don’t even mean me revealing skeletons particularly, more that she just has this set idea in her mind and in my own way I feel a straitjacketed by that and just cannot be myself with her. She phoned me a few weeks ago and I said I’d call her back, but I haven’t – which is very unlike me. I just don’t want to have a conversation with her where I am talking to her for the sake of it and don’t feel that I can talk to her about the things that are really what I am about.

I need to think though because the strategy of keeping people at a distance is a foolish one, particularly if you are doing nothing to cultivate other relationships in your life that are more significant. Instead, what I am really doing is not dealing with it and I need to work out how to start doing that. Time to consider starting to make some phone calls me thinks. Maybe.

But on a brighter note- today is mine and G’s three monthiversary. Yay!

Perspectives

I’ve been trying to get my head round something I want to write here, so today is the day to give it a go – and be warned this is a *very* long post.

I have explained previously that there is a connection between my current, G, and my ex, A – something that really freaked me out when I found out because there should be no connection between them at all. They basically have a mutual friend (who I also know) and whilst I had hoped that it wouldn’t prove to be the case, as it turns out it has had a detrimental effect that there is this connection.

Basically this mutual friend was changing jobs and although G had previously been invited to her leaving do, we were both uninvited because A might be there. But not actually formally uninvited, it was actually done by G deliberately not being told the details of where the leaving do was etc. I was pretty put out by this for a number of reasons. First, G is being excluded from things because of someone I used to go out with. How can that be fair?

Second, G had mentioned the leaving do to me before the whole “uninviting” thing and I’d just instantly replied that I wouldn’t go because there was a reasonable likelihood A would be there. G had accepted that and it was fine as far as we were concerned. I wouldn’t mind seeing A in the slightest if I thought we would be civil to each other but I have no desire to go somewhere that might mean we end up in really awkward circumstances – and potentially ruin someone’s leaving do. The thing that bothers me though was the assumption that I am a problem by turning up at a leaving do, that just my very presence was an issue. I don’t know whether that was because there was an assumption that I would do or say something that I shouldn’t or if I was just not welcome, but unwelcome indeed I was – and so was G. This is a *really* good friend of G’s and so I think that was particularly harsh. I don’t mind missing someone’s leaving do, but I don’t think G should be left out because of someone from my past.

I don’t have a problem with someone being loyal to their friend – and do you know what? I am actually very loyal to A myself, even after everything. I don’t have an issue with someone trying to do the right thing by their friend, but this wasn’t the way to do it. It’s not dealing with the problem and instead hoping that it will all go away if you just stick your head in the sand. By not talking to G about it, we could both actually have turned up at the drinks anyway (because someone else had mentioned to G where they were) and then whatever this scenario was that was meant to be avoided could have happened by default. The sad thing is that I think it has damaged G’s friendship, which is just so needless.

There are other side-effects of it as well. I don’t know many of G’s friends, but the one I do know reasonably well basically indicated that I wasn’t welcome. That in itself is not a nice thing – that’s rejection, which is never pleasant. The other thing is that it makes me wonder what on earth she knows that makes her think I have to be banned from something? Have I been painted as some totally unreasonable or nasty or pathetic or stalker like person? Or some combination of all these things? Whatever it is, I guess it can’t be a very great picture that has been given of me – and I will still have to face her at some point unless I refuse to spend time with G’s friends, which isn’t an option. Incidentally, I don’t want to know what she has been told about me and will never ask. I have no desire to give my “side of the story”. I also know that G has never discussed it with this friend and wouldn’t. It’s just not great to think that someone knows potentially negative things about you.

Anyway, that leads on to another point though - if someone who already knows me sees fit to exclude me from something then what picture must that paint to G’s friends who either don’t know me or only vaguely know me? It doesn’t put me in a great light. So I basically feel that because of someone I used to go out with and who refuses to speak to me (even though I have tried to be amicable), I am having to prove myself to people who it should have no bearing on whatsoever. Great.

Another thing it demonstrates to me though is that if you just avoid dealing with things, it doesn’t mean that it goes away. Just because A refuses to speak to me it doesn’t mean that there is no issue to be resolved and just because someone else hopes that by not explaining the details of a leaving do that will be sufficient to avoid what might be an awkward situation, doesn’t necessarily make that the case.

How could this have been avoided? Well, most obviously A could just speak to me and then there isn’t an issue anyway. Alternatively the friend could have just explained the problem and then actually have realised that it wasn’t an issue anyway, as I wouldn’t turn up for a drink if I knew A was going to be there. I don’t actually deliberately put myself in situation where I am going to see A. I spoke to A if we saw each other on the street (for all the good that it did) but I never actively sought out a meeting between us.

Yes I sent a few e-mails as well- and I still don’t think that was the wrong thing to do. Not only did A and I have a relationship but A was actually my best friend and when the relationship came to an end I therefore lost my best friend as well. I could make many comments about the whole friendship side of it, about the promises A made etc, but I guess it makes no difference now. The thing I will say though is that the reason A was my friend and subsequently my best friend and we then had a relationship is that A is someone who I genuinely like and no matter what that will always be the case, as pathetic as that may sound.

The other thing that made me send an occasional e-mail was that I always knew the initiative would have to come from me. I knew A pretty well and that A’s instinct is to flee from difficult things, so I just tried to hang in there in the hope that even if A never took the initiative that maybe replying to an e-mail might be easier. But then almost a year ago now A sent me an e-mail that basically brought all communication to an end – and yet even so, I still have to defend myself; I have to explain to G why we are not welcome at a good friend’s drinks; I have to search through my mind for anything that I think A could possibly accuse me of and talk to G about it, to ensure that there is not something that undermines our relationship if I am cast as some terrible person. I’m not suggesting that I was blameless in what happened with A, but I did try to deal with things and to be amicable and I’m not going to apologise for trying to stick up for what I wanted, even if that was at odds with what A wanted.

To me what it comes down to is perspective. A could have painted me as the worst person ever and yet I could explain exactly the same circumstances from my perspective and each of us could gain equal amounts of support for our point of view (not that I am looking for people to be on my “side”). What makes the difference is the context in which you explain it. When we split up, A and I were going through different circumstances and also chose to deal with things differently. That changes each of our perspectives and how we might explain what happened. A probably thinks I was unreasonable, but equally I could say the same about A. I don’t say this to apportion blame, it’s just to highlight that what it comes down to it different people deal with things in different ways and that’s always been the basic issue here. Do I hope that one day that A will be willing to move towards something more amicable? Yes. Do I think that will actually happen? I have no idea, but I hope that A now looks back and knew me well enough to remember some of the good in me and that I keep my word which included saying that I would always be a friend.


I just don’t want that relationship, which to me was a good relationship and had a lot of positives in it, to be one that causes problems for either of us after all this time, but to a degree that isn’t within my gift. I'm not trying to be profound, I just sometimes wonder why this situation can't be resolved, I would reach out my hand to my friend if I thought it wouldn't start some new big argument, but I have nothing to suggest that A would be any more welcoming of me getting in touch than previously. I did as A asked and have not been in touch for nearly a year and yet still I am somehow being made out to be the bad guy here. Whatever I do, I seem to get a raw deal and that doesn't strike me as entirely fair. It would just be nice if A would meet me half way for once and we could move on to something a bit more positive.

Simple pleasures

I am feeling the effects of being back at work i.e. I am already really worn out. Mind you, I shouldn’t complain too much, two days this week I have been home before 5.30pm due to going to meetings near where I live. It’s funny because I get a great deal of satisfaction from being home in time for Neighbours. It’s not that I follow Neighbours any more or have any great interest in it but I think it reminds me of getting home from school and switching on the TV in time to watch Neighbours. It’s the little things…

Last night G and I were talking about finances. G is a bit short of money at the moment due to being between jobs and so I was suggesting a couple of things that might be good “income supplementers”. I think it will just be a temporary glitch, and hopefully G will be back on track soon, but what we’re also going to try and do is both try and get some money that is purely extra money and we can then spend it on going out for dinner etc. This is through doing things like yougov surveys – we can then spend it on doing nice stuff and there’s no need to worry about who pays etc because it just comes out of the “having a nice time” fund. I like this plan.

I also wrote a letter to my freeholder last night about building insurance. It’s due for renewal shortly and I reminded her that she can only levy reasonable charges and requested that she therefore get multiple quotes for the insurance – particularly as it doubled in cost last year. She is actually under no obligation to get multiple quotes etc, even though she does have to act reasonably, but I figure you don’t get if you don’t ask. I have decided that if she refuses to act like a freeholder I will just keep reminding her of her obligations and that she also gave her word (which at the time I knew to be worth nothing and have since been proven correct) to renew my lease. I am therefore just going to send her a letter every month prompting her and if she fails to respond keep on doing so until I hit the two year mark and will then serve papers on her. I am just seeing it as a game now – if she does as requested then I win and if she doesn’t then I have lost nothing, but at least I’ve given it a go.

Dissolution

Well, it turned out to be a lovely birthday. One of my colleagues greeted me by singing the Stevie Wonder version of Happy Birthday and people were generally very friendly and happy to eat my cakes. G came over and cooked me a really nice dinner and we ate more cake and had a good evening. So it was all good.

Another month of the year is over and already we’re into August. This year is just flying by and it’ll be Christmas before we know it. I did actually have some things that I want to say on this here blog but I need a bit of time to draw my thoughts together and so on. I was hoping for a bit of space to do that while I was on leave but it was all just so hectic that I didn’t have time to do anything but decorate and then spend a bit of time at the coast (it’s a hard life). Anyway hopefully I will blog those things soon.

I was thinking about the latest suggestion of giving co-habiting couples the same rights as those who are married and it has to be said that I don’t quite get how that would work. The cynical part of me says that all it will do is line the lawyers’ pockets. There are ( I assume) lots of cohabiting couples who if one of them dies the other then realises that they have no legal right to various things that had they been married they would have been entitled to – property, pensions etc etc. The thing is that if you don’t get married (or have some form of contract) how do you prove that you are entitled to it? Whilst there are some who would argue that they don’t need to get married to show their commitment and whilst people who get married aren’t necessarily any more in love or committed than couples that don’t the significance is that there is a formal contract as a staring point by which to then bring that relationship to an end (as perverse as that may sound). I can envisage a few complicated (and lucrative for lawyers) situations that could come up. First, that people spend months arguing when co-habiting began. Was it the day they ceased to each have properties or was it the day they started leaving a toothbrush at the other person’s house or somewhere in between? Second would be the scenario where someone becomes a serial cohabiter and takes each partner to the cleaners when they split up even if it has only been for a very brief period of time. The thing about marriage is that it draws a line in the sand and gets rid of the grey areas when it comes to formalising a relationship. Yes, it’s unromantic to think of it being useful to divvy up the goods in the event of a divorce but I don’t suppose divorce is that romantic either. There are also those who cohabit rather than marry because they enjoy the “benefits” of not having a legal contract – their stuff remains theirs even when the relationship comes to an end. I bet there are many people who when they realised the amount they lost on a divorce wished that they had never signed on the dotted line of the marriage certificate. It cuts both ways.

The thing is that people don’t plan for the worst possible scenario, they don’t plan to split up, they don’t live their life expecting their partner to die unexpectedly etc and that’s when cohabiting becomes a problem. People have lived under the deluded belief that there was some form of “common law partnership” that entitled them to things in the same way as those who were married. Surely the issue is therefore about educating people and making sure that they understand the difference between being married and just living together, people then make a choice and get the benefits (or otherwise) that go with that choice. I can’t see that changing the law is the answer because those who cohabit deliberately avoid entering into a legal partnership. Is it just me or is that not the significant point?

An Olympian Achievement

So I have finally made it to the grand old age of 20-12 (I’m still in denial about being over thirty). I don’t actually feel very birthday-ish and am going into work today which is even less birthday like, but I have bought cakes for the people I work with and will spend most of the day looking through the e-mails that will have accumulated in my absence and trying to do as little as possible. Tonight G is coming over and is cooking me dinner and I’m sure we’ll have a pleasant evening.

My mum dropped in last night and inspected my decorating, dishwasher and other recent additions to the household. She also brought round a present for my birthday, a birthday cake and a cheque to pay for the dishwasher! All very welcome. I might even save some of the cake and take it round to my parents’ house later in the week, but it is my favourite which is a Victoria sponge with jam and cream from M&S. Yum.

Right I’m off to open my stack of cards and eat lots of cake.

A good time was had by all

So, I’ve returned from my hols and it’s back to work today. Boo! But I’m not in the office today. Hooray! But that’s because I have to go and give a talk. Boo! I have mixed feelings about being back…

The time away was great. G and I go on really well and although there was mixed weather at times, generally we had sunshine when we needed it. We also stayed in a lovely guest house right on the seafront at Bournemouth and ate more food than I would ever have imagined possible, even by my standards. We just seemed to be continually eating and would start off each day with a really nice breakfast where we were staying, then roll off down the road to go and eat lunch, then go and have lie down for a bit to recover and then roll off down the road again for dinner. We spent most of the time in Bournemouth wandering along by the sea or in the town or up near Beachy Head, but we also went to Brighton on Friday and had a very nice (three course) lunch there.

It turns out that I have a fairly decent Glasgow accent (which is where G is from) and I spent large amounts of time scaring G with it or my Highlands accent, although it did on occasion turn into something from Newcastle. You see, if you run out of conversation you don’t have to fill the silence by proposing, you can just say the same thing again with an accent. It works for me anyway.

I actually felt a bit miserable when I got back last night and G went home. G is starting a new job in just over a week’s time and is off work until then and I am now going back to work, which is a bit annoying. Still I got loads done last week and am really pleased with the hall and the bathroom and the dishwasher, although, by comparison to the hall, the kitchen now looks dark, but I don’t think I can bring myself to repaint that. You’ll hear it here if I change my mind though. I bet you can hardly wait.

So, anyway, it’s off to work I go – and after my talk I shall spend the rest of the meeting thinking of the next place to go on holiday (oh and now I think about it tomorrow is actually my birthday so I imagine I may summon myself out of my stupor to celebrate). Anyway, in the meantime you can look at this site that in its own strange way seems to sum up my feelings about going back to work. Keep on clicking…

Success

The dishwasher is fixed! I had a day of frustrating phone calls to John Lewis yesterday and finding that the chap I had spoken to the previous day had done nothing with my call. Anyway eventually I spoke to a chap and he said I could have anew dishwasher to which I replied that I didn’t think I needed a new dishwasher and that the issue was to do with the installation and in the end I convinced him that an engineer was a better (and surely cheaper!) option. He then phoned and engineer and arranged for him to come out today – only he hadn’t asked me if I was available today and as I am off on hols this afternoon it wasn’t all that convenient. He basically said he had done what he could and I’d have to phone them myself if I wanted to fine out the time they were coming or to change it. That then meant more convoluted phone calls and the engineer said I’d have to phone back today to get the exact timings. THEN just before 7 last night John Lewis phoned and said they’d send someone out last night to look at it. Sure enough about an hour or so later the same people turned up as had previously installed it and they had a fiddle about for a few minutes and it was fixed! I then ran it and had beautifully clean dishes. I am *very* happy. It’s the simple things in life…

I was talking to G on the phone during the day yesterday and we were joking about my affair with John Lewis and we were talking about the rivalry between John Lewis and G and I said that g had a problem was because John Lewis was “my other love”. I suddenly realised what I had said and then felt the need to do a bit of back tracking – because by implication it was a declaration about how I felt about G (which incidentally is way more than any sort of declaration I would want to make at this time. It’s way too early for that sort of thing). I ended up sort of apologising but then I thought that it was sort of rude to apologise and it all got a bit complicated. Anyway, we just ended up laughing about it and changed the subject. Aren’t relationships complicated sometimes…

So, today I am off to the south coast until Sunday. We’re staying in what looks like a really nice guest house and even if the weather is a bit ropey I’m sure we’ll have a nice time. We’ve booked lunch at a restaurant in Brighton tomorrow and have a few other bits planned for our time away, but it should be a nice relaxing time away. Be good and play nicely and I’ll see you when I get back. Hopefully I won’t have accidentally proposed or anything while I’m gone *shakes head in despair*

The End of the Affair

The decorating is finished! Unless, I notice some bits that I have missed… But I’ve been very thorough and looked back over every wall and door etc and filled in any slightly dodgy looking bits. I am quite impressed with it and the hall is now much lighter and fresher looking and I feel as though the hard work was worth it (but I still hate decorating).

My only concern is the quality of some of the paint I used. On the walls I used Dulux paint but on the ceiling and doors I used Homebase paint. The difference between those paints was really noticeable when I was applying it. The Dulux paint was just much better quality and were I to do it again (!) I would use Dulux paint for it all (well maybe not the ceiling because that is a long way away and therefore less noticeable). I also used some special Dulux paint called “light and space”. To be honest I can’t really tell you whether it made a huge difference – the hall was darker (a deep peach) and is now a light cream colour so it is going to be lighter anyway, but it certainly seems quite bright and airy but it might have seemed like that anyway.

People who are in my life generally know that my heart is spoken for and the person in question is a Mr John Lewis. Normally I love him and can do know wrong. G has even questioned whether I am having an affair with him – I talk about him a lot, his number is programmed into my phone, I regularly receive phone calls from him, and I am often talking about checking out what he has to offer. But let me tell you people, the affair is OVER. In fact, I am even considering expressing my disappointment and disillusionment with John Lewis by way of a letter – yes, it is *that* serious.

So what has Johnny done to upset me so much? Well, it’s a few things. First, there was the damaged desk about a month ago. So I had all the hassle of taking it back and getting a new one, which took about a week to arrange. Then my dishwasher was due for delivery from them yesterday and they were due to deliver some time between 3 and 9 pm (!). They turned up just gone 3pm so that was great and they brought the dishwasher in and put it in the kitchen and then were heading for the door and just asked me to sign the paperwork as they were leaving.
“So…” I said “what is happening about installing it?”
“Oh we don’t install them” the man replied
“But I’ve paid for you to install it” I said
He scanned his paperwork. No record of it.
“Can you show me your paperwork please?” He replied.

Despite where I live being a complete state I did manage to easily locate the paperwork and show that I had paid for it to be installed. So he called his mate back from the van and they installed it for me and off they went. Great or so I thought. Although it did cross my mind that he had perhaps lied to me by saying they don’t install them – what with actually having installed it for me. But that might just be an extra thing the delivery men do if they have made a mistake and not technically their job though.

Anyway, I then set it all up and fill the dishwasher with dirty dishes and put it on. Two minutes later it stops and an error comes up. I check the error and it means that either the sink spigot is blocked or that the water hose has not been correctly laid or is bent or squashed. I pull the dishwasher out and have a look at the back and then try running it out on the middle of the kitchen so that there is no chance of the water drain hose being bent or squashed. The same error comes up. I try various things and still with no success. I phone John Lewis and get put through to the Service Department. I explain the problem he says that sound like an installation problem but I need to speak to Large Electricals. He puts me through to someone else I ask for Large Electricals she asks what I need to speak to them about and then promptly puts me back through to the Service Department again. I explain the problem to the chap there and he asks me various questions such as have I checked if the sink spigot is blocked or there is a problem with the water drain hose. I tell him I don’t even know what a sink spigot is, but that I know the water drain hose is not constricted. He says he’ll look into it and call me back – I have heard nothing since.

It just strikes me that Mr John Lewis is not performing. Let me point out his inadequacies:

- There was no record of me paying for installation.
- When they installed it, they didn’t actually test that it worked. When I had a washing machine and a cooker installed (not by John Lewis I might add, both were from independent retailers) the installers tested them and checked that they worked before they left.
- I have no idea what a sink spigot is and searched for it on the internet so that I could see if it was blocked but I could find nothing that explained exactly what it was. According to the chap at John Lewis it is where the dishwasher joins the water supply but there are two pipes that come out of the dishwasher and have various connections and I don’t know which is which. Using terms that it isn't possible for a layman to know what it is is pointless.
- BUT I paid for someone else to install it because I don’t know how to install a dishwasher – that’s why I paid for someone who *does* know to do it. If I end up having to fix the installation, what exactly did I pay for??
- Getting passed from pillar to post does not impress me and not getting a phone call back impresses me even less. If I had taken only yesterday off work, I would have no chance of getting this sorted in the near future, but time is ticking away Mr Lewis, tomorrow I am going away for a few days and I want it fixed before then!

Mr Lewis the affair is over. I might occasionally spend time in your company. Run my hands over your goods. Look at you wistfully. But I shall treat you with a healthy scepticism from now on, I shall expect nothing better of you than I would of Argos or Currys: Yes, I’ve said it and I hope that hurts. I showed you loyalty, I lavished money on you and in return you just showed me disdain. Well let me tell you hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. It’s a good job you don’t sell pets because your bunny rabbits would be in serious trouble*.




*no animals were hurt in the making of this production.

Almost there

I am nearly there with the decorating – all the doors, door frames and skirting boards are painted and I have to say that it look really good! I fixed a problem with the bathroom door which meant that the paint kept getting scraped off when it was closed and tightened the hinges on another door, so my DIY skills have had to stretch beyond wielding a paintbrush. I am going to go over a few bits and tidy them up and then I need to remove the masking tape which I am not looking forward to because I know that it will pull the paint off in a few places. Anyway, nearly there, nearly there… And… today the dishwasher is being delivered and installed. This is truly an exciting day!

A few minutes ago a chap came round to reads the meters and I got a very clear view of his very hairy bum as he leaned forward to read the meters. Charming…

So today is a day of finishing things off and tidying and maybe going to the library etc, but generally just feeling very pleased with myself about what I have managed to achieve with my hall. I do still utterly hate decorating though. Yesterday when I went and got my hair cut the woman pointed out to me that I actually had paint in my hair, which I knew and was just pleased that she didn’t think I had gone prematurely grey. Anyway, it will all be over soon and then I can do something more exciting with my leave than painting.

The floods at the moment are astounding. Where I live hasn’t been affected at all, but I guess the lesson is that even if you think that you don’t live near a river or that you’ve never been affected before that if the weather is bad enough you could still end up under several feet of water. (I’m hoping this is not the case as it would ruin the paintwork in my hall!) I feel though that there is maybe more coverage of these floods than the ones that took place in the north of England last month. I have a different perspective on it as I am off work and have had the TV on in the background, but we quite often have the TV on at work and I wasn’t aware of so much emphasis being put on it previously. I know that the floods are more extensive but I wonder if there is a risk that the news companies could be accused of a north-south bias?

Anyway, time to get dressed and get on with some more painting.

Relieved

It was a pretty successful weekend. I got all the walls painted and the bathroom door done – which only leaves *five* more doors and the skirting boards to paint. I am just glad there is no door on my kitchen…

Anyway, it’s all looking much better and when the doorframes are done, it should look really good. The chaps turned up at 8am to fit the lino or slightly before that actually. So they had the pleasure of seeing me in little more than a dressing gown. The new lino looks good but they didn’t have their sealant gun with them so they’re going to have to come back later to finish it off. So I think I’m going to go out in a minute to get my hair cut and then I can just be here painting until they’re ready to come and sort out the floor for me. It looks good already and so it will look even better when it’s totally finished.

The thing with someone doing work in your bathroom though is that your toilet is then out of action and I *really* wanted to go to the loo while they were here because I’d drunk a cup of tea and a cup of coffee since I got out of bed. So you end up in that dilemma of what to do: Are they going to finish soon so it’s worth hanging on? Should you ask them to let you use the toilet for a minute? Should you find a suitable alternative receptacle and use that instead? It’s a difficult one… *looks about suspiciously*

So, anyway, moving on… I’m off out for a hair cut and to buy some nappies to wear for when they come back later.

Ill

I am on leave as of the end of today, which must explain why I feel so unwell. Why does it always happen when you have time off work? I think I’ve picked up a cold from my boss and have a sore throat etc I did get an accusing (but joking) e-mail from G to ask exactly what I had been doing with my boss to have got a cold from him. I denied everything...

Anyway, my feeling ill did not aid my trip yesterday and the combination of a cold, having to get up really early for the second day in a row and the atmosphere on a plane, including a bit of turbulence to jolt about my tender frame made me feel very rough. I’m not always a huge fan of flying. It’s not that I find it scary or anything just sometimes when the plane is coming into land it makes me feel a touch nauseous. I sometimes take travel sickness tables because it takes the edge off it but I couldn’t find them yesterday. By the time I landed back in London I could feel that I had broken out in a real sweat and would have quite liked to have been sick, but fortunately after getting a bit of fresh air I was ok again. Must pack the travel sickness tablets next time though.

So an early night was planned for yesterday but then I was talking to G on the phone for a while and the school round the corner from where I live seemed to be holding some event that included the playing of loud music until quite late, so it wasn’t entirely easy to achieve this.

I seem to have many things rattling round in the dark recesses of my mind to comment on at the moment but I need to get my thinking together to do so, hopefully when I am off next week I will have time to do that a bit and maybe some of it will appear here. Now there’s something to look forward to – or perhaps not, but it has to be better than me writing about lino and painting my walls. Probably.

Water cooler moment

An early start today because I have to go to the airport and hop on a flight. I’m not going anywhere exciting, I’m not even leaving England let alone the UK. I know that probably isn’t very good for my “carbon footprint” but flying is the best option and so it’s off to the airport that I go and then I’m flying back this afternoon.

I was at the supermarket last night and the chap in the queue behind me bought 21 large bars of Dairy Milk chocolate plus some large mars of Milky Bar plus a five pack of Bounties. I really wanted to ask him what he was going to do with all the chocolate, but being a Londoner I resisted the urge. I was there buying some ice cream because I was off to a barbecue and I bought some Tiramisu ice cream and some chocolate ice cream both of which were really nice and we really had the weather for a barbecue yesterday so it was all good.

Someone I work with sometimes has a dog in the office with her. It’s a very young and slightly unruly dog and sometimes you’ll find it sniffing round our desk or wanting a stroke. I was talking to someone at work the other day and she was telling me that the water cooler in the office is out of order and is waiting to be replaced. Apparently the dog kept licking it and trying to drink the water out of it. I think I’ll be drinking tap water from now on.

Donkey madness

I think the ceiling is now done and it has to be said that it does look much better. It has gone from a strange off white/ dirty cream colour to brilliant white and is a big improvement. Next the walls... But not tonight, as I am off to a barbecue, so that will be a job for the weekend.

I am definitely on the count down to being on leave and today G booked a place for us to go and stay for a couple of days at the end of next week. I’m really looking forward to that and it looks like a really nice place. I just hope that the weather is slightly better by then. G was a bit concerned that it might be too late to get a room there but it didn’t seem too difficult and I suppose people have fled the country in search of the elusive sunshine. It will be good to go away as it will be a couple of days before my birthday and yesterday G got a new job. Woo hoo! A double celebration.

Whilst you might be aghast at the smoking ban, infuriated at the government seeming to tax every single thing that we do and considering lots of options to make us more environmentally aware, at least you don’t have a donkey (well I assume you don’t, maybe you do...). Anyway, if you live in Kenya then you’d have to be looking into putting a nappy on your donkey. Where you would actually get a donkey sized nappy from is another matter but it seems the plans have been put on hold due to people protesting about the move. One chap said "If we have to put nappies on our donkeys, soon they will say our cows need them too" wise words, wise words. It’s madness I tell you!

Brush off

So, I have finally started doing some decorating. Last night I painted my hall ceiling. It took about an hour and a half and reminded me that I hate, hate, hate decorating and I cannot understand why someone would want to do it for a living (although obviously I am glad that they do because then I might be able to employ them to do my decorating in future). It might need another coat tonight but I’m hoping that I did such a fantastic job that it only needs a bit of touching up in a few places. I hate decorating and I still have the walls, doors and woodwork to paint, as well as the separate task of painting my front door *puts head in hands and weeps*

It’s funny though, on the evenings when I engage with something I seem to get more done generally. Not only did I paint the ceiling but I also hoovered and cleaned out the vacuum cleaner and did some washing up and sorted a few other bits as well, whereas other nights I can sit at home and hardly have the energy to get up off the sofa. Everything in moderation though, I say, and I am sure I will spend many an evening making more of a dent in my settee in future.

I have a whole week off next week to do domestic chores, it is looking less and less appealing by the moment. Methinks I need to think for somewhere to go away to for a couple of days next week.

In tandem

Another tiring weekend. The wedding was good and, miraculously, the weather was lovely on Saturday and various people managed to get sun burned.

The wedding was at a large manor type house and it was a humanist ceremony, which I was entirely sure what that would involve, but it was a nice (and brief) service and then the couple dashed off to a registry office to make it all legal because the humanist ceremony had no legal basis, it was more their public declaration.

We all stayed at the house and drank and ate and soaked up some sunshine and then the couple arrived back about two hours later and cycled in on a tandem, which was very amusing. In the evening there was a hog roast and a ceilidh. I can assure you, I did not dance, despite G’s enthusiasm.

It was a nice enough day and very laid back. Had I gone to a wedding like that without knowing anyone there, I would have struggled because the formality of a sit down meal means that you are sat with people and usually end up chatting to them, but at this wedding you could wander round the grounds or in the house or do pretty much whatever you wanted and so if you were there without knowing other people, you’d have to have boldly gone up to people and started chatting to them. My idea of a nightmare come true…

Then yesterday we drove back through torrential rain and stopped for Sunday lunch on the way. I couldn’t believe the contrast in the weather to Saturday, but at least it was the right way round.

Today it’s back to work again but at least I know that at the end of this week I then have a week off – to do chores mind you, but I now have my dishwasher on order to arrive a week on Tuesday and so there is only one more week of washing up to be done. Yay!

One is very amused

Today is likely to be one of those days when I live up to my name of being random. First, what exactly is Prince Charles doing in that picture? I was laughing at it on the train home last night so I had to scan it on to my computer. Is it just me or does he look as though he is admiring more than that woman’s medals??

Yesterday morning I was talking to someone quite important on the phone and about a minute into the conversation I noticed there was a reasonably large spider walking across my desk. This was not the time to stand on my chair and scream like a girl, although I was sorely tempted to do so. Instead I rapidly pushed my chair back from my chair and tried to carry on tracking this spider’s movements whilst at the same time sounding vaguely professional on the phone. After what seemed like hours I finished the conversation and said to the woman I sit next to that there was spider somewhere on her desk at which point she leapt up and announced very loudly that she also can’t stand spiders and then dashed away from her desk. One of my nice male colleagues had a thorough search all around our desks but could not find it anywhere. *gulp* That got the adrenaline going first thing in the morning.

Yesterday I saw that Tintin has been moved to the adult section in some bookshops. Apparently one of the books Tintin in the Congo has some rather racist subject matter in it. Why do I raise this? Because about a month ago I gave someone a copy of that very book. Oops. In my defence I didn’t actually see the book in advance as I bought it via Amazon and it went directly to my friend - although I think I would have been oblivious anyway.

G and I are off to a wedding tomorrow, which I’m not particularly looking forward to, but I guess I get free food, so shouldn’t complain too much. They are friends of G’s who are getting married and I have never met them so we’ll see if I prefer going to the weddings of complete strangers rather than people I actually know. Can you feel my excitement?

Look away now

I went into the toilets at work the other day to be greeted by the sight of one of my colleagues in a somewhat compromising position putting on a pair of tights. I decided to avert my eyes and not comment – there are some things that one does not wish to know about a colleague and I think you can go blind from certain sights as well. It’s a bit like looking directly at the sun, best not to take the risk because the consequences can be serious.

Last night G sent me another job application form to look at, having stayed at work until 7.30pm to get it done. I probably could have been slightly better in my phrasing when I then phoned to talk about it and my summary was basically that the font size was inconsistent and some of the paragraphs didn’t flow properly one from the other (I did say it better than that). Neither of us could quite work out what had happened but it seems that somehow that was not the final version of the form that G had spent so long working on and it had reverted to a much earlier version. There may be much last minute work to be done on it today…

Anyway, here are two interesting websites. The first is what people around the world eat. For the people from Britain, I would ask two questions – where is Cllingbourne?? Also “Favorite foods: avocado, mayonnaise sandwich, prawn cocktail, chocolate fudge cake with cream” there is something that is very 1970s about that list, but also a mayonnaise sandwich?? They’re meant to be representative of Britain, so you might want to either revise your diet accordingly or consider lodging a formal protest.

There’s also this website. Who knew tampons could serve so many uses...

The Good and the Bad

There seems to have been a strange trend over the last week or so (if two things can be called a trend…) to attribute events to God’s judgment. The more recent of those is rather sad in its own way as Jade Goody has suggested that her recent miscarriage was God’s judgment on her actions on Big Brother. This makes a few assumptions, first that God watches Big Brother (an amusing concept, but I guess we all have to get our kicks somehow); that God pinpoints and punishes individuals as a direct result of particular actions; that God would do so by taking away one (arguably innocent) life in order to punish a bad action; and that God does in fact exist.

I do actually believe quite strongly in the existence of God and that he takes an interest in our lives, but I don’t believe that he is out to stamp on individual actions. No matter what Jade Goody may have done, I don’t see that God’s judgment is the reason for her miscarriage. Miscarriages happen for a whole range of reasons, not least that sometimes a pregnancy just isn’t viable, but that isn’t a reflection on anything or anyone, sometimes those things just happen. I guess sometimes we look for explanations and answers, but sometimes they just don’t exist. Pouring the wrath of God upon yourself though, doesn’t seem like the healthiest response though and not a good position from which to feel capable of moving forward.

The other instance was the Bishop of Carlisle being reported as saying that the recent floods were God’s judgment. I think some of what he said has been taken out of context* and was interpreted as meaning that the floods in Sheffield meant that the people living in Sheffield were particularly sinful – something that they were a bit miffed about. I don’t think that is actually what he was saying though. I think the Bishop was arguing that due to our actions and by living lives that are wasteful and where we don’t consider the consequences that we reap the whirlwind of that. So if we live in a disposable society where we buy a product and get rid of it when we are bored and add to the mountain of rubbish in landfill sites, if we fly thousands of miles on our holidays, if we drive too fast, if we become so insular that we don’t even know our neighbours - then there are consequences of each of those. But you actually don’t even have to bring God into it, isn’t there a law of physics that says “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. That’s Newton’s third law in case you are interested. I don’t think people particularly question Newton’s statement but if you bring God into something then people seem to get somewhat under the collar about it.

* I think he was accurately reported as stating that the increase in gay rights as one of the reasons for this, which is not particularly helpful (to say the least…)

Blaming individuals isn’t helpful but us as individuals accepting some responsibility for our own actions and considering that we might actually be able to make a *positive* difference, doesn’t actually strike me as being an unhelpful thing to point out to people. There are ways and means to say these things though, of course.

If all else fails

My tiredness continues, not helped by me having to spend most of the afternoon sitting through an extremely mind-bendingly boring meeting that ended up going on until 6pm. I almost lost the will to live and was in a bad mood for the rest of the evening. A friend sent me a text to ask if I wanted to meet up for a cuppa but I replied and said not because I felt too grumpy. We’re meeting up ion Thursday now, by which time hopefully I will have returned to serenity and be the picture of composure rather than wanting to kill anyone who crosses my path.

Anyway, I spent most of the evening sorting things out which included doing a massive pile of washing up (the dishwasher is almost ordered but there was a slight technical hitch in that it wasn’t in stock when I went to place my order. Grr…) and moving my computer from the living room to the back bedroom. The back bedroom still looks like a bomb has hit it so the next task is to get that into some vague order. This may take some time…

Tonight will not be the night to do that though as I am going over to G’s new place. Hopefully G will be feeling reasonably sane having has a job interview this afternoon. G has applied for various jobs and shouldn’t have a problem in getting one of them, but it is slightly unfortunate that the interview this afternoon is for the lowest paying one, but there’s another interview on Friday and I think there’ll be a few more in the not too distant future, so hopefully the right one will come along.

Last night G and I were talking about interview questions which included the classic (for which read irritating and pointless and one that I would never ask in an interview) question “what would you say is your biggest weakness?” Most people go for the standard approach of saying something that is actually a positive but trying to make it sound as though it is something they struggle with - like saying they are a perfectionist and so on. The other way to do it is to pick an example that has nothing to do with work. So you choose something like “when I go away on holiday I can only speak English and I think it’s important to speak other languages, so now I’m learning Spanish” or something along those lines and then you sound all proactive. However G is actually reasonably good at languages and being a Scot is doing pretty well at learning English. So I did suggest G reply by saying “I spend far too much time on the internet when I am at work” which might then suitably be followed up with “and sometimes I am too honest for my own good”. However, we concluded that this possibly was not the best approach. So I think the final conclusion was to fall back on the approach that we all need to keep in reserve for such occasions – lie. Just do it convincingly.

Growing

It turned out to be a really tiring weekend. I had a nice evening with G on Friday night and things seem to be going ok there. I dropped G off at the station on Saturday morning and on the way there G said to me “You’re really rather growing on me you know”. I have no recollection of what I said in response but then G asked “Am I growing on you too?” and, again, I have absolutely no recollection of what I said in response but it was something reasonably positive (I'm guessing, as we are still speakign to each other...) . I am just always very wary of overstating things though as I don’t want to give anyone the wrong impression, so I usually whole back on saying things unless I know that I can be certain of things – not that you can be certain about *everything* of course.

Anyway, then I went to my parents’ house and picked them up and drive to my sister’s house as my sister had arranged a party for my mum. That all went well and everyone seemed to have a good time. I then drove my parents’ home and stopped off there briefly to look for something. It was only then that I realised I had left my jacket at my sister’s house, which wouldn’t generally have been a problem except that it had my season ticket in the pocket and I need that to get to work. Grr…

My sister was busy until late afternoon yesterday so I spent some time sorting out my garden and mowing the grass and washing piles of clothes etc and then made a two and a half hour round trip to my sister’s house to get my coat and season ticket… It was nice to see my sister again and my nephew was on good form and we spent a bit of time playing in the garden and he is utterly obsessed with Shrek and so he spent a bit of time sitting on my lap watching that – a repeat of the two times we had watched it the previous day. Obsessed I tell you…

As time goes by...

Time seems to be flying by – today G and I have been going out for two months. This is particularly apt because today is National Kissing Day. Perhaps we might even exchange our first kiss in honour of the day. I will ensure that we have a chaperone present. I think we will also be having a take away – do you see how the spark goes from a relationship when you’ve been going out for a while? At first it is romantic meals and spending hours getting to know each other better, but after a while it’s a take away and watching Coronation Street.

Mind you, it was looking a bit touch and go yesterday as to whether we might make it to the two month mark – what with me proposing to a colleague. G seemed to take this remarkably well, but that may have had something to do with me proposing to a chap I work with who is in a long term relationship with a bloke. I sent him an e-mail to ask him (I am *so* romantic) and the deal was that basically he could do all the housework, cook me dinner etc and he could bring his dogs with him and I *might* walk them on occasion. He came over to speak to me and knelt down next to me… but after a bit of thought decided that he would have to decline but said that if I asked him again in a few weeks time he might have changed his mind by then.

It’s a busy weekend ahead mainly because my sister has arranged a party for mum and that will take up most of Saturday and then on Sunday I think I might start some decorating (maybe…). Anyway, I don’t think I am seeing G over the weekend after tonight, so I’d better make the most of National Kissing Day…

Waiting

I am so tired this week. I was meant to go out last night but didn’t have the energy. I just stayed at home and glued my desk drawers together. It’s an exciting life.

Sometimes I despair at what a small world it is. Sometimes things happen and people’s paths cross and I find it disconcerting to see the connections. At times, for totally coincidental reasons, circumstances come together in ways that might not be anticipated. Sometimes it can be a good thing and be an opportunity and at others it can highlight that sometimes life just isn’t fair.

Anyway on other matters… yesterday, after nearly four months of waiting, Alan Johnston was released by his kidnappers. When Norman Kember was released from captivity last year, I quoted Konstantin Simonov and I quote it here again because it seems very apt.


Wait for me, and I’ll return.
Only wait very hard…
Wait.
For I’ll return, defying every death.
And let those who did not wait say that I was lucky.
They never will understand that in the midst of death,
You with your waiting saved me.
Only you and I know how I survived
It’s because you waited as no-one else did.



There's something so powerful about waiting. It might seem so passive and inconsequential and yet it can be this most life changing thing. A sign of love, loyalty, hope. There are things... people... a person... I still "wait" for in the hope that one day it might make that difference. Maybe one day, and so I wait.

Vulnerability

So… yesterday was an interesting day. Well, interesting if seeing the somewhat vulnerable side of colleagues counts as that.

Yesterday morning I got an e-mail from an old boss asking if we could have a chat, as he wanted to discuss something personal with me. I couldn’t think what personal issue he could want to discuss with me, but said it was fine to have a chat and met up with him yesterday afternoon. He is a chap in his early to mid fifties and was my boss a couple of years ago. He’s a lovely bloke and was a really nice boss and I was really disappointed when he moved on. Anyway, we went and had a coffee and a chat and he basically talked to me about some serious personal problems that he is dealing with at the moment and we talked about some stuff that had happened with our old boss and the serious bullying that we had endured and soem other stuff that had gone on when we worked together.

He’s this posh, middle aged chap who is old enough to be my father and he sat there telling me about some stuff that made him feel so vulnerable and, I think it’s fair to say, scared and I just sat and listened and tried to give him a bit of reassurance and context on the stuff that was going on for him. It’s not right for me to explain what that stuff is here and you wouldn’t guess it from what I have said either - but it was something really serious and I felt so upset for him both during and after the conversation but there’s nothing that I can actually do for him really and he was just looking to make some sense of it all. He doesn’t want anyone else at work to know and so I will continue to ponder it and hope that it doesn’t turn out to be as serious as it looks at the moment.

Anyway then I went back to my office and a few minutes later went to the toilets. As I was about to go into a cubicle someone I worked with a few months ago saw me and in a conversational way I asked her how things were going and she just burst into tears. Even though at times I can be somewhat dense, even I could pick up that all was not well and so we then spent a while talking about what was going on with her at the moment (which is work related stuff) and she seemed a bit better by the time we had finished talking (and I was finally able to go to the loo…). I work in such a happy place sometimes…

On a lighter note I met up with a friend for dinner last night and we were in the Leicester Square area while the Harry Potter premier was on. We walked round the edge of it and into Chinatown and Dr Who walked past (otherwise known as David Tennant) and he was wearing a maroon velvety suit for those who are interested. My friend was decidedly non-plussed but I was quite impressed to have come within stroking distance of a time lord. But perhaps that is just me.

Despairing

I had another evening of domestic chores last night. I went and bought some paint to repaint my hall and then spent the rest of the evening putting my desk together. I still need to fit the drawers together but beyond that it is done. Just a whole hall left to paint…

I was talking to G on the phone last night. Last week G moved to a new place and that seems to be doing quite well and G seems so much happier now, which is good.

Last night I was thinking that there is something kind of weird about relationships and it can take a bit of getting used to being in one. It takes some reprioritising and maybe sometimes even doing some things that you don’t want to (like going to a wedding in a couple of weeks time…). But it’s a good thing and I have noticed that I feel a lot more driven to sort things out. I think that is why I have been doing various things to where I live. Starting to go out with G just made me think that I am sick of compromising and putting things off and has meant that I have become more decisive in getting things done – although it has meant that on occasion I have woken up in the night talking about lino *shakes head in despair*. I have tried to explain to G that I am not generally all that driven about sorting things out but have had a sudden burst of enthusiasm. It will wear off at some point which is why I have to make the most of it at the moment!

There are of course other good things about being in a relationship other than it giving incentive to decorate. I get my washing up done for me sometimes and G also cooks a very good breakfast. It’s to be recommended.

On an unrelated note, you may recall that I am not a big fan of google and think that it is trying to take over the world. I saw this video the other day. Let it be a warning to you of what might happen if we choose to ignore the potential of google. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Burning issues

What a weird few days it has been – failed bomb attacks in London and Glasgow, torrential rain at the beginning of July and now smoking has been banned across the whole of the UK now that England has caught up with the rest of it.

I have to say that if I was a smoker I would be decidedly unimpressed by the ban. Smoking doesn’t generally bother, despite not being a smoker and never having been one. The only time I particularly object to it is when I am in a restaurant and someone nearby is smoking. It will be nice to go out socially and not have to think about whether I will go home smelling of smoke though.

Smoke was the least of their problems in Glasgow on Saturday of course, what with someone seemingly trying to firebomb the airport. G comes from Glasgow and G’s parents said yesterday that they knew a few people who were at the airport at the time and apparently various people were shouting at the police and telling them that they shouldn’t have put out the man who was on fire. As awful as what he was trying to do was, letting someone burn to death when you could save them doesn’t seem right to me. Even if you are totally hard line about these things then at least thinking about it from the perspective of the evidence that the person might be able to provide if it is all part of a major plot - surely it has to have been worth saving him. It just scares me a bit though that people’s gut instinct seems to have been to want someone to die. Look at it like this. A man attacks an airport and the thought in his mind is “These people don’t deserve to live, I hope they die in flames”. The man is stopped in the act but is engulfed in flames and the reaction of some of those looking on is “That man doesn’t deserve to live, I hope he dies in flames”. As much as we might like to think that we are different to those who try to perpetrate terror, maybe sometimes we’re not so different after all.

Anyway, on a lighter note I was chatting to G on Saturday and was just running through various things that I needed to mention. At one point I was explaining that I had bought some tuna when I was at the supermarket (this was going somewhere as I was going to say that I was going to make a tuna lasagne for lunch on Sunday, I wasn’t just running through my shopping list) and G just started to laugh at me and said “Sometimes you are just so random” See? Random by name, random by nature…